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10 Things I Do Not Want To Find In My Bed

By Edited Mar 3, 2016 5 6

From snakes to raw bacon. There are many things I do not want to find in my bed. Here are a few things I never want to wake up in the middle of the night and find in my bed.

Female Jumping Spider

Spider Eyes Close Up

As pretty as her eyes are I do not want to find her in my bed. Spiders do not belong in my bed. Not even attractive female jumping spiders. Many spiders are not poisonous or even dangerous but I don't care. I have woke up to spiders in my bed before and I hate them in my bed. (Flickr/Thomas Shahan)

Dead Coyote

Dead Coyote

Coyotes may be my favorite animal but I do not want a coyote in my bed. Not even a dead one.(Flickr/Chris.Corwin)

Bed Bugs

Bed Bug

Bed Bugs strike everywhere. From the shabbiest of motels to the fanciest 5 star hotels. Bed Bugs are commonly carried from hotel to hotel by travelers unaware that they have been infected by the bed bug. (WikiPedia/Piotr Naskrecki)



I really would not like to have any sheep in my bed. I am from Idaho but it is more of a South Eastern Idaho thing. Their wool can be itchy and irritate the skin. (Flickr/David Masters)

Janet Reno

Janet Reno

This needs no explanation. I'd rather have the bed bugs and jumping spiders in my bed. Even Bill never had Janet Reno in his bed.

Bear Trap

Bear Trap

This has got to be the worst thing you could find in your bed. You can easily lose a hand or if it snaps shut on your head you could die a painful death. Bear Traps are not allowed in my bed. (Flickr/Paul Garland)

Red Trap Door Spider

Red Spider
Definitely do not want any spiders in my bed including this red spider. (Flickr/furryscaly)

Ugly Gremlin Looking Thing


It might be harmless but I still do not want find one of these in my bed. Not sure if this is Photoshopped or not but it looks kind of like a Photoshop cross of the hairless cat and the ugliest dog in the world. (Flickr/Flickrbulb)



RuPaul would scare the heck out of me if I ever woke up in bed during the night and seen RuPaul (Flickr/roccoco)

Meth Users

Meth User

I would hate to find any girl that has been using meth for a period of time to be found in my bed. There is no way to hide extended use of meth. It make pretty girls look disgusting. Even after rehab and they are clean the signs of meth use will forever change the way they look. (Flickr/Don Hankins)


Jan 23, 2010 2:14am
Couldn't stop laughing when I got to Janet Reno.

Great article.
Dec 1, 2010 12:49pm
I once found a half eaten bologna sandwich and a lot of cracker crumbs in my bed in a hotel. I thought THOSE were bad things. Your list is MUCH better!
Dec 2, 2010 3:43am
I'd rather have the bologna sandwich over Janet Reno. lol
Feb 26, 2011 3:04pm
What a clever article!
Feb 26, 2011 5:43pm
Awesome job Ernie - loved it so much had to share it on FB!
Feb 26, 2011 10:58pm
Bill Clinton might not have wanted Janet Reno in his bed, but I also would add Clinton to the list. Great list man.
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