Bicycling in Bear Country can be just another normal day of bike riding unless you actually encounter a large bear. Each year a handful of bikers stumble upon a bear and get killed. Here are some ways that you can ride safer in bear country.
Mount a large bell on the bars of your bicycle that you can ding every minute or so. Some people swear that a dinging bell will scare off many bears. By carrying a bell and using it will warn the bear that you are coming and generally they would rather leave then see what is making that awful dining sound.
Seriously, pepper spray is often times the last line of defense before a bear eats your head. You need a large capacity pepper spray with at least 12-15 percent concentration. You also need to hope the wind is not blowing back at you.
A 22 caliber will not work here to kill a bear. You need a large caliber handgun such as a .45. You are not simply shooting the gun in the air to scare the bear. If you come upon a bear and he is looking to eat you then fire at the bear. Hopefully it will scare him away but if not you hopefully will get a kill shot. Keep in mind that you will not have time to get the gun out of a holster so keep it mounted to your handlebars.
Karate is a way to save yourself from many vicious attackers. Bears are not one of those attackers that karate will save you from. If your last line of defense is to run then you will lose. Experts say you should lay face down with your hands covering your head and play dead. If you don't like to play dead and think you will die then what the hell, you might as well try pulling the crane move from the Karate Kid on the bear.
A sidekick to his testicles may work but I would just as soon use a high powered handgun to blow his cahoneys off.
Techno Music played extremely loud will scare off many bears. In fact techno music will scare off about everybody in the woods. Make sure you bring ear plugs so you do not have to listen to the techno music.
Rachael Rays Baking
Everybody including Rachael Ray knows that she is an excellent cook but cannot bake very well. If Rachael Ray happens to be camping with you then have her bake up some brownies. Her baked goods should keep the bears away but just in case they don't one bite and they will definitely stay away from you. The bears would probably even put up some of the yellow caution tape that police use at crime scenes to keep people away.
If you ate enough Chili then the bears may be scared off by all of the tooting and "phfoooot" sounds coming from your camp chair where you are sitting. If the farting does not scare them off then the smell most definitely would. The only thing is if the bears get into the chili while you are out riding your bike. You may be trapped in your tent with a huge bear standing buy the campfire popping off liquidy farts.
If you are about to be killed by a bear and playing dead is not an option then you might as well have fun dying. Try something so unique that when you do die from the bear attack that Saint Peter will be standing at the gates with tears in his eyes laughing so loud. They may laugh so much at your dumb antics that they will send you back to earth with a second chance and a new bicycle.