When you've recently broken up with a partner, especially if they've dumped you, it is all to easy to hate them. Your confidence is most likely shattered by the rejection and the natural response is to hate the person who hurt you. Even if it was you that did the dumping, your dislike for your ex has probably been building up for some time. There are, however, 10 good reasons NOT to hate your ex. Here they are:
1. It's a waste of time and energy.
Think of all the other things you could be doing and thinking about. Dwelling on how much you hate your ex will get you nowhere. You could be out having a laugh with friends, learning a new hobby, reading a book or even inventing the perpetual motion machine (if you're that way inclined). Thinking about how much you hate your ex is a waste of brain power and valuable time that could be spent doing something much more worthwhile.
2. You only hurt yourself in the long run.
Negative emotions damage us in lots of ways. Nursing a grudge does us no good and hating your ex will only impact badly on your well-being. Emitting imaginary rays of hate in your ex's direction doesn't do them any harm either. Hating your ex only leads to bitterness and self-loathing in the longer term.
3. You're better off without them (and them without you!).
No matter why you split up, if both of your hearts weren't in the relationship, it was never going to work out. If your partner dumped you they may simply have picked up on your incompatibility before you did. Perhaps you were deluding yourself that you were happy together. It's almost certain that you'd be better off with someone else, so your partner did you a favor by breaking up with you. If you were the one that did the dumping, you no longer need to hate your ex for the reasons that made you leave them - you don't have to put up with them any more!
4. You will bore your friends.
Hating your ex will not only make you unhappy, it will make you bad company for your friends. While they may be sympathetic immediately after the split, invitations to get together and nights out may soon dry up if you don't move on. Although you may not feel like socializing straight away, these invitations from friends will be important to your happiness in the longer term. Also, bitter diatribes about your ex's bad qualities soon get boring. Try not to constantly drone on about how much you hate your ex.
5. Hating your ex stops you from moving on.
While you are stuck with feelings of hatred toward your ex, you are failing to move on emotionally. Bitterness is not an attractive quality. You won't easily find a new partner if you are still consumed with hatred for your ex. Anyway, your ex may already have moved on. What's the point of hating someone who no longer cares? You need to stop hating your ex, get over the break up and move on.
6. You may be losing the opportunity of making a good, life-long friend.
There must have been lots of things about your ex that you liked when you started the relationship. Although you may be hurt and resentful toward your ex immediately after a break-up, try and rise above the negative feelings and be pleasant toward them. It isn't easy but, if you can be adult about the split, an ex partner can sometimes turn into a wonderfully loyal close friend. Some people aren't good at relationships but will do anything for their mates. If your ex partner is one of these types of people, you'd be a fool to miss out by letting hatred rule your behavior. With a less complicated relationship (i.e. just friends) you might find that you get on great with your ex and can really enjoy their company again.
7. It will make you a better person.
Being able to move on from negative emotions is a valuable life skill. Going through the process of learning to like (or at least not hate!) your ex will help you deal with similar emotions in the future.
8. You will feel better about yourself.
If you can overcome the negative emotions and deal with the break up in an emotionally mature way, you will start to feel great about yourself. A lot of people can't do this, so if you master the art of moving on from a relationship without lasting bitterness, give yourself a pat on the back. You are an incredibly wise and mature person!
9. It makes things easier with shared friends.
If you and your ex socialize with some, or all, of the same people, it makes it very difficult if you hate each other. Your friends may feel forced to take sides or be embarrassed to tell you they have been on a night out with your ex, for example. If you can bring yourself not to hate your ex it makes life simpler for everyone. It also stops you running the risk of losing friends that feel forced to choose between you.
10. It makes it easier to split up the goodies.
Finally, on a purely logistical note, hating your ex makes sorting out issues of property harder than it needs to be. Whether you have lived together or not, chances are that you each have something belonging to the other in your possession. You may have bought things together or both love the same pet equally. Whatever material issues still connect you to your ex, they won't be dealt with any easier if you feel hatred toward them. If you can learn to like your ex, sharing out the property is less problematic and traumatic. You may, for example, agree to shared custody of the cat!
So there are, in fact, 10 good reasons NOT to hate your ex. There are probably lots more once you start to think about it. At the end of the day you should remember that your ex is simply a fellow human being with the same problems and emotions that you experience. They can't help the way that they feel. If they have fallen out of love with you it's not their fault, and whatever flaws your ex has, they are not Satan! And, of course, if you and your previous partner have children together, there are are many, many more reasons why you should try not to hate your ex!