too young to die

Name : Anonymous

Age : 24

Why : Death by cancer, lord I'm too young to die

Most people call me Jonny even though they all know my real name. The guilty culprits are my parents and the other 2 strangers living with us. Some people will call them siblings. My life has been average and without any major incident apart from the time I walked into my parent's room without knocking. I saw a bit too much for a kid of 11 years. The problem was not seeing nakedness but seeing my mother with uncle Seinfeld. That is not his real name but he looks so much like the TV character. I never mentioned anything to my father or my siblings. From that day onward, there seemed to be a sort of special understanding between my mother and me. As I said, nothing major really happened when I was growing up until recently when I started to feel unwell. I went to the local medical center for a checkup. I was really nervous, not because of having to get all my clothes off. I wasn't even phased by the fact that the twenty-something female medical assistant was going to be present. The reason I was uncomfortable was related to death. Yes, the last time I accompanied someone to that medical center, the person never made it out alive. To cut a long story short, the doctor put his finger inside my butt and played around with my testicles. Later he looked at me with a worrying but reassuring smile and said John, and that felt strange. I have never heard someone call me John for a while. He continued, I will have to refer you to a specialist. I have discovered a lump. I am not saying it's cancer but I will need to get it analyzed.

The word cancer hit me like a brick wall. I just felt my head spinning, and I had a somewhat out of the body experience. I thought Lord not me. I am too young to die. For the first time, I felt I was losing control of my life and that I no longer belonged to the world of the living. I couldn't cry nor could I think, I just stared at the doctor.

Some weeks later after further test, it was confirmed that the lump was cancer and a malignant one at that. I asked the doctor what it all meant. He said the cancer had spread and there is little that can be done. He added, "I am sorry". I replied, "I am sorry too". I stood up and walked out and just kept walking. Nothing seemed to matter. The long walk back home felt like a breeze. I wasn't thinking, I just kept walking. I wanted to walk to eternity when all of a sudden reality hit. Then, I started sobbing and mumbling to myself. I kept on repeating the same words, I am too young to die. When the initial shock waned, I realize death was at the door, I could hear it knocking but I pretended nobody was home. I felt I was dying and knew I was going to die but when?

I am sorry I actually didn't do much with my life. I felt angry at the world, at the lord and at myself. By the time this actually gets published, I might have returned to dust.