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7 Tips on Surviving your Divorce Process

By Edited Jun 20, 2015 1 0
Unhappy Couple

 As trite as it may sound, you really are not all alone. I know you are probably overwhelmed with life now, I wish I could say I found a magic wand and could make these next few months go by quickly and painlessly. But since I cannot do that, let me just share with you a few things I have learned along the way.  Here is my simple advice:

1. Be selective...

There will be many well-meaning folks, your friends, your family and yes, even complete strangers, who will have cold, hard, step by step practical  instructions for you to follow, to get this done, to get it done fast, and to protect yourself legally while you are at it. Some advice will come from their own experiences, others will be sure that they know best.  Choose what feels right for you from that lot, and ignore the rest.

2. Divorce is a process, not a single event...

This is a process, it might be slow, it might be quick, it all depends on you and you ex-spouse, but remember it’s a process, not a single event. Let things happen at your own speed, not somebody else’s schedule, even if that other person loves you. People want things finished, resolved, and neatly stored away. It makes it easier for them to cope, and they want it easier for you to cope too. But, remember, you and only you can know when it is right to move to the next part of the process. 

3. Trust yourself and your decisions...

There are big changes coming, and it will not always be easy, many times you might be tempted to look back, as uncomfortable as your life was, it was familiar, and therefore easy. Don't do it. Trust yourself that you have made the right choices, and that you can handle the things that will come along. Don’t let fear take over your judgement or cause you to doubt your abilities.....you can do this!

4. Take care of yourself..

Your emotions will be attacked, so make sure you are sleeping, eating right, exercising….AVOID as much stress as you can. That might mean doing less, not being perfect at everything right this moment, disengaging from other folks who weigh you down. Non-essential things must be put on the bottom of the list for a while. Give yourself permission to do this, guilt free. It will save your life. 

5. Be honest...

This may or may not have been your decision, but whatever the reasons, you are here now. Be completely honest with yourself about your feelings. Talk about them to someone you trust, or write them down, or go for counselling, but do not let them simmer and eat you up from the inside out. It takes way too long to heal if you do not deal with some of these emotions right from the start.

6. Allow yourself to feel the emotions...

Remind yourself that it is ok to be angry, sad, even bitter, while you unwind the last years of your life, it's like grieving after a death, because something has died. But it is also very important to feel the joys and happy moments that will still be happening everyday, in your life. Do not lose focus on this, these are what will help carry you through. You do not want to get stuck in the negative emotions. Life is great, and will be for you again too. Believe it.

7. Ask for help...

One of the most important things of all is to ASK FOR HELP! Divorce is not easy, nor is it fun. If you isolate yourself, by "soldiering on" and keeping up the "happy facade" you will feel a tremendous loneliness even among your best supporters. You might need a walking partner, a shoulder to cry on, or childcare on occasion. When people in your life ask if there is "anything they can do", take them up on their offer, it will help you regroup and regain your strength to carry on. You don't have to do it all by yourself.

So, keep it as real as you can, put one foot in front of the other and you will find yourself on the other side of this, healthy, happy and whole.



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