Flirting for the Transgender Woman

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     Are you a transgender woman who is just starting out in your transition and are interested in learning the skills and techniques used by women to attract men? Cisgender women get a lifetime to practice and hone their skills; however you have only been made aware of the courting skills of the wrong gender.  You don’t know how to hold your head or make your eyes smile or stand in the proper way to get attention. You don’t know how to use your body to attract someone’s eye and make them desire you. Remember flirting should be fun and you should not put a ton of emphasis on it as you just met this person and you don’t know where it’s going to go. Just because someone is flirting with you does not mean that a trip to Vegas for a wedding is in the works; flirting should be playful and fun. So here are some tips on how to flirt for the transgender woman.

  • Smile with your eyes:  Smiling with your eyes ads genuine emotion to your gaze; they should be lit up!
  • Use facial expressions: Using your facial expressions helps to get your message across very effectively, so make sure you are not dead faced. You want to appear alive and vibrant.
  • Use compliments: Use compliments and make sure that you give a reason; “You have beautiful eyes, they remind me of my mother’s”, gives a compliment and adds validity to it by giving the reason.
  • Playful teasing:  This will vary depending on the person you are interacting with. Some  people are very sensitive and don’t take well to being teased. Their security level is going to control how much teasing they can take so try to gauge that.
  • Playful touching:  This also depends on the person you are interacting with, they will indicate to you through body language if they are willing to be playfully touched or not.
  • Use pauses: Use pauses in the conversation to make them wait a bit for what you are going to say next, it’s captivating, playful and can be flirtatious if you use the right eye contact.
  • Be devious:  This can be sexy so use sarcasm or your sense of humor. If you get it right it can be highly effective.
  • Hold eye contact: Hold your eye contact and touch (if you’re shaking hands) just a bit longer than you normally should. It plants subconscious seeds of attraction in them.
  • Handle the awkward pause:  Learn how not to panic during the awkward pause in a conversation, instead you want to relax like you could do it all day, smile and say nothing. Let the other person say something at that time.
  • Make statements: Instead of saying “Are you a writer?” you say “You have writer written all over you.” It shows that you are taking interest in that person in a more commanding way.
  • Speak confidently and clearly: If you want to show a person how smart, clever or attractive you are, then don’t mumble. Relax and let your words out slowly, avoiding talking to fast or running over your own words.

     Your transition is going to be the most wonderful, exciting and mind expanding journey than you have ever been on. Learning how to interact with the opposite sex is just one of the many things you are going to have to learn about your new gender role.  Practice in front of a mirror and have fun with it. Relax into it; remember its only flirting and not the end of the world. So good luck and happy transition!

The Transgender Handbook
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(price as of Mar 30, 2014)