Many single women focus their attention on finding their definition of "Mr. Right." Their concept of the perfect mate, however, is often flawed. The majority of young (18-30) singles ready-to-mingle almost always set their point of convergence on one thing, appearance. When you ask a young person what qualities they look for in a mate they say things like, "tall, good looking, fit . . ." (I've yet to encounter anyone who answers that question with fat and ugly.) Women will readily give you examples of what they're searching for: "I want someone who looks like Zac Efron, Chris Hemsworth, Adam Levine, Henry Cavill, Alejandro Sanz, Kid Rock," et al.
What the majority of single folks fail to see in their 20s and early 30s is that while looks may be an important factor, it should not be the number one factor. Young people ignore quality and in exchange embrace vanity. If you're in search of Mr. Right, you're probably doing something wrong. Here's a bit of advice: concentrate instead on finding Mr. Right-Minded.
Mr. Right Official Trailer
The Long and Winding Road of Relationships
Several bad breakups during her younger years left Jasmine feeling hurt and angry. The short-term residuals of pessimism and mistrust required a considerable amount of time to heal. "Jassi," as her friends and former flames called her, had to come to an understanding that not all men were misogynist pigs. It took some self-reflection and lots of late-night conversations with her closest allies for Jassi to realize that the real issue was not the men but the men she was choosing ("bad boys, bad boys; whatcha gonna do when they come for you . . ."). In her youthful naiveté, Jassi considered good looks and machismo the prime ingredients for a mate.
When it comes to relationships, some women will go through life making the same mistakes, over and over. It's akin to driving down a long and winding road, stopping at the same fast-food joint and eating the same meal every few hours. But instead of feeling satisfied, the driver becomes sick each time; partly because of the food and partly because of the winding road. So, here’s the solution: get off that road and find a better place to eat!
The good news is that for most women, experience and time will eventually breed wisdom. The women will get off the winding road of bad relationships and find a better place for nourishment in a loving and caring mate. And, here's more good news: most good guys are also good looking.
A Game for Bantering Couples
Folks put on masks (for lack of a better term) when they meet someone. Additionally, people put their best foot forward by putting on an act to make others like them. Some individuals are so good at acting that they should receive an Academy Award. But folks can't act forever; eventually their real personality rears its head.
A woman often gets swooped up in the façade and believes the lie. She enters into a relationship with a preconceived idea of her perfect mate, and erroneously believes the man she is dating (who is acting) is the one.
Women must stop fantasizing and live in reality. The first step in finding a mate is to see a man as he is, not as you want him to be. Men will eventually tell you exactly who they are, but you must be open to hearing the truth or you will miss it. One example is when a woman finds out the man she’s been dating for an extended period of time is married. When you begin to question the woman about the relationship you can clearly see the signs she missed. Signs such as they could only meet on particular nights, she never went to his home, they rarely went out and were always at her place, they never spent holidays together, etc.
What are the most important qualities in a mate? Make a list of your top three, and although "sense of humor" is a good quality I hope it’s not at the top. Here’s an example of what someone who is searching for Mr. Right-Minded would look for:
- Faith: A person whose faith is important to them will want to seek out those who also possess a strong faith. Likewise, many folks find that marrying someone of the same faith gives them a firm foundation in which to build a relationship and raise a family.
- Trust: An essential key to a healthy relationship is trust. If you don’t trust your mate while you are dating, getting married will not change anything. The way to establish trust is to be honest and true to your word. If you’ve caught your partner lying, chances are you’ll have a difficult time trusting each other, and that makes for a very unhealthy relationship.
- Respect: This goes along with trust, and they are two key features of a healthy relationship. Before entering into a relationship, respect should be established. If someone doesn’t respect you as a friend, they will not respect you as a partner or in marriage. Don’t let anyone disrespect you either in words or actions. Women put up with a lot of disrespect in relationships just because they mistakenly believe they are not worthy of someone better. If this is you, seek professional help to get to and deal with the root of your issues.
After the essential qualities, others such as a sense of humor, appearance, intelligence, career, etc. can be listed.
Mr. Right-Minded Not Mr. Perfect
The preceding list of qualities is a guide, but remember no one is perfect. You must decide what is uncompromisable and what you are willing to accept in a relationship. For example, the top three qualities in your list may be uncompromisable but the rest you might be willing to compromise.
Remember Jassi? After getting over her breakup, she decided to make a list of the qualities she would and would not accept in her next mate. She decided which qualities she would and would not compromise on, and she was determined not to break away from her list. She also enlisted her closest friends to help with feedback on men. Jassi opened herself to dating men she usually would’ve shunned in the past. She dated (not slept) with a variety of men, asked probing questions, listened to what they had to say, and paid attention to their actions. She was faithful to her list and weeded out those men who did not fit into what she was looking for in a mate. Jassi eventually met and married Mr. Right-Minded, who turned out to be the man of her dreams.
Marty on DVD
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Later, an interesting turn of events places Marty in the right place at the right time, and Marty meets Clara, a 29-year-old spinster who was just ditched by her blind date. While slow dancing, Marty delivers a line that has to be at the top of the list of what not to say. He says to Clara, "See, dogs like us, we ain't such dogs as we think we are."
This movie is not a Hollywood love story, but a real life story of finding love against all odds. It's a story that you can fall in love with every time you watch it. Marty, the movie for anyone who's ever been rejected, searched for love, and found love.
Open Your Romantic Eyes
Jassi’s story is not unique, it happens all the time. There are quality folks out there, but sometimes you have to sift through the inferiority of society to find them. Don't close your eyes to bad characteristics in a person simply because they are good looking or you are lonely.
To see a man as he is, you must get to know him. The first time you meet a man he will be wearing his “mask.” Carefully listen to what a man tells you. If a man says he doesn’t want to get married, and you are ready to purchase a wedding gown, he’s not the man for you.
Also, pay attention to how a man acts around his friends and family. How does he treat his parents, siblings, and friends? The chances are that’s how he will treat you.
Although no one can promise you “happily ever after” (every relationship has bumps), you can be happy. You can be happy in finding someone who is compatible and with whom you can build a life. You can be happy with someone you can trust and who respects you, and you can be happy knowing you did not compromise your principles for a man or a relationship.
So, stop looking for Mr. Right and find Mr. Right-Minded!
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Love Is . . .
The following perfectly describes love; do you find it in your current relationship?
Love is Patient; Love is Kind
It Does Not Envy; It Does Not Boast
It is Not Proud; It Does Not Dishonor Others
It is Not Self-Seeking, It is Not Easily Angered
It Keeps No Record of Wrongs
Love Does Not Delight in Evil
But Rejoices with the Truth
It Always Protects, Always Trusts
Always Hopes, Always Perseveres
Love Never Fails . . . 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
The "Perfect Two"
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