Fart! Just saying the word makes us smile. We all do it, every single person on this planet lets them rip every day of the year. From the Pope to the Queen to Movie stars and politicians (well we all know their full of gas and hot air), everybody farts and farts often.
So why do we feel embarrassed when one sneaks out in mixed company? Some of us are proud of our achievements. Take a group of men sitting in a room together having a few beers, one lets out a screamer, everybody laughs and summons up their own entry if they can. It becomes something of a competition. But if you are at church or in a crowded elevator, we clench our butt cheeks together and endure the physical agony of holding in the monster because we would be mortified if it was released.We should be more like kids, they think farting is hilarious and are never embarrassed by this bodily function.
Here are a few facts on farts that you can share around the dinner table or impress your partners work colleagues. Oddly enough my wife wasn't to impressed when I shared my knowledge at her friends funeral reception. Especially the one about dead farts, which you can read at the end of this article
What is a Fart?
Farts are caused by trapped air, which originate from many places. Some of it is air that we swallow when we drink or eat. Some air is caused by gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, and some gas is created by chemical reactions or bacteria living in our guts.
The typical fart is made of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Only about 1% of a fart is composed of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans, which contain sulfur, and that's the stuff what makes them stink.
Farts make a sound when they are released due to the vibrations of the rectum. The loudness and tone of the fart may vary depending on how long you have been holding back the beast, more pressure equates to louder farts.
Farts have been clocked travelling at ten feet per second at release point. (Wouldn't want that job)! It still takes 10-15 seconds for the perfume to reach your nostrils.
Why Do They Smell
The things we eat and drink have a big influence on the aroma. Foods such as beans, cabbage, eggs, cheese, beer, can create some horrible gas creations that can clear a room in a heartbeat.
Women Fart as Much as Men
Even though they wont admit it. The fairer sex likes to blast as much as the men, upwards of 14 times a day. In fact there has been studies that given the same diet as a man, women have more concentrated gas than men. ( Who does these studies?)
If someone was to fart continuously for 6 years and 9 months they would produce gas with the equivalent energy of an atomic bomb, ( I think I've created a few small nuclear explosions myself!)
Suppressing a Fart Can be Dangerous
Letting it go can be dangerous too, for the people around you! Doctors are torn on the subject of fart suppression being bad for your health. Some experts think that farts are a natural part of your digestive system, so holding them in won't harm you. ( How do you become a fart expert?). Others think that holding them in can cause gas, bloating and other uncomfortable symptoms, and maybe hemorrhoids and distended bowel. So there you go, you have permission to fart at will, blame it on your doctor.
Farts and Culture
While most cultures are fart repressive, there are others that embrace public flatulence and actually enjoy it! An Indian tribe in South America called the Yanomami, fart as a greeting! Imagine? In China you can get a job as a professional fart-smeller! I'm seriously not making this stuff up. In ancient Rome, Emperor Claudius, fearing that holding farts in was bad for the health, passed a decree that it was perfectly acceptable to let rip at orgies and banquets.
Farts are Flammable
Commonly known as a blue angel. Methane and hydrogen in bacteria produced farts make them highly flammable. I've witnessed at some drunken frat party guys holding a lighter to their butt and letting one go. Doesn't work all the time, but when it does, it can be quite impressive.
We have all I'm sure been around a dog lying peacefully on your lap or beside you, then all of a sudden. Wow! What was that? The smelliest most damn awful stink emanates around you. Sometimes I swear I've seen the dog grin.
Cows have been sited as a major cause in global warming for their flatulent behavior, and apparently termites are the second largest natural source of methane emissions in the world. Who knew?
If You Hold Them In, They Come Out When You Sleep
I think we all know this is true. I have been lying in bed on many occasions next to my wife listening to her snore, then all of a sudden brrrrrrrrrr. She releases the hounds! I clamp down the bed sheets trying to prevent the inevitable, but to no avail. The evil horrendous odour finds a way under the sheets and assaults me. When I bring the subject up the next day over breakfast she swears blind she never did it!
Now before you read on, nobody has ever died from farting, (don't think so anyway), maybe someone has been killed for inappropriate farting that's a possibility. But after death for the first few hours, gasses continue to escape from both ends of the digestive tract, resulting in burping and farting noises. (Wouldn't that scare the hell out of you working the night shift at a morgue?) This phenomenon is due to muscles contracting and expanding before rigor mortis sets in.
So there you have it. Next time you fart in mixed company or at a cocktail party you have a tale to tell!
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