Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lac-bac/4679197416/

      Interested in dating a transgender woman but you're not sure what to say or how to act. Your attracted to her and don’t know how to express it? Well its quite simple, in a nutshell, treat her like a human being. However there are some specific things that you would benefit from knowing. A little bit of the inside track, if you will. Read on for some suggestions about what to do and not to do when you're dating transgender women.

      Do treat her totally like a women. Open the car/restaurant door for her, take her coat and let her order first when out on a date. Carry her bags and fix things around her home. Let her cook for you. Offer to drive her around and make sure she is safe. All the things that make her feel feminine, comfortable and protected. Simple stuff right, so why does every guy miss this?

      Do show her how much you appreciate her beauty and femininity. Let her know that you care. So tell her how beautiful she is and bring her things that show your appreciation, like flowers and gifts. She is going to have some insecurity about her femininity and these simple things can go a long way to alleviate that. The more feminine you make her feel the more she will appreciate your company.

      Do hold her hand when you walk down the street with her. This usually takes incredible courage for a man to do this even with a cisgender women, let alone a transgender woman. A cisgender woman being one that is comfortable with her birth sex; that of a woman's. Similarly a cisgender man is a man who is also comfortable with his birth sex; that of a mans. So if you have the courage to hold your head high and hold her hand while you both walk down the street, then you are speaking volumes to her. You are telling her that you are proud of her and you don’t mind being seen with her. Personally I think this is a huge step and a good one at that.

      Do treat her like a normal person. You should treat her with the same respect and interest that you would give to anyone. She deserves it. Talk to her like a human being about regular things like the news or the weather; a musician perhaps. Interact with her this way and you will soon realize that she is much more than just a transgender woman. She is a human being with hopes, dreams, thoughts and emotions. She has worked really hard to get where she is and deserves your respect.

      Don't talk about her being transgender unless she brings up the subject. She will bring up the subject when she feels comfortable enough to do so, if ever. She will also be expecting you to bring it up, everyone does. Be the one who doesn’t. If and when the time is right she will explain to you her transition and what her plans are for the future regarding her gender identity. But you have to wait until she trusts you enough to talk to you about such a personal thing. Be patient.

      Don't ask her why she became, or how long she has been, a woman. This will betray your clear lack of understanding as to what a transgender woman is; a woman! She has always been a woman, even when she was forced to walk, talk and act like a man! Transition is a process to make her body match what has always been inside her, not the other way around. I refer to when I was trapped inside a mans body as “the before time” as if it were a dream to me now. For the most part, it is.

      Don’t introduce her to your friends and family as transgender. Seriously, why would someone do that, it would be like saying “Here is my Asian girlfriend” if your girlfriend happens to be Asian. Its something you just don’t say. Introduce her as your girlfriend and say her name. Very simple. It's not really anyone’s business if she is transgender or not. Trust me she is already anxious enough about meeting significant people in your life she does not need her most personal issues being laid out on the table before complete strangers.

      Don’t call her a tranny or a she-male!! That tells her that you do not see her as a woman at all and that you don’t hold her in very high esteem. These words are derived from the porn industry. An industry that not only portrays women as nothing but sex objects, but also relegates transgender women to be nothing more than a fetish. As if they are so many pairs of leather boots lined up and ready to be worshiped. It's nasty so just don’t do it. You can worship her, just not as an object.

      Don’t treat her like a sexual fetish. Transgender women are always getting asked for sex almost right after they meet someone. Would you walk right up to a cisgender woman and ask her for sex, no.. So why do it with us? Approach and talk to her as if she were a cisgender women. Men seem to assume that because we are transgender we are also easy. This is not the case.

      Don’t ask her to use her penis(if she has one) in any sexual way whatsoever. Despite the persistent fantasy men seem to have over transgender women, a very large portion of them are not happy with their genitalia, don’t want to use it and may even cover it up in the shower so they wont have to look at it. She would much rather have a vagina and cant wait to get the surgery necessary to get one. It's important to mention that not all trans-women are like this, some do like to use the equipment they have. Just leave it up to her to decide what hands go where. However it has been my experience that most trans-woman are the former rather than the latter of the two. While we are on the subject, in case you didn’t get the hint, don’t ask her to top you. Seriously, unless your paying for your date, you will probably put her off completely. She wants to be appreciated for her feminine qualities and not any leftovers from previous lodgings. If you ask you will probably hear something like “Is that all you want from me?”.Now your back to her being a fetish, not good. Oh and for your information, drunkenly slurring “but its my fantasy” will not work either.

      So you can see some of the things you should do seem pretty obvious but so often get overlooked. Some of the things however, are not quite so clear cut. So I hope this article helped clear some of those things up for you and will help you when your out on a date with a transgender woman. These ideas may make her feel more comfortable with you and if your lucky, it will develop into a long rich and rewarding relationship. Best of luck!


The Transgender Handbook
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