Let's face it. Not every child dreams of becoming a doctor who heals the sick or a benevolent philanthropist to shower riches on the needy. Some are simply born to rule! Divine visions of basking in the adoration of doe-eyed followers and the ability to issue world-changing commands are what fill the thoughts of these younglings. Herein lies the ten step process needed to accomplish your goal of total domination.
Step 1. Install Yourself in a Position of Authority
Establishing yourself in a position of power is the first step in your evil plan to conquer the world. Use any means neccessary to promote yourself. Bold faced lies are a perfectly acceptable means to accomplish your goals. Feel free to lie about your background to make you look like a rock star. Make sure to make friends with people already in high positions. But, make sure you pick complete imbeciles who have no ambitions such as yours!
Step 2. Surround Yourself with Devout Followers
An important step in your evil pla, is finding a group of followers to support your cause. Intelligence is not a requirement. As mentioned above, morons who are also in positions of authority work wonderfully. Preferably, just competent enough to secure the drool from dribbling down their chins. This group people will be the loyal hounds to carry out your dastardly deeds. After all, maintaining your squeaky-clean image is imperative to gaining the trust of the sheep. Whom, will soon be under your complete control! Mwahahahahaha!
Step 3. Control the Media
Every great regime needs a mouthpiece! Get control of the media; you are going to need someone to spew out your vile dribble to the sheep. Make sure to promote your ideas using words with positive connotations such as "progress," "the need for change," and "moving forward." Remember there is nothing wrong with bribery and other forms of skulduggery in order to promote your agenda from within the shadows; so long as you are not caught!
Step 4. Use Crises to Your Advantage
A crisis is a divine gift for your cause. The sheep panic during this times, and are looking for guidance. These are opportunities to swoop in, and shepherd your fold in the direction you want them to go. Even if it's not a crisis, make it one! Use that mouthpiece to blast the public with propaganda to progress your cause ever further.
Step 5. Begin Your Evil Spy Network
Every evil overlord needs their own espionage network. How else would you know when someone is misbehaving and calling you names behind your back? Spies are expensive and frankly too few too cover a large radius. Recruit your own subjects for free! Suggest that all "law-abiding" citizens who "love their country," report dissentious behaviors to the authorities. Advocate that this is to guard "national security," and help the "greater good."
Step 6. Disarm the Public
Take away the arms and you take away the ability to revolt. But do this subtlety. Offer things such as tax refunds and ongoing tax breaks to those who do not weapons. After all, the sheep won't be able to see past the Bejamins to see what you are up to.
Amazon Price: $15.99 $9.59 Buy Now
(price as of Apr 22, 2016)
Step 7. Silence the Fold
There will always be those pesky subjects who don't quite fall in line under your shepherd's crook. Those who continually whine about freedom, liberty and warn of an impending coup. These people are dangerous to your plans, and must be removed. Of course this does not mean you are advocating violence...yet. Alienate these people by labeling them as "radicals," "extremists," or "domestic terrorists." Then sit back, and enjoy the show as their own countrymen tear them into figurative pieces through ridicule and hate
Step 8. Economical Collapse
The beginning of the end. You WANT society to collapse, and the easiest way will be to bring the economy to a tipping point. Use your authority here wisely. Speak to the people and tell them how much better things are getting. Economics is simple. Continue to spend more than you make, and you will eventually cause the neccesary collapse you so desire.
Step 9. The "Supreme" Solution
Sweet, sweet panic! Your fold is now running around without guidance. They are looking for someone to guide them back to green pastures. Enter...you. Be that guiding light they need to put their pitiful lives back together. They will flock to your banner like moths to the flame. Congratulations! You have successfully achieved greatness, but there is one final step!
Step 10. Crush Any Resistance
Unfortunately, there will be those who fail to submit to your rule by divine right. They simply have yet to see the wisdom having you as a supreme overlord. Therefore, the time has come to crush the bugs under your boot heels. Lucky you had the insight to disarm the majority of the public prior to your coup. The resistance will be fierce but small. Crush the meager few who claim to be patriots against your overlordship, and your victory will finally be complete.