Going through a divorce is very painful and it will take you time to overcome the loss. I'll offer a few suggestions to get you started on your new life, your new journey.

Things You Will Need

You will need time, patience, and understanding.

Step 1

Once the divorce process has begun, you will feel a lot different things, including loss and sadness. You have lost the way of life as a couple. This is normal. Once you have given your love and devoted your life to someone, it is hard to get over the loss. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself a period of time to grieve.

Make sure to take the time that you need to get over the past and to move toward your new future.

You need to starting making new memories and creating a new life for yourself.

This can be relatively simple. I started with all new bedding for my room and new curtains. I wanted to make it feel like "my" room, not "our" room. Also, if you are staying the marital residence, you might want to try simple redecorating. The changes do not have to be drastic. Divorces can be costly not only emotially, but also financially. Adding flowers can brighten your mood. A new picture on the wall will change things up a bit. Look around and see what small changes you can make.

Exercise, such as walking, can help greatly. It will give you time to think and will also work out that negative energy that is built up inside.

Talking with friends or going to the movies (even alone) is a good way to start building a new life and taking your mind off of the stress and pain that you are going through. You may want to start taking some new classes. Maybe you always wanted to be a painter or dancer or a potter. Now is as good a time as any to explore who you really are and what you really want to do with your life.

Talk to your Pastor or a Health Professional if you need to. There are a great many people who need to talk through some of the isssues of the marriage and/or the divorce. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need to helping sorting things out and understanding what is going on.

It is sometimes helpful to write down your feelings on paper or write a letter to your spouse. Write down your every thought. Sit there until you have written down everything you feel, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Give yourself the time to remember all that you have bottled up inside over the years. Once you have finished writing, read what you have written. Now, it is time to tear it up into little tiny pieces and discard it. DO NOT send it to the other person. If you have a fireplace or a grill, burn it. Let out all of the pain that is poisoning you float away with the smoke.

You should not feel that you are alone or be ashamed because of your divorce. Unfortunately, it is a part of life for many of us.

If you allow yourself to go through the emtions and feelings, you will come out on the other side of divorce and you will be more likely to find peace and happiness once again. The emotions are a temporary state. Once you start moving forward with your life, things will become easier.

I definitely recommend that you DO NOT dive right into another relationship. You are in no shape emotionally or physically to be able to give yourself to another right now. There is plenty of time for that in the future. Take care of yourself first and once you have healed, then you will have more to offer another person.

Divorce is painful. It is very much like a death, as it is the death of a marriage. Many of us have no idea how painful it is until it happens to us. For me, I did not realize just how much anger I had pushed down. The thing about pushing it down is that it is still there, even years later. If you take the time to deal with ALL of the emotions that you are having, you will be prepared for a new life and may be even a new relationship down the road. Give yourself time. Enjoy the time you have alone. I did not realize that I liked being on my own until I was. Now, I love that I can sleep as late as I want or nap if I want. I can watch what I want on TV when I want to. I can go for a drive without having to ask permission or be asked when I will return. I can eat out or cook in, its up to me. I get to choose my own paint colors and furniture style. I can eat pizza in bed if I choose. I can spend the afternoon reading and letting the laundry wait if I want. The possibilities are endless. And, it has been a wonderful journey finding me.

Tips & Warnings