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8 Steps to getting your Ex Back

By Edited Jul 9, 2016 1 1

8 steps to getting your Ex Back
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     Have you lost someone you love and want to get them back into your life? There is a void where they used to be and everything reminds you of them. Every song on the radio seems to be about breaking up and all they have on TV are romantic comedies. None of your friends are single so you’re now the social third wheel; an awkward place to be. We have all been in this position at one time or another in our lives and want so badly to get that person back but just didn’t know how.  You won their heart in the first place, now how can you win it back? Well as most thing in life, knowledge is the key, so here are eight things you need to know if you want to get your ex back.


  • Understand why: Do you understand why the relationship ended in the first place? It’s going to be difficult to repair any damage you may have done if you don’t understand what you were doing wrong in the first place.  If you look back at your relationship you will likely find that your ex told you why, in several different ways. However you either did not “get it” or did not want to hear it and so now, here you are, alone.
  • Dignified Farewell: When you are leaving or they are leaving you, do it with dignity. You will disarm their anger if you just stand up straight and be cool when you are packing to leave or when you see her “around”.  Nothing will get done until the anger is removed from their heart. Be nice and show them that you care and wish the best for them, tell them that they deserve the love they need. Remember you can put out a hot head with a bucket of cool water, so play it cool and they will reconsider why they left you in the first place.
  • Break contact:  This is very hard to do and requires a lot of personal discipline, yet is absolutely essential if you want to get them back. This may seem strange; staying away from someone you want to see, yet playing “hard to get” is an idea that has been around for a very long time.  If someone has made up their mind that they do not want you in their life it is very hard to convince them otherwise, unless you have broken contact for long enough for them to realize that you are gone.  There is no chance of reconciliation if they are still firm in their mind that they do not want you.  However time can change hearts as well as minds, even heal a broken heart.
  • Re-invent yourself: When this person finds you back in their life for whatever reason, you must be different not only on the outside but on the inside too. Get a different hair cut, wear different styles of clothing, and try different makeup if applicable. You have to become as “new” as possible to them, showing a side that they have never seen before.  They will feel like you are a “new person” and not the same person they broke up with way back when.
  • Acceptance of loss: This will be on the part of the other person, they must realize and totally believe that you are gone for good before there will be any chance of reconciliation. Now the time limit on this is different for every case; sometimes it takes hours, other times weeks or months depending on the severity of the situation and the history you have in that relationship. You have to be patient with them and let them realize this on their own, which is going to take time and discipline on your part. But they are worth it, right?
  • Re-entry: Now you must somehow reinsert yourself into their life somehow. You and only you can know when and how you can do this. Perhaps a social outing where you might accidentally meet, sports events or even on the bus they take to work. How you re-enter their lives is going to have an effect on how the relationship goes on from there so don’t force your way in but find a way to accidentally re-enter their life.
  • Re-ignite:  When you are with this person you have your chance to re-ignite the feelings this person had for you when you first got together. They are already going to have feelings for you because you have history; so laugh, flirt, tell jokes and don’t put any pressure on them at all. Their hearts will remember you and those feeling will come to the surface faster than if you have just met someone new.
  • Reconciliation: This is the part you have been working towards all along. You have won them back and can enjoy basking in their light once more. Just remember the first step and keep in mind why you ended up apart in the first place. Going through all this simply to lose that person again because of the same behavior is pointless.


        There are eight different steps to getting your Ex back and while each on in itself can lead you to finding the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Just remember why you ended up broken up in the first place and don’t behave like that again. It hurts to have your heart ripped out and thrown into a trash can, especially so if it is being done for the second time by the same person! So learn from your mistakes and love the person for who they are, what they are and why they are. There is only one reason why we are here on this planet and it’s to love each other; the rest is all gravy.  So good luck and I wish you many happy years together!



Mar 13, 2013 7:53am
Sometimes the change you need to make is VERY subtle.
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