Effects of Divorce On Person Moving Out
When any stage of life ends there is always reminiscence and sadness about what might have been but wasn't. The thing to remember is that there was no love in the marriage any more, that any happiness ended a long time ago.
The unhappiness at leaving your children is heart breaking, and this will stay with you for a long time. You are not just leaving your ex-partner, who you do not love any more, but your children, who you do love.
This can be a happy time, once you are over the sadness stage of your separation or divorce. Make a conscious effort to do all those things that you could not do before your divorce, go dancing or to a martial arts class, take up painting or singing lessons. You do not need to compromise any more. Your life is your own, do with it what you will.
If, as a couple you were not rich, then as two people living apart, you are going to be poor. One wage cannot pay two mortgages or two rents, as well as two electricity bills and all the other expenses of running two homes.
The courts realize this and there are guidelines in place on how much maintenance you will have to pay. You are morally and legally obliged to pay maintenance for your children, not usually for your ex-partner. He or she will have to find a better paying job, or to move into a smaller house.
You have your own life to start over again and you need a fair proportion of your income to do it.
Setting up home again on your own is very expensive, having to buy everything from wardrobes to suitcases, from a cooker to a microwave and from a bed to new cutlery.
Replacing everything you had in the marriage home will cost a great deal and is best done over a few years. If you find furnished rented accommodation this gives you a breathing space, where you only need to buy a few necessities immediately.
Your income will not stretch very easily to cover any maintenance that you are paying, as well as the costs of running a second home, but it will get better.
Your time will be your own, apart from seeing your children. You must take up new activities, to socialize and to meet people. Forget looking for a new partner for at least a year; get to know yourself again before you start trying to get to know someone else.
You may need to learn to cook, to change light bulbs and to clean the house. There are many roles that your partner did that you will need to learn to do now that you are living on your own.
Effects of Divorce On Person staying
You will feel sad that what you had together in your marriage has ended, but realistically, it ended a long time ago. It is time to start enjoying life again, either on your own, or with your children.
You will find it difficult to find time to deal with your own emotions if you have children, because you will be dealing with the emotional upheaval they are going through.
Try to organize some time to yourself by using parents or friends to mind the children, as necessary. It is important for your own mental health and to your children that you do deal with your own emotional trauma.
Life is going to be difficult. There will be less money coming from your ex-partner than there was before the divorce. You still have the same bills coming in, so you have two options, cut the bills or find extra income.
Going on as you were is not a long-term option. Cutting the bills may mean moving to a cheaper area or selling your car. If you have not had a job for a few years you will need to find one to boost your total income to what it was before the divorce.
If you had no job and were relying on your partner's pension for your retirement this is something you will need to provide for yourself now you are divorced. This will take a large slice of any extra income you earn.
You will need to learn to do all the things your partner used to do, from cutting the grass to cooking, from decorating to paying the bills, it is all your responsibility now.
Effects of Divorce On Children
It is important to remember that the children were affected by your deteriorating relationship before the divorce. They were not happy then, so their unhappiness now needs to be put into that context. They will need a long time to adjust to their other parent not living with them any more.
You need to encourage them to make the effort to visit their other parent on a regular and frequent basis. They will cope best if they see themselves as having two homes, one with each of you. This causes practical difficulties, but these can be overcome with a little organization.
Unless they have this dual-home life with both of their parents, their relationship with the absent parent will suffer. It will become too much effort to go and see that parent and they will make the effort less often. Eventually they are quite likely to lose all emotional contact.
Your children will be worse off financially, too. You will need to explain the financial situation to them if they are old enough to understand it, to explain why you cannot buy them those new phones and why you will not all be going away on vacation this year.
Your children will need organizing if they are to be living in two places. They will need clothes at both houses and you will need to share the ferrying about they need between both parents.