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Gideon's Comprehensive Zombie Survival Guide - Part 1

By Edited Nov 15, 2015 0 0

 

            We all know its coming! No longer is it a question of “if” but of “when”! And when it comes, will you be one of the survivors, prepped and ready for the inevitable or one of the victims, tragically turned into one of the living dead to wander the landscape for eternity with unseeing eyes, feasting on your relatives and friends (and dogs, cats and anything else that comes too close with a pulse!).

 

            For those of you who want to survive (and thus join me in what remains of civilisation), here is a comprehensive, (almost) idiot proof guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse!

 

Common myths dispelled.

 

What type of zombie will you be facing? Well, despite Hollywood’s love of “fast, smart” zombies, in truth the zombies that will bring down our society will be slow, dumb zombies. This means that simple measures will be the most effective against these relentless attackers. However, their lack of speed or intelligence will be no hindrance to this army of the undead and many a victim will be found wanting in the early days as they believe these monsters to be of no threat to civilisation.

 

There will be no cure! Unlike the films and books, there will be no secret lab to daringly raid and steal back a cure that will protect us from this curse. One bite will mean a slow, lingering death and subsequence reanimation into the foes ranks!

 

 

The Beginning of the End!

 

            How will it start? Ironically, this is the most important part of the entire survival plan. Proper preparation will prevent you being eaten at a later stage and thus knowing how the end will come is paramount to your survival.

            It is fair to say that the end will not come quickly – you will not suddenly wake one morning and find that the streets are overrun with zombies, governments have collapsed and all is eerily quiet apart from the occasional scream of soulless groan.

 

            Instead it is more likely to start with unexplained murders, deaths or sudden slaughter of pets or livestock. Even in a open media society like the west, it is unlikely that the newspapers will get all the information about these incidents and so you MUST be on the lookout for unexplained occurrence’s. If you are fortunate, this will be nothing more than some criminally minded youths sowing anarchy. If you are unfortunate, this will be the beginning of the end!

 

            If it is you must take action immediately – what type of action will depend on exactly where you live and this will be detailed later. But you must take necessary action now! Don’t waste time trying to round up distant friends or relatives; don’t hold out on the hope that the local police or armed forces will be able to contain the infection. Every scenario that has ever been run has showed that this is not the case.

 

            When the panic starts to hit the masses, you will be well informed and already ready to resist the storm!

 

Your most important weapons – you!

 

            Of all the things that are the most important when facing off against a zombie attack, it is you and you alone who will be ultimately responsible for your survival. Anything else such as weapons or defences are mere tools to be added to your arsenal. Despite the fact that the invasion could be years away, you should start making efforts now to improve this most vital or weapons.

 

            Health & Fitness: Survival of the strongest is a common enough theory and it is most apt in this circumstance. By this I do not mean pure physical strength, so don’t go out and start body building just yet. While this is important you will not be running rampant throughout the world or smashing down walls. Your most important strength will be your cardiovascular strength – your ability to run or walk long distances, carry heavy loads for long periods of time and ability to recover your strength quickly will determine those who survive or those who are dined upon.

 

            Mental strength: your ability to think on your feet and make good decisions will greatly increase your chances of survival. Concentrate on developing your logical skills. Also work on your ability to concentrate under pressure or noisy situations – needing peace and quiet to work something out is a luxury you cannot afford.

            In addition, you need to be able to work on a few hours sleep for long periods of time. Unfortunately there is no way to practice this to any effect (similar to being hungry or cold – it doesn’t actually teach you anything.) The best thing you can do is to get used to set sleeping hours, don’t get used to the luxury of laying in, get used to having a few hours nap and making it do. None of it is easy, all of it is necessary.

 

            Learning skills: Learn everything! Not to great detail – you don’t need to be able to build an engine from scratch or perform open heart surgery with household tools. Yet you do need to know a wide variety of skills for both short and long term survival If you pull your muscles, break a bone or get a stomach infection, you must be able to heal it quickly and efficiently (without aid or medicines). If you need to rebuild your barricade or fit some basic plumbing for fresh water, you need to be able to do this as well – there will be no plumbers available at the end of a phone line.

            Depending on your survival plan, you may also want to learn leadership skills. Holding a group of people together is not easy. Holding a group of terrified refugee’s together in the middle of an outbreak is next to impossible without the right skill set.

 

            Martial Arts: Many survival guides would have you believe that learning a martial art is a sure fire way to survive this type of disaster. Afterall, what harm could the undead do to you if you can just judo chop or karate kick all of them with ease? The truth is: a lot. One bite of these evil creatures WILL kill you so attempting to engage them in close quarter combat is just a slightly more energetic way of committing suicide. That said, the ability to slip out of grapples or holds, which is generally taught in self defence classes rather than martial arts, can be useful. Once a zombie has closed it’s arms around you, your chances of survival are tiny, anything that increases that can surely be useful. However, never rely upon this!

 

 

            End of Part 1

 

            Survival cannot be rushed and as such this will be a several piece series. This part has detailed what you can start doing now! The next part will highlight how to survive in the short term, including weapons and shelter. 

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