It's not an easy job raising kids these days. We spend our time making sure they are safe and secure. We provide all they need and worry about their well being. When a family is split in two, the task can become nearly an impossible task in dealing with divorce and children.
Once a family is split, it may become like a free for all for children. It is so easy for them to play the parents against each other and they will. Trick is to be aware of it when it happens and avoid the battle ground.
It's difficult enough for kid's young or older ones to witness the death of their family they once knew. You can call it retaliation or maybe its survival but kids will be kids. As adults it is our job to recognize our kid's patterns and correct them. Don't play the game.
When kids see parents at each others throats, they see it as a game they can play too. It's a game to get their way and mom and dad may give in easy to look good or better then the other parent. This is one of problems associated with divorce and children.
Parents can be just as childish as the children. In the case of divorce it is pettiness against the ex-partner. Coinciding with the children to get back at their other parent will only make things worse. It will be a bad example to the children and will in the end be used against you as well.
Compromising on values may be needed between the two households. As long as the values are not harmful to the children and agreed upon by both parents. In a way, it is worth compromising because the children will have the values and views of both parents.
The result of doing nothing and allowing the kids to manipulate both of their parents is total chaos. There will be times that you may make mistakes in the process but working towards raising a healthy happy family despite divorce is well worth it. It can be done, realizing though, that it is very hard work.
The art of raising kids in two different households is to be on the same page with your ex spouse. This may not work to a perfect extent, but even if your ex-partner does not cooperate, it's ok. It is better to have one parent who will set a good example then none. Your kids will recognize your self control and appreciate it eventually. Try to set the rules down early if you are able to communicate to your spouse for the good of the children. Seeing parents that work out their differences despite the divorce, makes life so much easier for the children.