We lose so much time, energy, and LIFE making the same stupid errors. Here are five ways you can start turning your Dyson of a life around RIGHT NOW. 

No excuses. DO IT.

1. Stop caring what others think.

You'll never please everyone. Heck, some days you can't please yourself, much less anyone else. Recognize that feces occurs. Recognize that there's only a few people in your life whose opinion of you really matters: Your mom, your spouse, the person who checks off on your quarterly review. 

So who cares what Jim in the next cubicle thinks of you? Why do you think you need his validation anyway? All he gives a crap about is fantasy football and stealing pens.

Instead of trying to convince people who couldn't care less to like you, concentrate on being the absolute best you can be. Every waking moment, be YOU.

2. What, me worry?

Quit worrying so much. Worry means you're thinking more about what you don't want to happen than about what you do want to happen. That's a complete waste of time and energy. 

Concentrate on what you want

We spend so much time worrying over what can - might! - prevent us from reaching our goals that we never even get to the hurdles, much less the goal. 

Out of the 5, this is the most difficult, the one people whine about "easier said than done." It really is very simple. It just takes a crap-ton of work sometimes. So man up, do the work, and watch yourself excel.

Recognize the problem, solve the problem, and drive on toward the prize.

3. Grow a thicker skin.

Stop taking things so personally. Contrary to what you may have learned in Little League and/or other formative pursuits, the world does not revolve around you, cupcake. The majority of the people you meet don't give a toss about what's happening outside their own personal-space bubble. They certainly don't give a toss about your self-esteem. They're probably too busy wasting energy worrying about their own self-esteem problems.

(Okay, maybe your mom cares if you're happy. She doesn't count.)

Recognize that the world couldn't care less about you or your happiness. The only person in charge of your happiness is YOU. 

Go do  things you've always wanted to do - provided they're not illegal or violating someone else's rights - and never mind what the world thinks! Because it doesn't. Not about you, at least.

4. Let the past die, already.

Yeah, okay, so your Mom slapped you around some. Your big sister kicked down your Barbie Dream House. Whatever. We've all been through hell.

For a given value of "hell". Chances are, if you're reading this in the developed world, you really don't have jack to complain about. Ask Malala Yousafzai, who got shot in the head for daring to be a girl who can read, about how awful your problems are.

Go on. I'll wait.

If after that you're still convinced your life is oh so terrible because of some event in your past, here's how to get over it.

The ghosts of the past have very little information to impart. Chances are - if you were paying attention at the time, Bueller - you learned the lesson at once. If you were being smart, your experiences have taught you things, made you stronger. The ghosts can't tell you anything you haven't already learned. They can only moan and cry about how much their particular event sucked. Either way, the noise is just distracting you from being awesome.

So tell me again what sense there is in dredging up past horrors?  Here's a hint: NONE. Learn the lesson and move on.

If you take nothing away from this step take this: Don't you dare use some tired excuse from the past as a excuse for being a jerk in the present. Nobody cares that you think it's okay for you to slap your spouse because your mom slapped you around. They only care that you're a jerk who slaps people. Because only jerks slap people.

5. Stop wasting money.

If you're like most people - your humble correspondent included, sometimes - you spend money as a means of personal validaton. Like, "If I have that boat/car/Xbox/trousers people will like me."

Stop it.

Nobody really gives a toss if you're cutting your lawn with a push mower while all your neighbors have tractors. Even if they do smirk at you, why do you care? (See #1.) Your value as a person transcends what ephemera you have lying around your house. Material things don't define you.

Okay, that's not quite true. If you've always wanted a boat, buy a boat. For ten years, twenty, whataever it takes, push that crappy old mower your Dad gave you so you can save money to have your dream boat. Buy a BIG boat, the biggest freaking boat anyone you know has ever seen this side of a Carnival ship, quit your job, sail that sucker to the Caribbean and grow a beard. OWN that boat and your sweaty, sailory self. Take charters so you can pay off your bar tab ashore. Whatever. Just don't buy the bloody thing because the jerk up the street has one. That's stupid.

Sunset from your new boat. You saucy pirate.

This is your new big boat. You saucy pirate, you.


Do what you want, live the life you want. As long as you're not hurting someone else, there's no reason to give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks.

Be magnificent. Be awesome.