Just like anything in life, relationships sometimes go through tough times and require wisdom and commitment to fix. This article is about all the things you can do to repair a troubled relationship and put it back on a sound footing.
When shoes break down, we take them to a tanner to mend; when clothes need mending, we take them to a seamstress; when relationships get troubled, who do we take them to? The creator of relationships; I believe involving God in the relationship-fixing process would go a long way to make a success of it.
Having said that let me quickly say by relationships, I mean man to woman relationships, whether married or about to marry. So, if you find yourself drifting from your spouse, what can you do to salvage the relationship?
While the tips below can be used to rebuild a broken relationship, I want to say troubled relationships do not have a one-size-fits-all solution. In essence, what works for one couple, may not work for another, so, your job, as a partner who wants to right a wrong relationship is to find what works for you and keep doing it till you begin to see results.
Steps to Mending a Broken Relationship
- Is the Relationship Worth It?
Ask yourself; is the relationship worth fighting over? The truth is some relationships may not be workable because of their abusive nature. If you find you’re in an abusive relationship (not marriage), I think you should give it a deep and critical thought before deciding to mend such a relationship. Look at all the angles and get the conviction that the relationship can be mended before proceeding.
- What Went Wrong?
So, what exactly went wrong? What caused the breach of trust? What caused the insults? You must be able to figure out the course of the problem even though it may not be obvious. Figuring the cause out will help you proffer the right solution but if the cause is not identified, you’d be beating about the bush, in the name of finding a solution. Identifying the problem has to be done by both of you. You can just sit together and get pieces of paper on which you’ll draw three columns: on one column, write the things you like about your relationship; on the second column, write the things you hate, and on the third, write the things you both need to change in order to enjoy your relationship. Check each other’s list and commit to carrying out the necessary changes.
- Talk It Over
Once the cause of the shaky relationship has been identified, talk it over with your partner. Convince him (or her) that you can give the relationship another chance. Remind him (or her) of the wonderful times you’ve had in the past and promise that you can still have those times if you decide to work at it. While talking, please remember to talk less and listen more. Let your spouse tell you some of the things bothering him (or her); let him (or her) pour his heart out. If you succeed in doing this, you’d realize that some of the problems disturbing your relationship would surface during this period and you can proceed with fixing them. Be a good listener; silence is sometimes, golden.
- Are You Both Committed to Working Out a Solution?
Even if you go for counseling, your counselor can only advise, it’s up to you to sort your relationship out. And if your partner is not committed to working out a solution, I’m afraid you may be up against another wall. So, you must find out if your partner is committed to working it out. If he (or she) is not, there is no point crying over spilt milk. But, if you find your partner is uncooperative, don’t rush into ending the relationship. Give the relationship another chance by distancing yourself from one another. The distance can give your troubled relationship another head start. Take some time off and spend it alone, doing the things you love and care about, as well as clearing your head to determine if you still want to be in the relationship. Doing this would give you fresh and amazing insights and perspectives to the relationship; it would also help you see things in a better and brighter light. You would then be able to make a sound decision as to proceed with the relationship or not, but most times after going through this time alone, you discover you’re more energized to commit to working out the relationship. Try it out today, it sure works wonders.
- Spend More Time Together, Charm your partner
We all live busy lives and this can affect a relationship negatively. If you discover your not spending time together is one of the causes of the relationship break-down, please plan more outings together with your partner. It could be a night out alone, a romantic dinner, a movie get-away, or whatever you know your partner would appreciate. Just charm him (or her) as this can help bring the zing and zest back into your relationship.
- Throw the Past Away
Once you’ve decided to mend your relationship, there’s no point holding onto the past. Let go of the past; throw the past away (but still hold onto the lessons learned from the experience). We all know some of the causes of troubled relationships bring immense sadness, pain, anger , etc to both partners but in order to forge ahead, you must let go of the pains of the past. It’s not easy but I know it can be done, if you determine to.
- Get Intruders Out of the Way
Marriage or relationship intruders are always on the prowl, seeking whom to devour; don’t make your relationship a prey for them. Get intruders out of the way of your relationship. Stop allowing them to disturb the equilibrium between you and your partner. You deserve more than you’re getting; you deserve to be happy but intruders won’t let you be, so, you have to be on the offensive. Protect your territory and relationship from the influence of intruders.
Are You Trying to Fix a Troubled Relationship?
If you are reading this and your relationship is in a mess, stop and read this: you can have the joy and happiness you used to have; you can experience the good times once again; your relationship does not have to go down the hill but you have to pay the price to get your relationship back on track. And the price is: tolerance, forgiveness, understanding, hard work and above all, persistence.
If you commit to paying the price, I can assure you your relationship is going to be a heaven on earth once again. But the big question is: are you ready to pay the price? If you're ready to pay the price, huge rewards await you. One of them is what you have in the image below: