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31 Days to a Worse Blog

By Edited Oct 17, 2016 0 0

The first key to building a worse blog is to commune with the clouds. The clouds give you the ability to create fluffy content that you need to attract readers.

Day One-Link out to sites that offer pornography and illegal drugs. Everybody loves cocaine and sex. By linking out to these sites, you give your readers more options and keep them coming back for more.

Day Two-Content is king. Do not do anything that would get you links. Don't focus on long tails to get any kind of targeted traffic. If you have any links change your site address so you lose all your links. If you get any links ask them to link to you using anchor text gibberish like qzbxy. Targeted traffic is bad. You want cloud traffic.

Day Three-Only use guest posts on your blog from this point on. And only allow the guest posts to be things that compare blogging to totally irrelevant topics like futuristic space cars. Only allow do-follow links in the post if the links are to black hatter sites.

Day Four-Start building your twitter account. Start following other internet marketers and hope you get reciprocal follows. Watch as your twitter feed fills up with useless links and nobody clicks on your links.

Day Five-Start buying e-books. Do not use your own clickbank account to buy the e-book so you can get 50%-75% off. You need to give all your money to Internet Marketers. Do not try to get information on the internet for free. The only good information comes from e-books that you purchase after reading long detailed squeeze pages. Do not try to think in the Internet Marketing world. Only pain can come of it.

Day Six-Have Roger Ebert review your blog. He'll be sure to say blogging can never be art. Then you can join forces with video gamers for ultimate power!

Day Seven-Spend all your time on forums. Knowledge is power. Don't put any of the knowledge into practice or it begins to lose that power. Just keep building knowledge until you become more and more powerful.

Day Eight-Play a blogging simulation game. Make sure the game is a Match-3 game. Every time you match three links together you get new readers. Also, try to match three pieces of content, on-page SEO, and Article spinning.

Day Nine-Go outside. Use your mental powers to blog. Not your typing powers. All the best bloggers are telekenetics.

Day Ten-Buy a TV commercial advertising your blog. Have a famous actress like Marlee Matlin read the url of your blog aloud during a super bowl commercial.

Day Eleven-Run a mile in an A-list blogger's shoes. Then you're a mile away, have their shoes, and can scrape their content in peace.

Day Twelve-Advertise your blog in braille to blind individuals at your local hospital.

Day Thirteen-Optimize a single post on your blog for SEO. Then de-optimize your other posts.

Day Fourteen-Watch the Julie&Julia movie. It is extremely accurate in it's portrayal of how easy it is to build traffic to your blog.

Day Fifteen-Mimic your blog after the Julie&Julia blog. Horrible layout, horrible search optimization, and yet it was a huge success. It's sure to work for you too!

Day Sixteen-Tattoo your blog posts on your body and flash people at the local park. Add another tattoo on your butt for prison bonus points!

Day Seventeen-Monkeys can create the words of Shakespeare on typewriters but can they generate top notch blog posts? Find out!

Day Eighteen-Speaking of monkeys. Have you seen Planet of the Apes? Monkeys are future blog readers! Be sure to get started on your banana blogs now!

Day Nineteen-Allow Malware on your blog. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't. Better to have control over which malware goes on your blog rather than be caught with malware you don't understand.

Day Twenty-Enter your computer Tron style and try to understand blogging from inside your computer!

Day Twenty One-Flashforward into the future and see what posts you have then. Use those posts today!

Day Twenty Two-Optimize your blog for Ask.com.

Day Twenty Three-Use PPC programs to advertise your blog. Not google adwords. Neobux! The traffic is quality!

Day Twenty Four-Watch Field of Dreams and repeat if you build it, they will come. Your blog will be mostly read by ghosts but targeted traffic ghosts!

Day Twenty Five-Use pop-ups on other blogs to generate traffic to your content!

Day Twenty Six-Travel back in time and tell the cavemen about your blog. Be sure to feature your blog url prominently on the tower of Babel.

Day Twenty Seven-Millions of people read the bible. Rewrite the bible featuring your blog url in the book of Numbers. Everybody loves that book of the bible.

Day Twenty Eight-Sell your soul to satan for blog traffic. Summoning him is easy. Just chant google, google, google.

Day Twenty Nine-Travel to an alternate reality where your blog is already a huge success.

Day Thirty-Go into a wormhole and repeat the same three minutes over and over where your blog was featured on Digg.

Day Thirty One-Have David Lynch make a movie about your blog. The movie is sure to make sense and lead people right to your url.



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