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Amazingly Stupid (but Real) Baby Names

By Edited May 24, 2016 2 13

Silly Celebrity Baby Names

Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee

Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee

Celebrities love exposure in the press, which may be the reason for so many of them choose crazy baby names.  There are tons of examples, but here are some of the craziest.

While skateboarder turned actor Jason Lee was engaged to actress Beth Riesgraf, they had a son named Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee. The couple claims they came up with the unusual name after listening to the song "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot" by the indie rock band Grandaddy, perhaps implying thier son would be simple and/or dumb. Maybe he was trying to be funny, but more likely the name Pilot Inspektor is some weird nod to the Church of Scientology to which Lee belongs.

Jason Lee also had a daughter Casper Lee with his now wife Ceren Alkaç.  Casper, for a girl, well ok...

Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette

Comedian/magician Penn Jillette, 50, and his wife Emily, 39, named their girl Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette according to publicist Glenn Schwartz.  "We chose her middle name because when she's pulled over for speeding she can say, `But officer, we're on the same side,"' Jillette explained. "`My middle name is CrimeFighter."

Fifi Trixibelle Geldof

Daughter of Irish singer and songwriter Bob Geldof and wife Paula Yates, Fifi Trixibelle is going to face a tough time bearing three dog names in school.  Does this name make her a female dog?  Here puppy puppy... see it's not hard to see why this was just a really bad idea.

Officially Fifi was named for Geldof's aunt Fifi, and his wife was fascinated with the lifestyles of southern belles, hence the last part.

Sage Moonblood Stallone

What exactly was Sylvester Stallone thinking?  We are not going to challenge Rambo on his choice of names though.  Guys this tough can name their kids whatever they want.

Audio Science Clayton

Children's book illustrator and author Dallas Clayton, had a son on May 29, 2003 with actress Shannyn Sossamon . "We wanted a word not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times." "We were going to call him Science, but thought it might get shortened to Sci, as in SIMON." I named my daughters using dictionary words too, but Jade and Emerald are not going to face lifelong ridicule.

 

Dangerous or Illegal Baby Names

Adolf Hitler Campbell

as Reported by MSNBC on 12/17/2008:

Unfortionately named Adolf Hitler Campbell

Heath and Deborah Campbell of Hunterdon County, New Jersey made news and waves when they complained in the media that a local ShopRite refused to make a birthday cake for their 3-year-old Adolf Hitler, with the child's first and middle name on it. The story in a local paper prompted an outpouring of angry Internet postings on their flare-up over frosting.

"I think people need to take their heads out of the cloud they've been in and start focusing on the future and not on the past," Heath Campbell said in an interview.  "There's a new president and he says it's time for a change; well, then it's time for a change," the 35-year-old continued. "They need to accept a name. A name's a name. "

When Deborah Campbell called ShopRite to order the cake she was directed to a supervisor, who denied the request. Karen Meleta, a spokeswoman for ShopRite, defended the supermarket. She explained the Campbells had similar requests denied at the same store the last two years and said Heath Campbell previously had asked for a swastika to be included in the decoration. Meleta said. "We reserve the right not to print anything on the cake that we deem to be inappropriate, and we considered this inappropriate."

After it came out that Wal-Mart got their cake decorated at a Pennsylvania Wal-Mart, a Wal-Mart spokesperson said the company would review its guidelines regarding cake decorations and other requests.

The Campbells' other two younger children also have unusual names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell  and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell (loving named for the leader of Hitler's SS.)

Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name." He sounded surprised by all the controversy the dispute had generated.  Heath should never have complained about cake because it lead to a welfare check by

Subsequent to the initial cake complaints, little Adolf and his sisters were removed from the home and eventually permanently placed in state care.  While his father was quoted as saying "The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did" it's not that far fetched.  Little 3-year old Adolf was reported to be violent toward blacks and women. He threatened on multiple occasions to kill his foster mother, own sisters and others.  The future hardly looks bright for this family, but we can assume the state changed their names. 

Attempts to Create Celebrity Babies

In some jurisdictions, authorities can reject proposed names. Here are a few names that have been ruled inappropriate, some ultimately were approved by courts - saddling the poor kids with ridiculous names until they are old enough to fix them.

Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116

In 1991, chosing to protest a new law in Sweden that required approval for all Swedish babies, Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding filed  a 43-character non-sense name  perhaps created by letting a toddler or a monkey pound on a keybourd. Understandably Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116  (pronounced “Albin”) was rejected.  They tried again with just the letter A (also pronounced "Albin") which was also rejected.  One wonders why they did not just register "Albin".

Metallica Tomaro

That pesky Swedish law on baby naming almost stopped another Swedish couple from naming their kid Metallica. In defense of the name, mom Karolina Tomaro said, “It suits her. She’s decisive, and she knows what she wants.” They eventually had the heavy metal name court approved.  I'm sure little Metallica will be thanking her parents for their thoughtfulness for years to come.

"@"

Parents in Beijing tried to register the “@” symbol to name their child, explaining, “The whole world uses the symbol to write e-mails,” and that, “Translated into Chinese, [the symbol] means ‘love him’.”  In China the local police who register births rejected the registration certificate for little @.  

Legality of Offensive Names

Law Professor Richard A. Epstein rightly pointed out in a Forbes column that naming a child with a name that will invoke abuse from others - perhaps even physical harm - constitutes child abuse.  Parents are only guardians of their children, not the owner.  Epstein goes on to say that:

"Today, no adult could voluntary take the name Adolf Hitler either. This basic point is explicitly recognized under modern trademark law, which explicitly forbids any person from registering a trademark that consists of "immoral or scandalous matter."

The established case law won't let anyone register a new men's cologne under the name "Adolf Hitler." Forcing other individuals to use odious names is too high a price to pay when literally millions of other names are open to the user."

A few more stupid baby names collected in this video

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Comments

Feb 26, 2012 4:26pm
egdcltd
I sometimes wonder if some people really hate their children that much. Or want them to hate their parents when they get older. And don't forget Moon Unit Zappa.
Feb 26, 2012 4:32pm
miravu
Wow JD - Great article. I can understand using unusual baby names but these are absolutely insane.

I love my free speech in the US, but there are some extremes that go way too far. Case in point: the hateful parents you just described.
Feb 26, 2012 4:37pm
Lynsuz
Amusing, I agree with egdcltd, do they hate the children or do the kids hate the parents later. Most will unlikely change their names later in life. Some people will do anything to get attention, but at the cost of their children life long name is very sad indeed.
Feb 27, 2012 3:37am
vicdillinger
David Bowie's son, Zowie, a now-respectable film director, had changed his name from Zowie whe he was old enouygh to do it.

And the jackholes who named their kid Hilter are obviously white supremacist maggots who are foolling no one with their line of hippie-speak. The kid will unfortunately have to spend time and money to get a legal name change just to survive.
Feb 26, 2012 6:04pm
Derby
I feel better after reading the article. I named my youngest son Kale, not realizing that it was a vegetable. Fortunately he has greatly surpassed his name's potential.
Feb 27, 2012 3:10am
JadeDragon
You are just following on "Apple". I do recommend Googling every proposed name before selecting it. Don't want to select the first and middle name of a serial killer or something else crazy like that.
Feb 26, 2012 6:30pm
DebDavies
Sad to say Moon Unit, Dweezil and Metallica seem to be pretty harmless when compared to the other messes you listed.
Feb 27, 2012 3:06am
JadeDragon
There are plenty more stupid celebrity baby names. I just highlighted the dumbest ones.
Feb 27, 2012 5:20am
SincerelyT
Hilarious!
Feb 29, 2012 1:28am
Senterprises
I've flipped through a few baby name books and some of the recommendations are pretty unique, but there are some folks out there (typically celebrities) that have saddled their poor children with some stupid baby names.
Mar 1, 2012 5:02pm
mommymommymommy
If you are unsure of what to name your child, ask an elementary school teacher. She will come up with all sorts of monikers that you do not want your child to be called. If she can't, then you have a winner!
Mar 3, 2012 3:27pm
JadeDragon
Great suggestion :) Also Google the name to see if there is going to be a problem with association.
May 10, 2012 6:40pm
jjhansen
Wow! Some parents are cruel! Great article.
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