Bacon is a godly meat, to be sure. Sometimes even I wonder that if it were to have a religion formed around it, could I resist joining it. Though Bacon is growing to cult like levels among meat enthusiasts, even some of the most hardened meat eaters might take a step back at this list of weirdly awesome bacon objects.
1. Bacon Lip Balm
Given, it's not actually made out of real bacon. However it is flavored to taste and smell like bacon. I'm not sure where it'd be an appropriate area to wear this in, other than the privacy of your own home, but it is a fun novelty to have.
2. Bacon Martini
There are a lot of things that you can put in liquor that actually taste great, even if they look a little gross. However, food in liquor has always been a bit of a no-no. While bacon is a great late night side dish to a night of drunken debauchery, I think in an actual drink it loses it's flair.
I mean, is there bacon grease in that? Does the strip get soggy eventually?
3. Bacon Gun
From what I understand, the BA-K-47 as they call it is a fully functional AK-47 covered in, you guessed it, bacon. I am fairly sure it's not loaded, but it was never mentioned on the website. If you are wondering how safe it is to put a gun in an oven, I can answer that. Not very. However, this was cooked with a blow torch.
So if you get a brilliant idea that this would be cool to do. Purchase a blowtorch. Keep away from the oven.
4. Bacon Lampshade
Have you even gone lampshade shopping? One of the most tedious processes of all time, especially when you don't care. Nothing says "I love you, significant other" than standing in an isle of a home improvement store while they imagine how 5 different lampshade would look in the bedroom.
This is a much more simple option, cover it in bacon. I am disturbed that the bacon looks a bit uncooked, but I reckon that can be remedied.
5. Bacon Toothpaste
Why, oh why would anyone want this. As I understand it, it's not real bacon, but made to taste like it. I equate this to those times when the dentist asks you what flavor you want your fluoride and tooth polish to be. You think cherry will taste perfectly awesome until it goes in your mouth and it's like having rotten chemically treated cherries rubbed all over your teeth.
Anything that is used to clean your mouth never tastes like they say. Ever.
6. Bacon Egg
Who needs bacon and eggs when you can just make a giant egg made of bacon. Now if only it was filled with scrambled eggs, we would be in business. I'm not exactly sure what it is filled with, but it brought to mind the fancy boiled eggs that rich people ate in the 1800's. The ones you had to tap on and crack, or came pre-peeled.
This egg would be the most delicious egg ever ate.
7. Bacon Cabin
This is one of the more "artsy" bacon pieces. I'd imagine it takes vastly more effort than any gingerbread house would, but it looks much cooler and would taste much more delicious. Really, this house is a true honor to the art of making bacon objects. It must have taken a long time and a lot of greasy hands to make. For that, I salute it.
8. Bacon Ship
Now this is supposed to be a bacon ship, clearly you can see some sausage in there on the support beams, so it is already tainted. I might be the only on, but when I look at this, I see the skin of three people that have been flayed and had their skins hoisted up on pikes.
A rather bloody alternative, but it actually kind of looks like that.
9. Bacon AT-AT
This is one for all those Star Wars fans out there, a AT-AT from the Star Wars films. From the look of how small the bacon is, I imagine this thing is fairly huge. Now if it moved, it would be a marvel of culinary and robotic science. Now that thought, it should frighten us.
10. Bacon Mug
Now this is my all time favorite bacon object. It's quite obviously a large mug made of bacon, which alone should thrill. However, the real kicker that wins the day here is what fills it. It is filled with a lava of hot melted cheese.
That is a brew I would kill to drink. Possibly be killed if I drank it.