A healthy love relationship compared to an unhealthy love relationship is quite the difference. Obsessive relationships provide problems. They can provide problems with being able to function everyday, along with causing potential serious mental health problems. Relationship help is right around the corner, for those who feel they're boarding on an unhealthy love relationship.
If you're going through a difficult breakup, then these techniques might apply to you. Although, it's quite normal to be going through a lot of mixed emotions in a breakup. Relationship addiction can usually be expected with adolescents. It's normal and nothing to seriously worry over. Experiencing with new emotions is just part of growing up. When you're new to relationship, you're not quite adapt to the techniques of dating.
A lot of times one who is prone to unhealthy love relationships on a continued basis in adult hood, have had a lot of broken relationships that have lead to this habit. Not with just specific boyfriends or girlfriends. Those who've had troubling relationships with their parents, brothers, or friends close to them can develop obsessive traits later in life. Obsessive relationships have a pattern for a reason. If you've never been able to establish a close, and loving relationship that has lasted in your life, then you might be prone to developing unhealthy love habits in relationships.
It's really normal if you think about it. You might even figure you've closed old wounds from the past. However, when you've developed enough broken relationships with ones close to you, that has an effect on you. So you tend to want to hold onto things a little tighter. It's a natural human reaction to have. When you as a person have experienced with numerous of failed relationships, your subconscious fears prematurely it's going to happen again. Whether they're love relationships, family relationships, or close friendships that have failed. New relationships tend to make you more anxious, lack trust, fearful, and eager.
Another trait that can lead to obsessive love is dependency. Being too dependent on people, comes down to lack of happiness with oneself. Which means you're depressed. Depression can easily trigger obsessive love. One who is depressed feels dark, lonely, scared, and lost. Those feelings make you look for a way out. A relationship could be a way looking to escape from those feelings. Those feelings can put a heavy burden on your partner. Being completely, and only dependent on someone to make you happy will lead to obsessive loving.
I'm not a therapist, I can just detail some of the motivations that come from a obsessive, and addictive love relationship. It's healthy to be head over heels in love. Love is a powerful feeling. Everyone has felt a little sad, dependent, insecure, happy, and probably a bit too carried way when it comes to love. No one said healthy love is perfect. There are a lot differences between healthy love and obsessive love, though. Real love can be flawed, but forgives, trusts, and has faith. Obsessive love is destructive and doesn't trust at all.
Before we get into the obsessive signs of a love relationship. Let's talk about the words real love. The healthy version of love. The kind of love that God visions.
Defining healthy love: A definition of healthy love always starts with trust. Trusting in the love that you have.
To quote Corinthians 13:4-7, 13: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these are love."
Think of these words, and how they apply into your relationship. Healthy love relationships are truthful ones. Not just truth in what you say, but how you feel. Love doesn't smother, pressure, or seek self-interest. Love establishes patience, devotion, sacrifice to one's feelings. True love will honor, hope, and always have faith. Healthy love understands and forgives. Real love doesn't seek revenge, or try to settle scores. It doesn't try to damage the loved person, or others around them. To really love someone, you have to be willing to lose this person even.
How does that make sense? Well, think about it like this. If you refuse to give up someone, does that really define love? That's treating love as a self interest, or more of a personal interest. Love pertains your interests. Real love shouldn't define your interests. That's the difference. Real love isn't self-seeking. The definition of sacrificing for true love, requires you to serve another person's hopes, desires, wishes and what they honor first. Healthy love means to preserve another person ahead of yourself. Even if that means letting them go. Real love is the ultimate sacrifice.
Defining unhealthy love: Obsession vs Healthy love. Simply thinking about a person all day, or wanting to be with them all the time isn't obsession love. It's healthy to think, dream, and desire another person.
However, literally being around them all the time can border on an obsession love, for both you and this person. Actually being with someone all the time doesn't define obsessive love. It can just potentially lead to obsessive love traits. Constantly missing someone is not obsessive love. It becomes obsessive when they lead to destructive actions in your life. We'll discuss those traits.
List of unhealthy and possible obsessive love traits
1.) Extreme insecurity over friends of the opposite sex, or same sex even.
2.) Trying to gain complete control over their social lives, personal life, and trying to make decisions for them. Obsessive control is lack of trust, and shows you love this person more as an object, rather than a person.
3.) Feeling insecure and shallow when they're enjoying themselves without you. You've based the relationship more on how they make you feel, rather than how you feel about them.
4.) Extreme jealousy that leads to constant smothering. Feeling the need to smother comes from wanting to control situations, your feelings, and their own feelings as well. One who constantly smothers another is a obsessive love trait. A lot of times both couples in a relationship can do this to one another.
5.) Playing off their emotions to make them feel bad, when you feel bad. Emotional abuse is definitely part of obsessive love. Obsessive love leads to extreme paranoia and insecurity.
6.) Living in constant fear that they're going to hurt you emotionally. Especially if they've never proven that they would. Your past relationships might be haunting your subconscious.
7.) Complete consumption into everything about them. Examples: Always waiting by the phone for them to call. Constantly calling, e-mailing, or writing them text messages. Even when they've not returning these messages yet. Checking up on them, spying on them, or invading their personal privacy without their permission.
8.) Involved in complete despair, depression, anxiety, and misery when they're not around. Especially if they've not been around for just a little while. Like a few hours, or days. It's normal to miss them, but when it leads to those mental health problems, it has become obsessive. You've consumed so much into the relationship. You've turn this person into every good, or bad emotion that you feel. Consuming everything in your life to one person is not healthy.
9.) The relationship is effecting your ability to function in your everyday life. This means lack of eating on a regular basis. Lack of being able to sleep. Lack of maintaining other relationships in your life. Interfering with your career. Lack of concentrating on anything other than this person. Inability to find much joy in other activities. This is the most serious sign of obsessive love. Obsessive love that's leading you to depression. Must seek help for this step.
10.) Inability to make your own decisions, choices, and have become apart of a codependent relationship. You've become too reliable on one person, and you're no longer your own person. Obsessive relationships can be a two-way streak. A lot of times they are.
If you think any of these traits apply to you, then you're probably in a obsessive love relationship. Seek a therapist and get the help needed. Relationship therapy might be needed for two couples, if these problems are a two-way streak. There's nothing wrong with what you're going through. A lot of people have been through obsessive love relationships. It's a psychological problem that can be treated. Getting help might salvage the relationship even, but more importantly yourself.