‘Every saint has a past and every sin has a future’ – Oscar Wilde
Happy, sad, nervous and anger these are the emotions that all of us go through in life. What’s mysterious/beautiful is the story behind that laughter and tears. Everyone has a story about the past that they will never forget. Some stories bring back painful memories, while others rejoiced talking about it over and over again. One thing for sure, if you can remember to remember the stories, there’s a profound reason why the stories of the past are etched in your mind.
But, it’s the painful, tormenting and harsh memories that make it difficult for anyone to move on, compared to the beautiful memories. Nevertheless, every story is never all purely about sadness or anger. The emotions that we face are not mutually exclusive. This is because in the deep pains of the story, there’s bound to be that glimpse of happiness/ ray of hope that you once enjoyed and vice versa. In that moment of happiness, though it is a pure feeling, there’s bound to be that something that tarnish that moment. Indeed, with every difficulty there’s ease. What I’ve profoundly learned over the year is that everyone has a hard battle to fight including myself. So, here’s how to not be an incessant pest to others, but to let go and move on.
1. The world doesn't revolve around you.
Many times, when we hold on to something, we fail to subconsciously notice the effect we have on others. We brood, we cry, we talk about the same thing over and over again. Our poor friends or family members though some maybe pretentiously nice to hear about it, they want you to stop. Stop torturing the people that care about you. Yes, talking to other people maybe cathartic, but bare in mind that others feel the heat, especially when you talk about the same topic over and over again. So, the next time you meet the people that you love, don’t verbal vomit on them, but be mindful about their needs and wants too. The people that care about you wants to see you truly happy. So stop and think before you verbally vomit on them.
2. Grab a pen and write furiously.
Yes, I get it. Sometimes that wave of emotions hit you and you feel that you are drowning in the sea of misery. The energy and emotions start to build up within you and you feel like you are going to die. Stop. The first thing you want to do is to stop feeling that way and recognise that the wave of emotions came and visit you temporarily. In physics, we’ve learned that energy is not created nor destroyed but transferred. Therefore, the challenge to us is to channel our energy and attention to something that is not harmful to others and ourselves. Write! Dance! Sing! SHOUTTTTT! Whatever it is, never suppress that emotion when the emotional wave hits you. Channel it somewhere. Move it!
3. Swallow your pride and have a declaration for forgiveness.
‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.’ – Serenity Prayer.
The event happened for a reason. What you do about it is and make up of it is your choice. I am sure there’s a reason to why you do what you did. Or whether the person who did to you did what he had to do. Whether it is justifiable or not, the choice is yours. You can choose to hold grudges and all the negativity in one bag, or let go of that sack and fill in with beautiful memories. Now of course, I would encourage you to let go of the negativity because who would want to carry that excess baggage?
It starts with forgiveness.
You can start by saying out aloud, in front of a mirror, ‘I forgive myself for making the actions and I take accountability of what happened. I will learn from my mistakes and remind myself occasionally about it and move on freely’
In forgiving others, if you are not ready to talk to the person, talk to yourself in front of a mirror, ‘I forgive what you have done to me, no matter how hurtful or painful it is to me. I will learn from this experience and be stronger, wiser and smarter in everything.’
Forgive yourself for making that action and forgive others for making that action. No one is perfect and everybody makes mistake.
4. Meditate and stay calm at all times
The fast-paced of our lives and hectic schedule can easily zap off our energy easily. From time to time, it is always good to check our moral compass and be in tune with the forces of nature. Spend a few minutes and appreciate the sky, the cloud, the hands, the legs, the trees and anything that is natural. This will enable you to be thankful of the small and huge things that we have been blessed.
5. Be smart and protect yourself
With all the previous experiences, you become a good judge of character and begin to sniff the smelly fishes in the sea. Be choosy and prepared and guard yourself against toxic people. They are going to still be there to assist you to be a better person
6. Judging others shows a true reflection of who you are as a person
‘Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves’ - Carl Jung
In holding on to a certain memory or thing, we are judging about things that are around us. Good or bad, know that karma will bite us in the ass if we are not careful about our thoughts, actions and words. Therefore, even though there’s something about someone that irritates you, suspend the judgement and submit it to the higher order. This is to also protect you in the long run as we are something’s blinded by the things that we belief.
7. Proactively find a solution
When we hold on to regret and worry, the energy again builds up, instead of brooding and looking at the same thing over and over again, proactively find solution to it.
8. Be open to learn
Life is all about letting go of the negativities, learning from it and moving on. When the mind is too fixated on one area, you waste every second in making it into a beautiful memory. Holding on to judgement and expectation, there wouldn’t be room for improvement. Therefore, embrace it and learn from the mistakes. Life is about learning anyway.
9. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy
Everyone deserves to be happy but no one deserves to be free of obstacles and challenges. In fact, it drives them more and keeps that fire and passion burning in them. So, encourage yourself to be happy! Know for a fact that these good, bad, ugly things happen for a reason and focus on the positives. You can do it! J