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Divorce Without Warning

By Edited Dec 13, 2013 2 2
There is no preparaton for a divorce without warning.(55073)

Can anyone really claim they were asked for a divorce without any warning? To honestly answer this question, I must start by explaining what I mean by "without warning". First, we all know marriage is work and no marriage is perfect all the time. Disagreements, arguments, and disputes of all kinds are a part of marriage. I am not talking about obvious indiscretions like an affair that would trigger a divorce; I am talking about things like leaving the toilet seat up, snoring excessively, weight gain, financial or family discrepancies, drinking, drug use,and other human habits or behaviors that lead to fights. When you got married, you got the whole person - the good and the bad habits. Only if the habit is extreme and your spouse was not aware of the habit until after the marriage vows, do you have anything to be surprised about if asked for a divorce because of your habit that they have not discuss with you to try to reach a resolution.

Divorce without warning is about those of us that wake up one morning to our normal routine, including the good-bye kiss and a quick "I love you". Later that same day, they receive a notice from the courts that your spouse has filed for a divorce. What?!? confusion and disbelief are two of the first emotions that the receiver feels. As the reality of the situation sets in, anger and the desire to know what is going on with the spouse take over. "Why?" becomes an overwhelming question in their mind. At this point, there are no answers and they start to think about any or all the reasons to blame themselves. The reality is that it is not their fault if their soon to be ex did not bother to talk to them about what was wrong. This is extremely important to remember as time goes on and the divorce becomes a reality. They must not beat themselves up over what someone they trusted to share their life with decides to do.

Under this type of situation, yes you can claim you were asked for a divorce without warning. I call this being suddenly single. This kind of divorce is an instantaneous death of a relationship; it would have been easier to have handled the situation of suddenly being single if their spouse had dropped dead of a heart attack. The two situations actually have a lot of emotions in common; both require time for healing, a conscious effort to forgive themself for having not seen the sudden end of their relationship in time to have changed the outcome, and they will go through the same type of grieving process because life as they knew it has died. The biggest differences are how the outside world will react to how they are handling the situation and they will probably still have to learn how to deal with their ex-spouse after the divorce on a completely different level, especially if there are children of any age involved. In both cases, the relationship is over and you have to start living again as a suddenly single individual after a divorce with warning.



Jul 25, 2011 5:22pm
I had a friend who was terrified of her husband ... with good cause. She moved out one day while he was at work, and never saw him again. She went through the entire divorce without seeing him. That was over 8 years ago. Still, today, she has remarried but only uses a PO Box. I thought she was very brave to get out if her situation that way. Usually, there's a good reason why someone is suddenly single!
Jul 25, 2011 9:38pm
Good for your friend to take the steps to get away from such a terrible situation - I have worked with groups that help women in that kind of situation. Not only was she brave, she is the kind of inspiration many need! Divorce is often a good thing because it breaks bad bonds and allows us to actually live life, not just suffer through it. Thanks for the input.
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