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A Zombie Survival How To

By Edited Nov 13, 2013 10 18

We all know this day is coming, with the advancement in medicine people are living longer and it's only a matter of time until nobody dies and Zombies inherit the earth. Before this day happens I feel it is my duty to create a manual to help those of us that survive the initial surge of zombie attacks to keep on keeping on, so here is my Zombie Survival How To part 1.

Fat Zombie
Determine what type of Zombies you are dealing with: This is the most important factor to determine when an outbreak occurs. Zombies can come in various shapes, sizes and speeds. You need to determine if they are the mindless wandering zombies that don't move very quickly, or maybe they have mutated and are something completely different. Try to figure out if they are runners or just walkers. If they turn out to be runners try to make your way to a more over weight area because if they are going to be running after you, you need to give yourself a better chance of getting away.

Stay in groups: If you find other survivors try to stay together. The ideal group would consist of a former police officer or someone who was in the army, a doctor, a token hot chick (just in case the world needs to be repopulated) and most importantly an out of shape person who doesn't get along with the rest of the group. This is the most important member because he will buy you one get out of zombie attack free card, because if they close in on you and you have to run you don't have to outrun the zombies (assuming they are the running type) you just have to outrun him.

Find A Gun Shop
Try to locate the closest gun shop: For some this will be an easy task depending on where you live. For example if you happen to live in the southern States they can be located on numerous street corners, however if you happen to live in somewhere like Canada this will be a little more difficult. The good thing though is that once you do find one there will be no paper work to fill out.

A Zombie Survival How To

Avoid populated areas: This seems like a no brainer but there will always be someone that insists that you go into the city to collect supplies and check for other survivors. If you do find that you simply must enter a large city

Your old co-workers are no longer your friends: If by some chance you happen to run into an old co-worker that you used to chat to about the daily events and how much you dislike your boss, realize that he no longer has an interest in small talk unless it involves brains or eating people, feel free to forgo the previous pleasantries and either run or dispose of him.

Be creative: All those tips and tricks you learned by trying to save the environment, like creating bio diesel and catching rain in a bucket for water will come in handy now that the world is in complete chaos. So I think that when the zombies do attack we have Al Gore to thank for us making us learn new ways of getting by.

Al Gore Saves us from Zombies

Don't worry A Zombie Survival How To part 2 will be coming before the undead roam.

A Zombie Survival How To

We all know this day is coming, with the advancement in medicine people are living longer and it's only a matter of time until nobody dies and Zombies inherit the earth. Before this day happens I feel it is my duty to create a manual to help those of us that survive the initial surge of zombie attacks to keep on keeping on, so here is my Zombie Survival How To part 1.

Determine what type of Zombies you are dealing with: This is the most important factor to determine when an outbreak occurs. Zombies can come in various shapes, sizes and speeds. You need to determine if they are the mindless wandering zombies that don't move very quickly, or maybe they have mutated and are something completely different. Try to figure out if they are runners or just walkers. If they turn out to be runners try to make your way to a more over weight area because if they are going to be running after you, you need to give yourself a better chance of getting away.

Stay in groups: If you find other survivors try to stay together. The ideal group would consist of a former police officer or someone who was in the army, a doctor, a token hot chick (just in case the world needs to be repopulated) and most importantly an out of shape person who doesn't get along with the rest of the group. This is the most important member because he will buy you one get out of zombie attack free card, because if they close in on you and you have to run you don't have to outrun the zombies (assuming they are the running type) you just have to outrun him.

Try to locate the closest gun shop: For some this will be an easy task depending on where you live. For example if you happen to live in the southern States they can be located on numerous street corners, however if you happen to live in somewhere like Canada this will be a little more difficult. The good thing though is that once you do find one there will be no paper work to fill out.

Avoid populated areas: This seems like a no brainer but there will always be someone that insists that you go into the city to collect supplies and check for other survivors. If you do find that you simply must enter a large city

Your old co-workers are no longer your friends: If by some chance you happen to run into an old co-worker that you used to chat to about the daily events and how much you dislike your boss, realize that he no longer has an interest in small talk unless it involves brains or eating people, feel free to forgo the previous pleasantries and either run or dispose of him.

Be creative: All those tips and tricks you learned by trying to save the environment, like creating bio diesel and catching rain in a bucket for water will come in handy now that the world is in complete chaos. So I think that when the zombies do attack we have Al Gore to thank for us making us learn new ways of getting by.

Don't worry A Zombie Survival How To part 2 will be coming before the undead roam.


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Comments

Oct 7, 2010 6:52am
dmcmahan
This is pretty good especially Al Gore.lol
Oct 24, 2010 10:15am
vetochemicals
Great article, hope I won't be here when zombies rule! I can't even take the zombie movies without scaring the __ out of myself:)
Oct 24, 2010 10:16am
vetochemicals
Shoot, I forgot to say congrats on your feature!!
Oct 24, 2010 10:46am
PaulCrowe
Great Work :)
Oct 24, 2010 2:51pm
jaquirogers
I agree, great work. Was a very entertaining and interesting read.
Oct 24, 2010 3:48pm
weianow
Great article--had me laughing out loud!
Oct 24, 2010 7:26pm
bizusaonline
Nice creative writing, I love it, give us more
Oct 24, 2010 8:04pm
Sookie
I love this article!
Oct 24, 2010 11:20pm
Deborah-Diane
Fabulous! I love horror movies, and this article really had me laughing. Good job!
Oct 26, 2010 2:01pm
LilStetson
haha nice article, funny and smart!
Oct 26, 2010 3:18pm
Chint
Thanks for all the support, i'm working on the part 2 now should be up soon.
Nov 20, 2010 7:05pm
footloose
Very entertaining article, and no doubt quite important!
Dec 31, 2010 5:40pm
cricketlady
I love this Article Made me laugh, Very Funny!
Jan 12, 2011 10:58pm
nw1018
nice dude
Jan 31, 2011 12:08pm
DerekMc525
Don't forget to get a hippy who knows how to make chemicals, soap and grow stuff!
Mar 2, 2011 9:55pm
Gene_patterson
Great Article! Very Funny stuff
Mar 13, 2011 4:16pm
Yehoasheba
I am an avid Zombie fan. I even have had nightmares about them, where I am the character trying to escape...LOL. Great article. Blessings to the writer!
Mar 28, 2011 6:04am
mohdisa
great article and nice dude :)
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