The conundrum. You asked her to marry you, and she said yes. The wedding which you hadn't put much thought into up to this point seems is growing and gaining speed like a snowball down a mountain.

You want to start marriage on the right foot, so you let your future wife organise the wedding. After all you are giving her what she wants, total control over the day, right?

If only it were that easy. If you don't have an input, she will think that you're not interested and that you're not contributing to the day. But the truth is that grooms typically don't care what colour the flowers are, what the readings are during the ceremony or what style the bridesmaids dress is. 

Sometimes you can get away with saying something that even you know is totally stupid, (like suggesting the terminator 2 theme song for her walk down the aisle, or a black wedding dress) just so she remembers why she is the one doing most of the organising. But if you do it too often it can come across as brash.

So what can you do? Grooms can feel trapped, and whatever you do or say comes back in your face.

The trick is to not suggest anything, the truth is she's not going to really listen to you anyway. She just wants to feel like she is doing the right thing and that you are contributing. Instead of taking one choice over the other, ask questions about the choices that she's giving you until there's a clear winner in her mind. I.e which colour do you think will match the bridesmaids dresses better?


Sometimes the best defence is a good offence, you can buy yourself some breathing space from wedding talk.

Here are some tips that you can suggest to your special woman, that will show her you've been thinking about the special day, and get you some credit in the bank.

  • Ask her if she has the wedding stamps yet (these are stamps with wedding related images on them designed for your invitations and RSVP cards. They do sell out so get them as early as you can)
  • When you are doing the gift registry, grab a photo frame and ask 'do you think our parents would like a photo of us as a thank you gift?' (Gold)
  • Suggest disposable cameras for every table. (So your guests can take photos during the reception and you don't have to pay the photographer extra.)
  • Don't try to tell your wife what ring she wants, but for you, if you get a yellow gold (not white gold) ring you can just polish it with your thumb. White gold is gold with a plated finish, and requires plating again every year.

Planning your big day is thirsty work. So don't forget to reward yourself with the beer and spirits upgrade for the reception!