You’ve been eyeing that stunning creature across the bar for well over 5 minutes. Each passing minute just adds to the awkwardness between her glances over and your ceaseless gawking. You still have no idea whether or not she’s into you and whether you should approach or not. Your last few approaches went downhill way too fast for your liking and has deeply scarred you forever. It’s now been 10 minutes and another random guy has approached her but failed miserably, you think to yourself “it’s too awkward to approach now”,” she will probably just shut me out”. You give up and turn back to your buddies and continue sipping your bottle of room temperature beer, unaware that the beautiful specimen you were fixated on now sports a disappointed look.
As a guy, I know exactly how it feels like to put your pride on the line and approach a beautiful stranger. To have the adrenaline coursing through your veins, heart racing faster than your thoughts and to be lost for words each step you take towards her. It’s a thrilling feeling but if you don’t play your cards right your night might end up spiraling downwards.
It’s a common misconception to think that men are the ones that initiate the ‘first move’. In fact, studies have shown that 90% of the time females are the ones that initiate the courtship ritual, with the first move being that of a signal. It’s just that most men are often oblivious to the barrage of subtle signals from women that they think they are making the first move with their approach. Standing back and taking yourself out of the equation you can see that it is women who preselect their suitors rather than the males. Women as well all know, are super intuitive. They can sense when a potential mate is within their vicinity, even when they have their back turned to you. Once they’ve preselected a potential mate they will barrage them with an onslaught of very subtle signals in an attempt to get his attention.
Men on the other hand are like a raging bull chasing the matador – they see what they are attracted to and just charge in without any consideration. If they get rejected they protect their ego with reasons such as ‘she is a bitch’, or ‘it’s a numbers game’ and move on. You’ve got to work backwards here, ask yourself ‘why didn’t she like me?’ or better yet, ‘what could I do better’? A lot of the time it is not because she is a ‘bitch’ or you have terrible ‘game’ but simply because you didn’t read the signals properly. If a girl is interested, her ‘bitch shield’ is winded down and willingly lets you in - you don’t even need game! She will melt with a simple hello even if your nerves are tattooed all over your face.
Learn to Read the Signals
One of the main reasons we men are usually oblivious to signals is because we are too focused on our objectives rather than to observe then adjust to the situation – I mean you wouldn’t invest in a random company before you do the research right?
As a good rule of thumb I usually approach women that have initiated the courting ritual by their signals. Why? A lot of the time if a woman isn’t interested initially, she won’t be interested when you approach her. She could be unavailable, not in the mood, not into guys or whatever reason. Alternatively, she could be testing you or she is just waiting for someone brave enough to tame her. Then it really becomes a game where you need to be in it to win it.
You can play this game two main ways, either read the signals and approach the women that are interested OR you can test your ‘game’ and see if you can create that interest and attraction yourself.
All women will give signals – they are the so called gatekeepers of the courtship ritual, even if it doesn’t seem like they are interested, they will give off the most subtle signs. If you learn to read these subtle signals you’re way ahead of the pack and you can hone in with more precision and hence be more successful with your dating efforts.
The 6 Subtle Signs
Here are the 6 subtle yet sure signs that she is into you. They target specific areas of body language and behaviors that can signal her interest in you. Your job is to build up your visual acuity in picking up these subtle signals.
It's important to note that these are all 'pre-approach' signals meaning the signals that happen before anyone approaches.
1. Body Alignment
One of the easiest ways to see if someone is interested in you is to see how their body is positioned to you. Whether it’s a stranger, friend or potential partner, you can tell just from the way they align themselves to you. For instance, if someone is facing away from you during a conversation you can be pretty certain that they aren’t interested in talking to you. Similarly, if the person is engaged and interested in you they will have their entire body either matching your position or directly facing and aligned to you.
I tend to look at people’s feet to literally see where they want to go. If your target has her feet facing your direction, shoulders and hips in your direction, it’s a good indication that they are keen on you. Sometimes it may be what I call an incongruent alignment meaning that she might have her face turned away from you but her feet are still pointing directly at you. In this case I would still consider this a positive attraction sign since the feet are driven more by the subconscious than your conscious mind – Her emotions (driven by the subconscious mind) are drawing her towards you however her conscious mind might be still engaged in a conversation with her friend.
2. Exposing Her Vulnerabilities
No not her ‘goodies’, rather the parts of her bodies that make humans vulnerable, i.e. the neck and under the throat, the soft inside of the wrists. These so called feminine erogenous zones are exposed when a woman submissively invites a man to proceed with courtship. Her exposure of her vulnerable regions has the implicit meaning that she welcomes his advances and her guards are lowered. The signals are discreetly displayed to only her subject of desire so look at the direction she is targeting.
This particular subtle sign takes some time to pick up on however once you see it in clusters (multiple simultaneous signs) it will become very apparent to you.
3. Preening Herself
Any effort on her part to make herself look more attractive is a strong signal that she is keen on you. Things like repetitive hair toss and flick, adjusting her outfit, playing with her earrings or simply pouting her lips is a good indication there is interest (when it’s directed at you).
The most common and obvious preening signal is the flick or brush of the hair. Even if her hair looks pristine she will continue to brush her hair with her fingers in your direction (simultaneously exposing her neck, inside wrist and possibly her armpit). I’ve seen women continuously brush their hair literally every two seconds right in front of my face – just like how a kitty cat would lick its paws as if it had OCD!
Next you see a woman preen herself incessantly when there is no logical reason to do so, you can be sure that she is trying to get someone’s attention.
A woman will subtly gravitate towards you she if is interested in to get your attention. She will move towards him inconspicuously without you even knowing. It’s up to you to keep track of the potential interests that surround you and note their changing positions. If a woman was previously dancing with her friends at one side of the room then suddenly you notice her and her friends dancing right next to you, it’s a good indication that there is some potential interest. Not all women will gravitate towards you, especially if they are sat down at a table with friends. They may however find subtle ‘excuses’ to be near you when the opportunity arises, i.e. when going to the bathroom they might take the scenic route and pass directly in front of you or pretend to be waiting for someone near you. I definitely wouldn’t rely on this subtle sign alone unless it’s blatantly obvious ‘she traveled half way around the world’ to be near you.
5. Gaze and Diversion
There’s two main indications related to the eyes. The first is eye contact. If your target looks directly at you then looks away after a second or two of direct contact, then looks over again a short while after – go in! That’s possibly the strongest indicator of them all. Secondly, where she looks after your eyes meet is crucial, if she looks downwards right after then it is a sign of submission, and that she is interested in letting you in her life. If she looks to the sides it is usually a sign of disinterest and finally looking up may indicate dominance.
I would definitely say this is the strongest and most obvious sign that a woman may be interested in you. Think about it this way, you wouldn’t look at someone unless they caught your attention right? There are literally thousands of other things to look at, like your phone, your friends etc. so why look at something that you’re not interested in? The more eye contact or staring she may exhibit the more interested she is in you.
6. Unnatural Behavior
This is a broader category of signals that encompasses unnatural or illogical behavior such as fidgeting with objects in her hand when she wasn’t previously doing, “popping up frequently” ( walking past you over and over), bumping into you constantly whilst dancing, and acting almost flustered or mechanical like when she is near you.
You have to listen to your logical brain when it comes to decoding signals such as these. Ask yourself things like, ‘why does she keep bumping into me when there’s plenty of room to dance’, or ‘why is she looking back past me when there is no one behind me’.
A lot of the time these unnatural or illogical behaviors are just tactics she uses to try get your attention. These are often very indirect yet very obvious signs that she wants you to notice her – so stop paying attention to the actual behavior and look deeper into the underlying reason behind her actions. This is why women often complain that men don’t listen to them. We do listen however we listen directly rather than indirectly!
The more observant and rational you are in decoding these signals the more apparent these underlying signals will become.
A Word on Signals
That there are exceptions to these rules. Some women are just haywire in the head and may give off confusing and contradicting signals just to mess with you when they have no intentions with you whatsoever. That is why it is critical to look for a cluster of subconscious signals – the body wants what it wants, and it is almost impossible to constantly fake these subconscious signals.
The key is to look for a cluster of these signals. Look for at least 2 or more signals before going for the approach, or simply 1 if you believe it is a strong signal and you can sense her desire.
There are literally hundreds of other body language signals that indicate interest however these are the most solid signals that indicate strong interest. I definitely recommend learning to read body language as a life-long rewarding skill, not just for your dating life but for all other areas such as your career and your social life.
Subtle and Magnificent
Remember women are extremely subtle yet magnificent creatures, they have an air of mystery that surrounds them and it is their prerogative that they maintain a sense of elegance and class. Unlike men, they will rarely approach you directly and ask for your number or go for the kiss, or anything of that kind. It is really up to you to fine tune your body language reading skills to decipher what’s really going on in their mind. Trust me, once you learn the fine arts of body language, your world will literally explode with possibilities – it’s like have X-ray vision into their minds and that by definition is a super power.
Either way these are solid signals to bank your ego on just remember to use some common sense to read the underlying signals. The rest of the attraction phase will be up to you, however at least you know where you stand in the beginning if you can read these signals accurately. It takes time however with practice it will become clearer and easier to decipher these subtle signals automatically, giving you a competitive edge that will serve you in all aspects of life.