Companies such as Stihl, Husqvarna and Echo sell hundreds of thousands of these machines every year to any type of person you can imagine. We all know how invaluable one of these tools can be when you need one, but this article will focus on some of the more “unique” reasons for buying a chainsaw. Here they are in no particular order.
Some “Funny” Reasons to Buy a Chainsaw
1-You hate trees, plain and simple.
2-You saw a performance artist in Paris who juggles chainsaws and thought to yourself, “I could learn to do that.”
3-You’re thinking of creating an over-the-top pest control company. You can see the logo now – a person attacking a mouse with a chainsaw.
4-Buying several chainsaws will help you reach your dream of being the largest distributor of firewood in the continental United States.
5-Cutting wood is cheaper than going to the gym.
6-You’re thinking of taking up building ice sculptures as a hobby.
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7-You love its phallic nature, and the best part is you can even choose the size of the bar.
8-Buying the best chainsaw available is paramount as you plan on using yours for home defense. There’s not a burglar in the world that won’t take off running when they hear that saw crank up. Discount chainsaws won’t be good enough; it’s going to have to be a Stihl or a Husqvarna.
9-You want to see if you can affix the saw onto the end of your rifle to use it as a type of bayonet.
10-You’ve always felt that sawing through a wooden door would be a great way to make an entrance.
11-You realize that if you’re ever going to see your dream come true of using a chainsaw in each hand you may have to downsize. Maybe going with a smaller brand such as Homelite, Ryobi, Poulan Pro or Makita would make better sense.
12-You get to use words and terms like sharpening teeth, anti-vibration handle, beaver tailing, fell, kick-back, auto choke, throttle, widow maker, chain tension and more!
13-You are a big fan of “chainsaw wielding granny” from the Resident Evil 4 game and “Leatherface” from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, among other scary movies.
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14-You are now able to tell people that you know how to use a chainsaw. Sometimes you whisper it into the ears of co-workers. You can even list it on the skills portion of applications.
15-Even though your friend has warned you about using a chainsaw for a weapon during a zombie outbreak, you feel you need to diversify your weapon selection.
16-You want to buy a chainsaw so you can train your pet chimpanzee to cut firewood before winter comes.
17-You recently watched Ash from the Evil Dead movies give himself a chainsaw for a hand and thought, “How cool is that.”
19-You want to make a real impact at your next Halloween party.
20- It's the last thing on your Haunted House Supplies list.
I’m sure you have figured out by now this article was meant to make you laugh. My hope is that those that laughed most are the people that actually use these tools. Please take none of the suggestions above seriously and always practice good chainsaw safety. The person who’s selling it to you may not have a sense of humor like you do.