stupid product

There are a lot of overly senseless products out there. Most of us are clever enough to see through the intense advertising campaign to what lies beneath. however, there is an obscene amount of people that buy a lot of stupid products for a lot of varying stupid reasons.

Sensa Weight Loss

sensa weight lossSprinkles you put on food, purported to make you lose weight while eating your favorite foods by utilizing scents that help "fill you up." Commercials and other advertisements constantly hammer the idea of "all you do is sprinkle this on food!" into our minds, while a cleverly light gray disclaimer over a white background states it only works with a sensible diet and exercise.

Many do claim Sensa leads to you eating less, so I suppose the product does work in that regard, but an alarming number of people are convinced that eating less = less weight gain and/or more weight loss. Making yourself go hungry causes your body to /store/ fat; insufficient nourishment releases a hormone that will ration energy, making it difficult for you to lose weight.

You're better off just getting off your butt and filling up on healthy foods (from all areas of the food pyramid!) than you are buying into these products. Many of these diet plans and products do not cause weight loss, and the ones that do are in all likelihood dangerous to use.

Apple products (iPhone, iPad, iPod, et cetera)

Apple is robbing people with their products, and the people they rob seem to be blissfully unaware of the fact that Apple is terrible. Between their products being absurdly and disgustingly overpriced, content compatible with their products being limited, and their products being far more geared towards style than towards performance, it's hard to understand why people would fall for--oh, wait, yeah, style.

appleMost Apple products cost at least twice as much as the products they compete against, yet have half the capabilities and hardware, if that. For example, an iPad offers less freedom than a laptop and is less capable of even just browsing the internet, but the increasing love for making everything touch screen makes people throw out more than half a grand for a product that should really cost a couple hundred bucks. An 8GB iPod is going to run you somewhere around $120-200, depending on the type of iPod you get (depending on how much money you want to waste) - other mp3 players with the same storage space will run you $40-70 usually, and that's without limiting you to getting your music for +60% retail value from iTunes.

Apple products are possibly more user-friendly, but not taking the time to learn basic navigation of Windows/Linux OSs (if it is even applicable for the product in question) is no reason to spend two, three or even four times the money for an inferior product. Hell, the best Apple-exclusive software is half as good as the mediocre software available on multiple platforms. Don't be fooled into thinking that you're better off getting a Macbook or something if you're interested in music creation, video editing, drawing, et cetera.

Tyler Perry Movies

Tyler Perry films are loved greatly by many people. These films are more often than not ... well, bad, but it's hard to convince Tyler Perry fans that they are. Most, if not all, of these films started off as a play, hidden away from the world of biased movie critics that don't "get it." Now Tyler Perry is hitting the big screen regularly, delivering sub-par stories and one-dimensional characters with moral and life lessons inserted as subtly as Stephenie Meyer injected an angsty teenage romance into vampire films. In case you're a Tyler Perry fan and - either due to or as a result - are unaware of subtext, that last line was a joke.

I can't even make myself care enough to drag this on much further, so I'm just going to bullet point some things until I get bored:

  •   Madea is a dumb character and is the equivalent of Larry the Cable Guy in terms of cleverness and humor.
  •   Tyler Perry is absurdly popular among African-Americans even though he releases nonsense that insults the viewer's intelligence. If you love Tyler Perry, you might as well listen to soulless club music, watch reality TV, keep up on celeb new--oh, wait ...
  • Tyler Perry is riding to success the coattails of cookie-cutter non-offensive religious mentioning and illustrating and/or creating stereotypes of his own race, yet the overwhelming amount of people in love with the crass "comedy" Tyler Perry peddles tend to look disapprovingly on or are unaware of the works of people like Spike Lee or Aaron McGruder, who have offered far more powerful or culturally important messages in a single work than Perry has in his entire career.

Call of Duty

The Call of Duty series offers an experience that is fun, in moderation, at least. In recent years these games have become explosively popular, topping the wishlists of countless (American) gamers around the world. On the surface, Call of Duty is a somewhat fast-paced (compared to recent FPS) war game with intense Hollywood-like storylines and iconic environments & weapons. Below the surface, Call of Duty is a below average to average shooter plagued by a childish and foul-mouthed community of lone wolves, idiotic game balancing, unimaginative and restrictive maps, and greedy & lazy developers.

Call of Duty players are notoriously whiny and childish, opting to scream and cuss senselessly into a mic and get into arguments where the only resolve is to threaten to physically beat someone up if you ever see them in real life. Bullet caliber means nothing in Call of Duty, killstreaks are overpowered, yadda yadda. Maps are tiny and usually consist of a left path, a middle path, and a right path, with the potential for a slightly alternate path overlapping one of the previous three paths (so you can like, you know, change up your approach; keep 'em guessing!).

call of dutyLast but not least, the developers swear to bring you the latest and greatest fresh Call of Duty experience that you played last year for a mere $60, but wait - in order to experience this new experience in the way it's intended to be experienced, don't forget to upgrade to the limited edition version for an extra $40! This gives you early access to the $15 DLC available in a couple months, and maybe some visual alterations to your character to show the world how cool you are. There's also going to be 4-6 DLC released in the future (for an affordable $15 each) that give you access to 3 new underwhelming maps, and a zombie map if you're lucky. So if we add that together ... multiply this ... carry the five ... so for Black Ops alone, Americans spent roughly $1,500,000,000 (at least) on the physical game and downloadable content. Without the DLC, they only spent about $820,000,000 ... of course that wasn't enough money to give their devout (and blind) fans some free DLC.

I'm sure they look forward to bringing you guys their next major release. They barely scraped up enough funds to bring you MW3.