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A Nice Guy's Frustration

By Edited Jul 9, 2016 2 3

I hear it all the time. You meet this girl. Somehow you manage to go out with her or maybe you just meet her. You give her stuff all of the time and you shower her with all of your attention and tell her that you love her (after spending 10 minutes). You also tell her every 10 seconds how hot she is. She is getting a little distant and cool and you may or may not notice. One day, she has this talk with you and she says "lets just be friends."

Ouch, that does hurt, but you don't let it show. Of course you believe that she wants to be friends first and then l;ater on you will reach a closer level in the relationship. Then suddenly, you see the jerk. You notice that she is all over him and it messes with you a little. One other thing that you notice is that she is not as nice to her as you were. Not only that, but there are days when she comes crying to you about how bad he treats her. You wonder why she is staying with such a person. Face it, she is with him and you are alone. Ah, a nice guys frustration is taking place here. Don't feel bad, this is the story of many guys. A lot of relationships end up that way for nice guys. They always lose their women to the jerks. Read on, and I will give you the low down on what is happening.

You were obviously being a nice guy. This should have won you the girl right? Actually, no. The problem is that you overplayed the niceness. Extreme niceness actually comes off as insecurity of some sort. You probably didn't stand up for yourself and let her walk all over you. One of the things a woman is looking for is a man who can protect her and take care of her. If you do not show yourself to be able to stand up to her, how are you going to stand up to someone dangerous. 

Another thing to understand is that niceness that is overplayed tends to scare women off. I myself have known a lot of extremely nice people that have snapped and revealed themselves to be real psychos. Not a good look for us nice guys. There is a chance that she herself has seen some crazy kind hearts. The fact of the matter is that when you try too hard. You often give off that vibe that is like a rubberband stretched to its limits and about to break. There is a sense of strain that is coming from you. Women do not like that feeling. Nether do men either. 

What you really want to do is just be yourself. Have your say in the matter at least every once in a while. She will respect you more for it. If not, then you just walk away. Life is too short to waste on this one girl. The same goes for women too, because you folks are definitely known for being attached. Life is too short to be spending with this one man that does not appreciate you. 



May 24, 2011 1:08am
Good article. The one thing I like about this article is that it shows that being too nice can be a bad thing, but it doesn't mean we (fellas) have to be mean either. When a guy knows he's being used, then he should definitely stand up for himself (even at the cost of being on the bad side with the girl).
May 24, 2011 7:08am
It's interesting to see how this works from a male perspective. It's a shame that women, or anyone in general, equate niceness with weakness. Maybe nice people operate from the premise of treating others the way that they themselves would like to be treated.

As an older woman, I can say that the nice guy is a much better catch for the long term than the macho man who acts tough all the time. Some people are addicted to the drama of dating mean people.

I think a man can be nice, polite and respectful while maintaining 100% of his masculinity. After dating a few jerks, these women will wonder what they were thinking and probably wish they had stayed with the "nice" guy.
May 24, 2011 1:28pm
I agree with you LPerry. A TRULY nice guy is a much better catch. In fact, I can say that a truly nice guy is much more masculine than those macho guys, because he has nothing to prove.

It is unfortunate that a lot of people do tend to take kindness for weakness (at least where I live). It is in those situations where the nice guy has got to stand up and put his foot down (not literally I hope).

What it really comes down to is self respect.
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