Cinderella Syndrome Symptom Depression
Cinderella doesn’t realize that marriage is suppose to be about loving and doing what you can for your spouse, because happiness is the by-product of doing something that you enjoy with someone you enjoy it with. Old happily married couple share similar passions and respect each other.
Cinderella wants to do everything she likes, who wants things her own way and usually isn’t getting it. She often feels inadequate and doesn’t understand why she feels angry, powerless and out of control. She doesn’t trust her own strengths because she depends upon others to make her happy and give her support. Some become vengeful and vindictive due to their short falls, neediness and low self-esteem. Her inferiority or illogic understanding that she doesn’t deserve to be happy and all she has to look forward to the same ole grind…this is a prelude to depression.
She also has learned early in life that if she plays the “woe is me” card enough someone will pay attention to her...and maybe they will her bidding. She is using her weakness as a strength. This attitude known in some circles as “suffering pays” many Cinderellas learn to manipulate people to obtain pleasure, that they aren’t even aware that they have developed this inner resource, it’s second nature. This unhappy tendency often exasperates and discourages those that are trying to help her and give up on her. If she is aware that she does this she doesn’t understand their self-destructive tendency and tends to feel guilty after they succeeded in getting their way by means of suffering and to relieve her guilt finds ways to get rid of this undeserved happiness before it’s brought to her attention or the clock strikes twelve.
Sufferers tend to be depressed because of her unrealistic expectations and her belief that life is unfair. She has done nothing to deserve this negativity but has it anyway. If counseled she feels her negativity is often a response to her vulnerability from being neglected by family members. Counselors identity their anger at themselves for allowing this neglect to happen, as if they had the power as a child to prevent it. They have to learn to replace self doubt with an independent identity with self respect; in turn they can respect their spouse and the role they play in their lives, realistically.
Does your friend catch herself comparing herself unfavorably to other women who seem luckier that she is? Does she realize that this attitude only brings on feelings of anger at the unfairness of life and her own inferiority and inadequacy? She needs to stop feeling resentful and perceive herself as a worthwhile human being in spite of her faults and imperfections. When she feels in control of her life, their depression and anxiety are replaced with feelings of security, confidence, competence, identity, responsibility, belonging, and self-respect, which is the prerequisite for a successful marriage.