Following after a break up can sometimes be the hardest thing to get over. Some people at once begin to over think and start to lose motivation in their daily routines. It doesn't have to be like that. Step back and think clearly. Learn and remember from the past.
- Think through everything clearly without overdoing it. You may think about the situation as many times as you want, but realize things ended for a reason. Stop and constructively consider why and what may have been the reasons for your break up. It might not be evident at first, but there certainly was a reason to the downfall, and possibly even more than one. Something to take in is that, although you might have enjoyed moments in your relationship with one another, but if the relationship was not what you or your significant other were looking for, it would have ended regardless. Seeing it from this perspective makes it clearer that it really does take two to start and make a relationship work, and just one discordant person is enough to bring it to an end. During this time of reflection, it also helps you to see and hopefully avoid the same mistakes in the future.
- Stick to your decision. If you were the one whom ended the relationship, know that thinking only of good times with your other my cause you to forget the reasons why you ended it in the first place. However, if you weren't the one to end things do not second guess yourself. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
- Keep your space. Don’t get me wrong, after all that time spent together and memories made, it’d be a shame to end it and become strangers again. However, after the break up it’s best to break away completely from one another. Try not to see each other, no calls, no texts, no Facebook, not even IMs. This isn’t for permanent measure but for the time being, or until you feel like the relationship can be on a complete platonic level. If you even think about getting back together, you might not be ready to see or converse with them. If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again.
- Don't begin to doubt or think low of yourself. After a break up, it’s natural to feel like it might have been your fault. Even if it may be, it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s something to look back on and learn from. Just know there are so many people out there, and if he/she was not the one, there is that someone somewhere out there for you. I really believe that each person has someone made for them; you just have to keep looking.
- No need for hate. This is where you just want to rage because it seems boundless. Personally, this is something that I struggle with. How much pain and anger built up depends on how bad the break up was, the situation, and how long it took before you actually broke up. You might even feel that dating your ex was a waste of your time, but don’t think like that. There was a reason for you wanting to be with him/her to begin with. At times the anger may be aimed at you, but learn to let go of that feeling fast. Feeling angry and pessimistic is really the biggest waste of time. It might feel better to change your feeling of love for your ex to hate, but realize things cannot be changed, and that is all wasted energy.
6. Remove memory reminders. There are many things around you that will make you think of your ex. Whether it is a place, a song, a smell, or even an object. If you find yourself having a hard time letting go, try to remove these triggers from your surroundings. These things could be pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a memento, such as a necklace or other pieces of jewelry from your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders away until you feel like you can wear them without having any feelings come back.
7. Look for happiness elsewhere. Being in a relationship was only part of your life. There are still other things in your life which you love to do and things that make you happy. Whether it be spending time with friends and family or enjoying an activity you like to do. Even when you were in a relationship, you still did things you liked. Remember the things you love doing and enjoy them now. Take advantage of the single life. You now have more time doing what you like.
8. Stay active. Exercising improves your mood and gets rid of depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go for a run, visit the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of alleviating the annoyance or grief with each step. Turn your negative energy into something useful and burn some calories while you’re at it.
9. Learn to let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special many ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Don't let anger get the best of you.
10. Things may seem bad, but it will get better. It may not seem like it now but it could be the making of you to build a better relationship. But don’t forget something that once made you happy. It would be a waste to become strangers after all those memories made. When the time is right, and you know you can act fully platonic, then you can move on to being great friends.