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About An Empty Nest

By Edited Jun 6, 2014 3 3

Empty Nesters

       During human evolution different cultures have had
different points of view on when it was time to go on your own. Some consider
coming to maturity the moment when the individual reaches the stage of
procreation, thus, they have to marry and have their own family. Others do not
leave the nuclear family, but, instead, they "add" new members to it and work
together to achieve a common goal. It varies from country to country, from
socio-economic level to the other.
I left my parents' house at age twenty four, after I graduated from University. My son left at 19 and he works full-time and attends college. Two different generations, raised in two
different countries and realities. It was and still is hard for me to deal with being
an "empty nester" but, in general, my ability to adapt is high. I think...I
hope...
    As a divorced single mother with one son,  life has been full of
challenges. Although difficult being in a new country on my own I always
provided for my child: private school, soccer, vacations, spending time with his
grand parents...and with no child support whatsoever.
How do you get ready for : " THE Moment" ?
I would look around me for other people in my situation. I think I prepared myself through my Mom's example. Both her children moved away from Eastern Europe to California. Only NOW I realize  how difficult it must have been for her...There is a saying that the first 7 years in one’s life makes a person who he is today. I am just pleased with how I raised him and he will always be my
son. I know he wants to be independent but I will always buy him a present on
his birthday or sneak his favorite candy in his pocket. That's what mothers
are for!  I know there is that feeling of sadness and emptiness sometimes ( this
house is really big now and the swimming pool is so very neat and
unused...)
There is that feeling of restlessness, especially if some of us have been stay-at-home parents. You might wonder " What do I do with myself now?"
Before having my son I was a published poet and I always felt I neglected my hobby and talent.
Now it's time for it!
Since my son left, my husband and I have been to Cancun and other wonderful places . I have never known this planet possesses that dreamlike turquoise water that "flooded" my imagination
for eternity...For the very first time I snorkeled and saw my husband "in a different light" too. 
 So, don't worry!  There is life after 40 and there is a new beginning after THEY fly the coop…although a certain nostalgia will always linger… We are human, aren‘t we?…
So, do not keep on calling every five minutes or make your grown-up child feel guilty he doesn't visit you too often.
Keep the ways of communication though through quick and effective methods such as an Internet video chat, a card in the mail or a Christmas get together.  You do not want to end up with a 45 year old single child still living at home with Mom.
The only “worry” you might have, now, is their coming back and turning you into a...GRANDMOTHER.
Good Luck to us!
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Comments

Jun 7, 2011 7:12pm
R_Gingras
very interesting article! Really makes you think!
Jun 7, 2011 8:09pm
iolanda
Thank you for reading my article and for your nice comment.
Iolanda
Aug 22, 2011 9:34am
eileen
well said, there is nothing worse than getting used to live as a married couple after the kids fly the coop. Then they return and peace vanishes. Thanks
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