What Not To Do COD Black Ops

My struggle with Call of Duty Black Ops online continues.  I have logged quite a few hours on the game now.  I’ve improved a bit, but not much.  I’m regularly annihilated and rarely does my kill count exceed my death count.  There is a large amount of information out there on how to improve your game and what you should do to achieve this, but not much on what not to do.  On this subject, I feel I am qualified to speak.

Don’t play unfamiliar maps.

I found this out the hard way.  I had been playing the Annihilation maps and was just starting to rack up a good game here and there.  Nothing spectacular, but my performances had just crept out of the embarrassing range.  Then I downloaded the Escalation maps.  I had no idea the layout of any of them.  I played it safe by attempting to camp in a few hidey holes, but these were obviously well known camping spots as the opposition knocked me off almost as quickly as I re-spawned.

Don’t play the run and shoot game if you are old.

I’m officially old; probably too old to be playing this game.  To run and shoot effectively, you have to possess good reflexes and reaction times.  I always thought I was pretty good in both these areas; until I played this game.  You have to be able to shoot or knife an opponent the moment you run into them.  Nine times out of ten, I’m too slow and end up dead before I’ve lifted my gun.

Don’t camp if you have nothing to protect your rear.

You might think that you have found the perfect hiding spot from which to pick off the enemy, but, rest assured, thousands of others know of that spot’s existence.  If you can’t put a claymore behind you or you can’t talk a teammate into protecting your back, then don’t camp.

Don’t blame your gun.

I think I’ve cursed every gun available, but it makes no difference.  I still suck.  Watch carefully and, if you are killed as many times as I am during a game, you will notice the extraordinary variety of weapons that bring about your demise.  Some players are brilliant with knives and tomahawks, others with pistols and crossbows.  So it’s not your gun, it’s you.

Don’t watch the replay of yourself being killed.

This is just demoralising.  You will quickly realise how bad you really are when you watch.  My replays usually show me running across a piece of open ground – within the enemy sites the whole way.  I am hit numerous times before I fall over.

Don’t run straight to an enemy’s flag when playing Capture the Flag.

There is a good reason that you can’t see any enemies near their flag when they are supposed to be defending it.  They are defending it.  They are usually hidden in every likely looking spot from which they can see their flag.  If you run blind into this situation, you are a dead man.

Don’t use a sniper rifle on the Nuketown Map.

This is a very small map, so there are players running all over it with very little room to move without running into an enemy.  There are really only a couple of high spots from which to snipe, but you will probably only manage a shot or two before someone is behind you sticking you with a knife or shooting you in the back.  Time, on this map, is short.

Don’t tell your 11 year old that you are going to achieve more kills than he will.

This just aint gonna happen.  Kids take to this game like a duck to water and will make you look stupid.  I could practice all day, every day for years and my 11 year old son would still beat me blind.

Don’t pretend you know all the weapons and maps.

Your kid will, but you really have no idea, so don’t even bother to try and sound like you know what you are doing.  You so obviously don’t know what you are doing that everyone will see through you in an instant and you’ll look completely stupid.

Don’t just stand in the open.

This is obvious, but I still manage to find myself unwittingly in the open at times.  Needless to say, you will last about a second and will soon become tired of re-spawning.

Don’t stay in one spot for too long.

If you do manage to find a cosy spot and pick off a few of the opposition, don’t spend too long there.  Those opposition players you just callously mowed down will remember where you were and will come looking for you.  You’ll know this is happening by the amount of grenades going off around you, just before you’re blown to bits or shot 100 times.

Don’t laugh at anyone with your headphones on.

Some people haven’t got a sense of humour, so if you do laugh at their misfortune when they stupidly fall off of a cliff or you sneak up behind them and knife them in the back, they will make it their sole purpose in life to kill you as often as they can; sometimes noting your gamer tag and coming after you at every opportunity.

Don’t sing into your microphone.

Players aren’t online to listen to you howling at sirens, so please don’t sing.  Everyone will just mute you anyway.

Don’t buy a specially designed gaming chair.

These things are known by a few different names, but they are the low level chairs into which you can plug your console, so the sound comes through speakers on the chair.  It sounds great and the chairs are very comfortable; but therein lies the danger.  You’ll find yourself saying things like, “just one more game, just one more game” and before you know it, it’s two o’clock in the morning.  This has never happened to me of course (I tell my wife I fell asleep watching the TV), but I can see the trap.

There’s more to this COD thing than I first thought.  If you combine this “what not to do” guide with the many excellent “what to do” guides, you will be well on your way to becoming a prestige level 15 player.