In 2012, Facebook is approaching a billion worldwide users (845 million as of February 2012). Users want to find ways to stand out, and one of those ways is to include funny quotes for their profiles and status updates.

There are a number of sites that provide lists of funny and inspirational quotes that users can borrow for Facebook. The list below includes 32 funny Facebook quotes found from a variety of Internet sources and Facebook profiles.

Facebook thumbs up

Funny Quotes About Facebook

1. Facebook is like jail. You sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.

2. Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

3. Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.

4. Twitter makes me like people I’ve never met. Because of Facebook, though, I hate people I know in real life.

5. Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to Account Setting, deactivate your account, and go to work.

6. Facebook is a popularity contest…and I’m losing.

7. Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored, you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.

Other Miscellaneous Quotes

8. My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

9. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

10. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

11. I think; therefore, I am single.

12. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

13. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder and lightening.

14. The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.

15. Don’t feel bad. Many people lack talent.

16. I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

17. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

18. I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

19. Food, love, career, and mothers—the four major guilt groups.

20. Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

21. Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

22. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

23. Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

24. A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

25. I’m a humble person, really. I’m actually much greater than I think I am.

26. Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

27. Get your facts first. Then you can distort them as you please.

28. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

29. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.

30. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

31. I read about the evils of drinking, so I gave up reading.

32. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.