Ten Ways to Find Out Whether Your Husband Might Be Cheating
It can be very disconcerting to find yourself doubting whether your husband is cheating on you. Often, it's just a gut feeling. There's no real evidence, but that feeling won't go away. How could you know for sure if your spouse is being unfaithful? It's best to settle questions about marital unfaithfulness with facts and hard evidence. That said, there are some signs you can look for to decide whether your husband is seeing another woman. Once you know the truth, you'll be able to make an informed decision. Here are ten signs that your husband might be cheating and hiding an extramarital affair:
1. If your husband is frequently gone from the home with no good explanation of his whereabouts, he may be cheating.
Keep in mind that absense, in and of itself, is no proof. You wouldn't know, from this, if your husband is seeing another woman or just at the dog track gambling--something annoying but not on the level of an affair. There are plenty of other things people do, besides cheating on their spouses, that they conceal for their own reasons. Don't jump to conclusions, but frequent absence from your home, especially well after work hours--and obviously overnight--is a sign that something might be up.
To get this squared away, you'll want to ask a few pointed but light-toned questions, such as where he wound up going that evening, who he was with, and so on. It's all in how you put it whether this sounds accusatory. Just listen to the answers and take them at face value for the time being.
2. Having asked these questions, you will want to take note of who he said he was with, where they were, and when.
Eventually, patterns will emerge. Write it down if you hear these stories a lot and can't remember. The next time you see the friend he was with, just ask about that movie they saw or that fishing trip they went on. How many fish did they catch? How did that movie end? You rented it, but never got to see the last of it. If there are enough stories and enough friends, eventually the facts will start to get all wound up. It should be easy to detect a deception at that point.
3. While he's gone from the home, call him on his cell phone with a question about something legitimate-sounding and see what happens.
Don't call repetetively, but do call at least once and leave a message. See how long it takes for him to respond and what you hear in the background when he does. Will that match the story you hear later about where he was? Does he seem hurried without a good reason?
4. Examine his computer and cell phone.
This sounds sneaky, sure. If you are worried about cheating, though, he's already given you some reasons to be suspicious. From a strictly technical point of view, if you're married, that stuff is all community property anyway, right? So have a look at the browser history, the registry, and the cell phone contacts list. What numbers call the most often? If you do a reverse lookup, who owns the numbers?
5. Follow the money.
Affairs are expensive! Eating out, buying jewelry, burning a lot of gas--all that costs a lot of cold, hard cash! You can follow the money by examining your bank statements. Look at the debit card and credit card expenditures. Are there a lot of meals purchased on the card after work hours, where the cost of the meal is roughly twice what the average single-person meal would cost at the restaurant showing on the bank statement? Does this happen a lot?
If you are simultaneously taking notes about where he said he was on particular nights, do the credit card and bank statements and the expenditures you find there line up time-wise? Remember, if you do this, to look at the time of the transaction (if your bank shows you that) and not the time when credit transactions posted. Credit transactions often post days later, well after you originally swiped your card somewhere. You need to know the time of the original swipe. Many times, you can call the bank's customer service line and get a card usage history verbally from a customer service agent, even if your paper statement or online account only shows you the posting times for transactions, or just whole dates without the timestamp.
Cash withdrawals are one way that cheating husbands avoid leaving a paper trail. Instead of using the card for that dinner with the other woman, they withdraw $200 at an ATM and pay with cash. That, of course, would show you a $200 ATM withdrawal. If you see enough of those, you'll know some purchases are being kept off the bank statement. That won't prove cheating, but VISA and MasterCard are accepted everywhere these days, right? So why withdraw cash?
6. Check the mileage on the car to detect a cheater!
Throughout the week, discretely check the mileage on your husband's vehicle. By tracking miles travelled on the odometer, you can discern whether he's telling the truth about where he went or concealing something. Google Maps can give you the mileage between any two addresses. You can compare what the mileage would have been if his story is true vs. what the mileage driven actually is. At that point, you'll know if what you are hearing is the truth.
7. Hook him up to GPS.
If you jointly own the vehicle he drives, and I assume you do since you're married, then drop a GPS-enabled smart phone into the trunk of his car with the power on. That's a pretty drastic step, I'll grant you. However, knowing the truth is best. Would you rather blow up and accuse your husband of seeing another woman without evidence? You can use your own phone to track the planted phone's movements all over town.
Will the GPS data line up with where he says he went? What's at those coordinates?
8. To bust a cheating husband, follow your nose!
Women wear a lot of perfume, use a lot of scented lotions and shampoos, and generally cover themselves with floral-spiciness. Eventually, if there's another woman in his life, your husband is going to smell like something you don't use/wear. When it gets to that point, you have to know something is up--especially when it happens repetetively.
It might not only be the smells. Homewrecker-types, if they know their new boyfriend is married and have pressed on anyway, are the sort who might just leave signs everywhere. That lipstick in his car doesn't belong to him now, does it?
9. Observe his behavior surrounding unexpected calls.
If your spouse gets tense when his cell phone rings, that's a good sign he is anxious about you finding out something about someone he knows. If he takes a lot of calls outside, in the closet, in the garage or in another room, that's a sign something's amiss.
If you discover an entirely different cell phone that's not a work phone and not the one he usually uses, check the history and text messages on it. The "second phone" is one way cheating husbands might avoid detection. That extra phone in the car might just be his cheatin' phone!
10. Hire a private investigator.
If you see any of the other signs listed here, or several, and if you can't shake the honest intuition that something is going on outside your marriage, then hire a PI. Private investigators are very discreet and, for a fee, will gladly provide you with closure one way or the other.
Why is all this important?
If your marriage does end because of an extramarital affair on the part of your husband, you'll want to go to court with evidence of the wrongdoing. This will enhance your position when it comes to alimony and child custody, as the innocent party.
At the end of the day, knowing is better than not knowing. If you see mysterious behavior, lies, unexplained all-nighters outside the home, extra cell phones floating around, and a lot of cloak and dagger from your husband, it is best to settle the issue once and for all. Finally, when it makes sense, the two of you need to have an honest, calm conversation about your relationship and its problems. Together, you need to come to the place of absolute truth and honesty with one another so you can make a decision about the rest of your lives, and your children's lives. Cheating is a serious matter, and restoring trust after an extramarital affair with another woman is no easy task. It takes time to build a marriage in the first place, so saving one that's broken is going to take much longer. If you do stay together, expect a long road to recovery. If you don't, arm yourself with the truth and have solid evidence to back up your suspicions.