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Being Cool

By Edited Feb 10, 2016 1 0

I am Cool

Being trendy has always been hot topic of elusive prestige and often the source of some pretty nasty chicken fights as well. The state of being slightly lower in temperature than everyone else is subject to the social conditions there within and has changed much over the years. Robin hood of course is considered a founding father of coolness by breaking status quos all over medial times land masses and leading a band of green leotard cladden and infectiously jolly men to fight evil. The epitome of cool. Sadly, however, he has also been accused of inspiring the invention of the heathenous and incredibly derogatory word...Tart. But let us not be offended enough to take up arms and legs against these tools. In fact, these offenders represent a force that all contenders of The Cool must overcome. On the path to coolness one is beset with these sorts of dilemmas and the fact must be held in strong belief that the status quo must always be challenged, unless it includes Long Jons. Perseverance and strength of will are imperative and also synonyms. One must forage a head no matter consequences. Sometimes you may be foraging entirely in the wrong direction but it is the forging itself that is admirable. In fact, I have a personal respect for those who hit rock bottom but are undaunted and continue on to bang their head against it.

By now I'm sure you are saying to yourself "wow! Can I be like these people too!?!" And the answer is YES! of course you can! And what you need to do is very simple; there are a set of principles that all Persons of the Ultimate Cool live by. Follow these and you too can be cool!

Law of difference

This is the most basic of principles and is the foundation of coolness. Simply stated; everything is normal is boring and in order to remedy that, it must be reversed.

- Dress code for example; everybody knows of the fact that opposites attract, so using this principal we reverse what everybody else does. Pants should be modified and worn as shirts and sweaters should always be worn as trousers (you may add a tail coming from the neck hole for effect).

- Accents, also should be improved upon. Your normal speaking accent should be changed at least twice a week. Try to alter it nationalities and intensities of accents without warning, we want to get variety! One must also expand their vocabulary to incorporate nifty words from a long gone past too.

- Eating is a large area of opportunity. It must be remembered that what you eat is not nearly as important as how you eat it. Try using feet instead of hands, shovels instead of spoons or miniature catapults instead of forks. One of my personal favorite is consuming beverages with foreign cutlery implements. When the mood strikes me I will loaf down to the nearest convenience store and violently consume a slushy with chopsticks.

Law of ingenuity

Everything you do should be done in a new and creative way. As we already know that consuming beverages with chop sticks can be quite difficult so we must create ingenious ways for it to work with effect. I found that running a couple hundred thousand volts through a slushy will agitate the molecules sufficiently to be transported through my chopsticks into my mouth as a kind of miniature neutron accelerator. There have been some adverse effects though. Another method that I've found somewhat effective is to run the glass through with a sharpened chopstick, piercing at right through to the other side and using the chop stick as a handle. Needless to say, this takes quite some effort and I usually take a good room length running start at it. Battle cries help to.

Law of Extremity

This is a law is about unbridled passion but also about using your extremities to their maximum potential. One should always be as openly passionate as they can and make use of their limbs to express this in as much space as possible. We all know that maturing is just a code word for dying inside. Oh yes we know of all the emotionally flat lined people out there and we are not one to join them! So as stated before, this law is about expressing yourself and acting upon your emotions with ample extremity to compensate for those who don't. IDnagerous impulses are highly encouraged.

And so you have it. These are the secrets of The People of the Ultimate Cool, use them voraciously.

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