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4 Obviously Stupid Products People Still Buy

By Edited Nov 13, 2013 3 16
stupid product

There are a lot of overly senseless products out there. Most of us are clever enough to see through the intense advertising campaign to what lies beneath. however, there is an obscene amount of people that buy a lot of stupid products for a lot of varying stupid reasons.

Sensa Weight Loss

sensa weight loss
Sprinkles you put on food, purported to make you lose weight while eating your favorite foods by utilizing scents that help "fill you up." Commercials and other advertisements constantly hammer the idea of "all you do is sprinkle this on food!" into our minds, while a cleverly light gray disclaimer over a white background states it only works with a sensible diet and exercise.

Many do claim Sensa leads to you eating less, so I suppose the product does work in that regard, but an alarming number of people are convinced that eating less = less weight gain and/or more weight loss. Making yourself go hungry causes your body to /store/ fat; insufficient nourishment releases a hormone that will ration energy, making it difficult for you to lose weight.

You're better off just getting off your butt and filling up on healthy foods (from all areas of the food pyramid!) than you are buying into these products. Many of these diet plans and products do not cause weight loss, and the ones that do are in all likelihood dangerous to use.

Apple products (iPhone, iPad, iPod, et cetera)

Apple is robbing people with their products, and the people they rob seem to be blissfully unaware of the fact that Apple is terrible. Between their products being absurdly and disgustingly overpriced, content compatible with their products being limited, and their products being far more geared towards style than towards performance, it's hard to understand why people would fall for--oh, wait, yeah, style.

Most Apple products cost at least twice as much as the products they compete against, yet have half the capabilities and hardware, if that. For example, an iPad offers less freedom than a laptop and is less capable of even just browsing the internet, but the increasing love for making everything touch screen makes people throw out more than half a grand for a product that should really cost a couple hundred bucks. An 8GB iPod is going to run you somewhere around $120-200, depending on the type of iPod you get (depending on how much money you want to waste) - other mp3 players with the same storage space will run you $40-70 usually, and that's without limiting you to getting your music for +60% retail value from iTunes.

Apple products are possibly more user-friendly, but not taking the time to learn basic navigation of Windows/Linux OSs (if it is even applicable for the product in question) is no reason to spend two, three or even four times the money for an inferior product. Hell, the best Apple-exclusive software is half as good as the mediocre software available on multiple platforms. Don't be fooled into thinking that you're better off getting a Macbook or something if you're interested in music creation, video editing, drawing, et cetera.

Tyler Perry Movies

Tyler Perry films are loved greatly by many people. These films are more often than not ... well, bad, but it's hard to convince Tyler Perry fans that they are. Most, if not all, of these films started off as a play, hidden away from the world of biased movie critics that don't "get it." Now Tyler Perry is hitting the big screen regularly, delivering sub-par stories and one-dimensional characters with moral and life lessons inserted as subtly as Stephenie Meyer injected an angsty teenage romance into vampire films. In case you're a Tyler Perry fan and - either due to or as a result - are unaware of subtext, that last line was a joke.

I can't even make myself care enough to drag this on much further, so I'm just going to bullet point some things until I get bored:

  •   Madea is a dumb character and is the equivalent of Larry the Cable Guy in terms of cleverness and humor.
  •   Tyler Perry is absurdly popular among African-Americans even though he releases nonsense that insults the viewer's intelligence. If you love Tyler Perry, you might as well listen to soulless club music, watch reality TV, keep up on celeb new--oh, wait ...
  • Tyler Perry is riding to success the coattails of cookie-cutter non-offensive religious mentioning and illustrating and/or creating stereotypes of his own race, yet the overwhelming amount of people in love with the crass "comedy" Tyler Perry peddles tend to look disapprovingly on or are unaware of the works of people like Spike Lee or Aaron McGruder, who have offered far more powerful or culturally important messages in a single work than Perry has in his entire career.

Call of Duty

The Call of Duty series offers an experience that is fun, in moderation, at least. In recent years these games have become explosively popular, topping the wishlists of countless (American) gamers around the world. On the surface, Call of Duty is a somewhat fast-paced (compared to recent FPS) war game with intense Hollywood-like storylines and iconic environments & weapons. Below the surface, Call of Duty is a below average to average shooter plagued by a childish and foul-mouthed community of lone wolves, idiotic game balancing, unimaginative and restrictive maps, and greedy & lazy developers.

Call of Duty players are notoriously whiny and childish, opting to scream and cuss senselessly into a mic and get into arguments where the only resolve is to threaten to physically beat someone up if you ever see them in real life. Bullet caliber means nothing in Call of Duty, killstreaks are overpowered, yadda yadda. Maps are tiny and usually consist of a left path, a middle path, and a right path, with the potential for a slightly alternate path overlapping one of the previous three paths (so you can like, you know, change up your approach; keep 'em guessing!).

call of duty
Last but not least, the developers swear to bring you the latest and greatest fresh Call of Duty experience that you played last year for a mere $60, but wait - in order to experience this new experience in the way it's intended to be experienced, don't forget to upgrade to the limited edition version for an extra $40! This gives you early access to the $15 DLC available in a couple months, and maybe some visual alterations to your character to show the world how cool you are. There's also going to be 4-6 DLC released in the future (for an affordable $15 each) that give you access to 3 new underwhelming maps, and a zombie map if you're lucky. So if we add that together ... multiply this ... carry the five ... so for Black Ops alone, Americans spent roughly $1,500,000,000 (at least) on the physical game and downloadable content. Without the DLC, they only spent about $820,000,000 ... of course that wasn't enough money to give their devout (and blind) fans some free DLC.

I'm sure they look forward to bringing you guys their next major release. They barely scraped up enough funds to bring you MW3.



May 17, 2012 1:44am
I'm with you on Tyler Perry (not as a person but his vile product). Spike Lee, among other Hollywoodites, hates his "humor" - -it’s the same kind of stereotypical shuck 'n' jive Amos 'n' Andy garbage from back when. His films and movies like "Soul Plane" perpetuate negative African-American stereotypes -- Spike Lee called Perry's work "coonery buffoonery". I agree. There are greater filmmakers out there presenting positive, and truly funny, films that also make one think -- Perry does neither.

Oh, you forgot the one stoopidiest thing ever that people continue to buy -- ya know that backwards bathrobe, the Snuggie? THAT's the stoopidest thing ever (makes Tyler Perry look like Sir Isaac Newton in comparison). Good article and it's nice to see someone take the anti-road (as I do) by not buying into the BS the world hands us daily. A thumb’s up.
May 17, 2012 3:03pm
I considered doing the visually disturbing Pikaru Baby Carrier Vest that was pictured at the beginning. However, I put a little faith in humanity that no one actually buys those things and parades about the neighborhood creeping all their neighbors out. The snuggie, though. I had forgotten about that. It would of made for a good rant. Thanks for the comment, Vic.
May 17, 2012 3:27pm
The Snuggie is proof that the sheeple can easily be led to the slaughter. It doesn't get any stoopider that the Snuggie (or the Segway for that matter, jsut at the other end of the pricing structure).
May 17, 2012 3:04pm
This comment has been deleted.
May 17, 2012 3:08am
Sensa? Never seen that before but how did it get to market? Strange product.
May 17, 2012 2:52pm
A strange product indeed. It's advertised quite a fair amount on night time cable commercial breaks and network channels. For some infinitely confusing reason they show the same Sensa commercial back to back all the time.

Clearly their odd advertising strategy worked enough to enrage me. Also, thank you for commenting.
May 17, 2012 2:59pm
Must be an American thing then. Americans will buy anything.
May 17, 2012 3:10pm
That is definitely no lie there. If it can let us be lazier, we'll eat it up.
May 17, 2012 4:07am
Blaspheming against the Cult of Apple! Be careful you don't get burnt at the stake.

One of the first things Steve Jobs did when he came back to Apple was discontinue the Mac clone program, because other manufacturers were making Macs at a fraction of the price that Apple were.
May 17, 2012 2:55pm
I gladly martyr myself in hopes that people see the light! Thank you for commenting.
May 17, 2012 5:19am
There's nothing like a good old fashioned diatribe. Beautiful.
May 17, 2012 2:57pm
Sometimes I need to let the rage out. I fear I'm a grey hoodie and a pair of oversize sunglasses away from the uni-bomber sometime though. Thanks for the comment, ya.
May 17, 2012 3:39pm
My seventeen year old has been dying for a Mac since she was thirteen. We refuse to buy it for her and her laptop is top of the line for significantly less. Great article!
May 17, 2012 3:56pm
Macs are trendy and they look cool, to be sure. Apple's whole business plan was to make a user friendly interface but they lack in processing power and are incompatible with heaps of software. Your child can learn the hard lesson when they buy a laptop with their own money and realize mac tools are cool for a little bit but the turn near infuriating. Thanks for the comment!
May 17, 2012 11:11pm
I like this article, even though I'm a Tyler Perry fan. I think his real life rags to riches story is great, but mostly I just like to laugh. Yes, the plots are very predictable. I guess what makes us watch them is that even though they are quite stereotypical, they reflect things that still go on in our homes and families, which is what makes them so funny. Believe it or not, a lot of us have a "Madea" in our family. I guess we just like it because we identify. I understand the way you feel, though, because it's the same way I felt about the strange popularity of a group of people doing extremely plain and boring stuff everyday and calling it "Friends." And let's not forget the idiotic, random movie that has been called a classic "Pulp Fiction." Still can't figure that one out! I actually like Spike Lee movies. They're just not what you watch when you just want a good laugh.

Kudos, however, for outing Sensa. I thought I was the only one. And I'm SO glad that someone recognizes, and finally has the guts to say that Apple is overpriced junk! So true! I've had the iPad/laptop discussion many times, and iPad just loses, hands down, every time, as far as I'm concerned.
May 21, 2012 9:09am
Tyler Perry is a favorite of mine, so I disagree with your analysis of his work. As far as Spike Lee, the sheer hubris of his comments needs no rebuttal, although Perry did address the issue. Also, Perry's personal story is compelling and inspirational.
May 22, 2012 11:25pm
I am by no means here to tell you, introspective and nhoughton what to like. Everybody of course has their own opinions. Of course, I was in a bit of an angered mood at society when I wrote this. I had a roommate who is also my best friend who watched tyler perry movies. So I grew to be...furious at their repetitiveness.

I like to reply to my comments when they are made, but it took me some time to reply to these. I will agree that Spike Lee does suffer from the human condition of hubris though, but I can't deny he makes a great movie.

I've never actually read Tyler Perry's life story, so there's some new reading material for me.
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