Forgot your password?

Don't Quit your day Job: Celebrity Novels

By Edited Jun 27, 2015 1 6

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Celebrities have legions of fans and followers, they are also offered lots opportunities, like book deals just because they are famous. Fame and fortune however, does not guarantee talent in all domains. Let's take a tour of some celebrity books, that will probably never win the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Star:A Novel, by Pamela Anderson (2005)

Pamela Anderson(121420)

This novel, written by Pamela Anderson and "ghostwriter" Eric Shaw Quinn, seems to be based on an exaggerated version of Ms Anderson's life and rise to fame. The plot centers around main character Star Leigh, who becomes the "tool girl" on "Hammer Time" and her engagement in various sexploits. For those who enjoy tales of fame, fortune and of course sex, this is the book for you.

The self deprecatory humor however, is one of the novels strengths, showing that the authors can at least have a laugh at themselves. Not many brain cells are needed though for this read, but what the heck, sometimes you just need to lie on the beach and escape with a trash-tastic read. OK!

Confessions of an Heiress by Paris Hilton (2004)

Paris Hilton

Co-written by Paris Hilton and Merle Ginsberg, Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose, is almost a narcissistic photo album, rather than a book.  Featuring lots of silliness and exploring important world issues like makeup and fashion, this book could have been written by my cat.

If you like the pink cover and are a fan of the vapid blonde, then perhaps theses are good enough reasons to buy this offering. Others however, may buy the book for the comedy value, or because they have a spare hour to kill. Some have asked why? Surely Ms Hilton did not need the $100,000 advanced payment she received for this book?

Excerpt from 'Confessions of an Heiress

 Modelland, by Tyra Banks (2011)


I was sent an email which cryptically said "read this", with a link to excerpts from Tyra Bank's dystopian novel Modelland. After perusing selected excerpts, stunned and speechless would best describe my response to this interesting read, which features lots of stereotypes, cliché's and literary tropes, which are long past their use by date. And yet Ms Banks, manages to create something never before encountered on the written page. With characters sporting names like Tookie De La Creme, the reader is left pondering if this book is comedy, or satire perhaps? And yet surely such a creation is not serious? This book is awful yet amazing, that's right it's amazingly awful!

Excerpt From Tyra Banks’s New Book Modelland


A Shore Thing by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (2011)

Written by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Valerie Frankel, this novel is described as the search for love on the boardwalk.

Nicole Elizabeth "Snooki" Polizzi


The book revolves around the experiences of Gia Spumanti and Bella Rizzoli, who take off to Jersey Shore in order to party and find some guido love interests. Basically this book is not straight out awful, more intensely shallow and pointless; do we really care enough about these character's forays into tequila drinking, dancing,  partying and man hunting? In summary, basically, a ridiculous piece of chick-lit.




A Mother's Gift, Britney Spears and  Lynne Spears (2001)

A Mother's Gift

Young teeny boppers will probably love this saccharine rags to riches story, of a young girl with a dream to sing (yawn). If you ignore the predictable plot, sugar-coating and heroine who is just so simplistic and lacking any complexity whatsoever, then the book is probably OK (give me a lobotomy first). The moral of this treacly tale is also faintly disturbing, as it sends the message that anyone can become a star, which is simply not true, unless you subscribe to Andy Warhol's world view that,  "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." This of course hasn't panned out. However if you can stomach an unrealistic plot and don't mind a goody-goody one dimensional protagonist, then go for it.

Angel,  Katie Price and Ghost Writer (2006)

Katie Price

So essentially Katie Price, otherwise known as glamour model (!) Jordan, has a reputation in the book industry, her name is emblazoned on various books and yet these books are actually written by a ghost writer called Rebecca Farnworth (go figure!). Ms Price has admitted, that she wouldn't actually have time to write any books and she doesn't actually read.

When Ms Price released her second novel "Crystal", the book quickly sold more copies than the combined sales of the whole Booker shortlist, which is quite depressing really. When you consider the publishing phenomena, "50 Shades of Gray"; you have to wonder what aliens watching, would be thinking about us?

As can be imagined this book is shallow as hell. The important issues revolve around things like, whether the hero wears Hugo Boss or Calvin Klein underwear (meanwhile in the real world, a giant tsunami kills millions due to global warming). I might just add, at the risk of inducing the gagging reflex, that Angel's dream is "a total fairy-tale wedding, in a castle, and I'm going to arrive in a carriage pulled by six white horses'. Need I say more?




Dec 15, 2012 7:28am
This is HILARIOUS!! I always enjoy the presumption of these people that ANYTHING they do is touched by greatness, including their forays into areas outside their normal line of work (well, Paris has no specific talent -- unless mattress test pilot counts -- so I guess she could also do paint-by-numbers and call it her "art"). This drivel reminds me of back in the 1970s when almost EVERY TV actor/actress made at least one record (Telly Savalas' -- "Kojak" -- is hilarious!)

I'm guessing Pam Anderson's book (which we both know she did not write) has a scene in it where Star Leigh's rock-drummer husband probably uses his largish shlong as a ships' mast when their yacht runs out of fuel??

Anyway, great read, and had I seen "Tookie De La Creme" in print in a "serious" novel, I would have had an aneurysm right then and there from laughing myself into a stroke!

Also, the "writers" you noted are perhaps the ones LEAST able to work in the medium -- I didn't even know that "Snooki" was considered a celeb (I thought she was just some reality TV hose beast)

Brilliant topic, well done, and extremely funny (in a pathetic way -- not you, THEM!) A big thumb';s up, +1 and a tweet, too ( just to rub it in on these pinheads!)
Dec 15, 2012 8:13pm
Thank you very much, you made my day!
Dec 15, 2012 8:24pm
Actually, no, you made MY day! I'm STILL crckin' up over Tookie De La Creme!
Dec 15, 2012 8:24pm
This comment has been deleted.
Dec 15, 2012 8:32pm
It is this kind of ridiculous stuff that provides the best source of humour and laughs.
Dec 28, 2012 4:39pm
Nicely done.

Very fun article.

I don't know which one to read first!
Dec 28, 2012 11:44pm
Well I would recommend 'Modelland', by Tyra banks. You won't quite believe what you are reading. Thank-you for your comment.
Add a new comment - No HTML
You must be logged in and verified to post a comment. Please log in or sign up to comment.

Explore InfoBarrel

Auto Business & Money Entertainment Environment Health History Home & Garden InfoBarrel University Lifestyle Sports Technology Travel & Places
© Copyright 2008 - 2016 by Hinzie Media Inc. Terms of Service Privacy Policy XML Sitemap

Follow IB Entertainment