This is Season 2, Episode 15 of Glee.
In this episode, Holly Holiday returns to give everyone a lesson in sex education. Will becomes smitten with Holly, making Emma jealous in the process. Brittany and Santana explore their feelings for each other while Burt gives Kurt a father/son sex talk.
Holly Holiday returns
This Glee episode, Sexy, begins with Emma Pillsbury (Jayma Mays) calling the Celibacy Club meeting to order. She goes over the minutes from the minute which include an hour of Rachel (Lea Michele) asking questions about Finn (Cory Monteith) that Quinn (Dianna Agron) refuses to answer.
Quinn says that she is rejoining the celibacy club to focus on herself. Rachel agrees that Finn is kryptonite and wants to devote herself to songwriting. Emma is pleased that these teens see celibacy as a viable option.
Emma debuts the new chastity charms. You hand out the hearts but not the key. That way nobody can open the lock forever. Thats' what keeps us safe. Rachel has questions but Emma cuts her off. She doesn't want Rachel to be curious about sex. She proclaims, "celibacy. Dig it!"
Later in the faculty lounge, Emma tells Will (Matthew Morrison) that she's disappointed that the chastity charms didn't catch on. Will tells her to keep up the fight because teen pregnancy can turn a whole world upside down. He will do whatever it takes to help make celibacy an option at this school.
Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow) enters saying "I don't know, hotstuff!" She's back and subbing for the health teacher who had a mad case of herpes. Will eagerly hugs her and forgets Emma's name.
Emma asks Holly why she doesn't think celibacy is a valid choice for teenagers. Holly thinks it's a great option, just not realistic. It's like that vegetarianism is a great choice of lions. She read that 90 girls got pregnant in 3 months in Tennessee. Kids need to be informed, and according to Holly, Will's glee kids are the most clueless.
Back in health class, Holly teaches them to apply a condom on a cucumber. Finn wonders if cucumbers can give you AIDS. Mercedes is distraught because she just had them in her salad.
Emma doesn't want to bombard these kids with graphic information. She wants to keep them innocent. This is serious stuff, and it's not for kids or adults. Holly thinks Emma is being naive. Holly leaves to have crazy sex because she's crazy informed about it (she's kidding!)
Santana (Naya Rivera) approaches Brittany (Britt-Britt) (Heather Morris) at her locker and asks if she wants to pop in some Sweet Valley High and get their cuddle on. Brittany would love to but she hasn't been feeling sexy lately. She thinks she has a bun in the oven. She asks Santana not to tell anyone, especially Artie (Kevin McHale) that she might be pregnant.
Santana gives Brittany her word, but as soon as Brittany leaves, she tells everyone she can find. Lauren (Ashley Fink) congratulates Artie because his girlfriend's preggo.
Will enters the glee club room and a greets a distraught Artie. Artie doesn't know how he'll support a baby. He asks Brittany how she could not tell him about this. Brittany is apologetic. She thought she could keep the baby a secret until she dropped him off--she's pretty sure it's a boy.
Will asks Brittany if she'd been to a doctor. Brittany says that a stork had been planting its nest outside her window. She knew her baby was coming. That's when Will realized that Holly was right.
Will confides in Holly at her Jazzercise class. Holly advises him to find a way to sneak sex education in a less provocative way. Holly offers to cover the glee kids for one week. She'll sneak in a lesson about STDs.
And speaking of STDs, how is Will's dating life? He tells her that he's president of the celibacy club. She thinks it's a waste of fine "man butt."
In the glee club room, Will writes the word "Sexy." He tells them that he wants to educate ourselves about the intricacies about adult relationships. In the past, whenever they've had difficulties, it always helped to sing about it. He's invited a special guest. Everyone is excited to see Holly Holiday.
Holly says that sex is like hugging only wetter. She asks Finn if he thought he got his girlfriend pregnant in a hot tub. She asks Brittany if she thought the stork brought babies. Brittany gets her info from Woody Woodpecker cartoons.
Every intimate encounter in your life is going to start with a touch. This leads to the song Joan Jett's "Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)?" Everyone's getting into it, even celibate girls Rachel and Quinn.
Holly reminds them that everytime you have sex, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random.
Meanwhile at Dalton Academy
At the coffee shop, Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss) run into Sue (Jane Lynch). Other than wanting coffee for her enemas, she heard that this was a Dalton Academy hangout. She comes with top secret intel on New Directions, the competition. She hears that they are getting sexy.
The key to beating them at regionals is out-sexing them. Sue asks Kurt what he has for her. Kurt tells her that they are not in cohorts. Sue tells him that he just made a powerful enema.
Blaine takes the conversation as a sign that Dalton Academy needs to do something sexified too. He's calling an emergency meeting of the Warblers.
Back at McKinley, Emma is disappointed that Will let Holly come in and teach them about "stuff." Will tells her that he had no choice because the kids were unprepared. He offers to let Emma come in and perform a song about celibacy as a counterargument. Emma looks forward to the opportunity to nail Holly to the wall (she didn't mean it that way!)
Lauren approaches Puck (Mark Salling) at his locker. She wants to be famous. Doing that number for glee club was the first step towards being a star. She wants to be like a Kardashian--she wants a reality show and a fragrance with the slogan "you just got Ziced." She wants to make a sex tape.
At Dalton, Blaine welcomes the sister school, Crawford Country Day (a school full of girls in preppy uniforms and knee highs). He's going for something sexy for regionals and he needs their input.
This leads to Animal by Neon Trees. Blaine leads the Warblers while Kurt makes weird faces. The girls are excited, especially when the bubble machine produces foam. Two girls tell Blaine to call them. He's flattered, but tells them that he plays for the other team.
Blaine asks Kurt if he's okay. He kept making weird faces. Kurt thought he was making sexy faces, but Blaine thought it looked like he had gas pains. Kurt wonders how he can sell sexy when he has about as much knowledge and sex appeal as a baby penguin. Blaine says they'll figure something out.
Sacred, Sexy, Sharing Circle
At Santana's house, Brittany wants to talk to her about how they make out. Santana says it isn't cheating because the plumbing's different. Brittany wants to talk about feelings. It's better with feelings. Santana disagrees--she says it's better without feelings or eye contact. She doesn't want any labels, unless it's on something she shoplifts.
Brittany thinks they should talk to somebody. This relationship is confusing for her. Santana retorts that breakfast in confusing for Brittany.
At the library, Puck and Lauren are watching a Kardashian sex tape. Puck asks why they edit it with planes and stuff. Lauren says that it looks classy. Puck retorts that if he wants to see Kim Kardashian classy, he'll watch E!
Holly asks them what's going on. Puck tells her that they're making a sex tape. Holly's impressed at how comfortable they are with their bodies, but there's bad news. Because they're under 18, making a sex tape could get them arrested for child pornography. Holly tells them that her sex tape with JD Salinger was a disaster.
Santana and Brittany approach Holly. In a classroom, the three of them sit on the floor in Holly's sacred, sexy, sharing circle (as the camera circles around them). Holly asks if either of them could be a lesbian. Santana says that she's attracted to girls and guys. She even had a sex dream about a shrub that was in the shape of a person.
Holly went to an all-girls college. She's been there. She still feels a tingle when she hears Ani DiFranco. It's not about who you're attracted to, it's about who you fall in love with. Brittany doesn't know how she feels because Santana refuses to talk about it. Santana's not good with talk or feelings, but she's willing to sing about it. She has the perfect song, but needs Holly to help them.
At Dalton, Blaine asks Kurt to give him "sensual" and "sultry." Kurt attempts to make sexy faces, but they're all looking the same. Kurt is uncomfortable. He doesn't know the first thing about sex.
Blaine wants to have a conversation, but Kurt doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear graphic details. That's why he likes romance Broadway musicals--the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets. Kurt's had enough and asks Blaine to leave.
In the glee club room, Will wants to perform Prince's "Kiss" as a tango. He practices with Holly and the performance culminates in a kiss. Will is totally into Holly, but Holly backs away. She's damaged goods, which makes her good in bed but she breaks nice guys like Will into Wasa crackers. She says that he married his high school sweetheart and later dated a virgin.
At the garage, Blaine enters and asks Burt (Mike O'Malley) if he needs a hand. Burt asks him to hand him the carborator. Blaine tells him that he and his dad rebuilt a '59 Chevy. It was his dad's attempt at bonding.
Blaine wants to talk to Burt about Kurt. He tells Burt that Kurt will not talk about sex. He tells him that Dalton doesn't have sex education, and even if it did, sex ed doesn't talk about what sex is like for gay kids.He calls Kurt the most moral and compassionate person he knows. He's worried that Kurt might end up in a bad situation at some party because he's unprepared to deal with protection of STDs.
Blaine envies the relationship Burt has with Kurt and asks Burt to use that as an opportunity to talk to Kurt about sex. Blaine apologizes for overstepping his bounds. Burt agrees that he's overstepping.
In the glee club room, Santana, Brittany, and Holly sing Stevie Nicks' "Landslide." Santana and Brittany look at each other longingly. This song reflects how Santana feels about Brittany. They share a hug.
Sam (Chord Overstreet) tells Artie that it's cool that their girlfriends are so close. He wishes he and Artie were that close.
Rachel applauds them for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm. Santana angrily tells her that just because they sang a song together doesn't give Rachel the right to put a label on her.
At the celibacy club meeting, Emma congratulates them for not having an unwanted pregnancy in over a year. You get tenses for menses. She also wants to welcome the newest member, Noah Puckerman. The girls are surprised to see him. He tells them that he and Zizes were going to make a sex tape, and that he hit rock bottom. He wants to start taking responsibility.
Emma wants them to perform a number for glee club extolling the virtues of celibacy. Puck tells them that they need another dude. Emma has that covered.
Carl (John Stamos) joins them women and Puck in a performance of Starland Vocal Band's "Afternon Delight." Complete with images of pie and wholesome desserts, the performers are wearing modest old-school pastel costumes.
Holly is confused. Isn't it a strange song for the celibacy club to sing? It's about sneaking out for a nooner. Emma thinks a nooner is when you sneak out for dessert in the middle of the day. Carl asks Emma if she's the acting sex ed teacher. He wants to see her for office hours. He and Emma need an appointment.
Let's Talk About Sex
At the Hummel/Hudson house, Burt presents Kurt with a stack of pamphlets. He picked them up at the free clinic. Kurt blocks his fingers through his ears and sings but Burt is persistent. Burt doesn't want to do this either, but they'll get through this together and be better men because of it.
Burt tells Kurt that the pamplets discuss the mechanics of what he'll be doing. He wants Kurt to read them and come talk to him about it. Kurt thinks they're done, but Burt's just getting started. For most guys, sex is just something they want to do. They don't think about how they and the other person feels.
Women understand that sex if more than just physical. When you're intimate, you're exposing yourself. Buddies have gotten in deep with women who thought they were cool with just hooking up. It's worse with two guys because you have two people who think that sex is nothing. He needs to think about what sex does to a person's heart and to the self-esteem.
Kurt thinks Burt is telling him not to have sex. Burt jokes that it would be a great gift for Kurt to give himself on his 30th birthday. Seriously, he wants Kurt to wait until he's ready and to not throw himself around. He wants Kurt to use sex as a way to connect with someone. He needs to know that he matters. Burt offers him some toast. Kurt wants to take it to his room while he looks over his new pamphlets. Kurt thanks his father.
In the classroom, Holly asks Carl and Emma how long it has been. Carl tells her that it's been four months and they still haven't done it. Emma says that they cuddle. Carl says they're cuddle monsters. Everytime he tries to be intimate or touch her she starts giggling in panic.
Holly asks Emma a serious question: is she still in love with Will Schuester. Emma doesn't know. She's confused about her feelings. Carl tells her to say at the condo. He'll be at the Radisson. She tells Holly not to tell Will about this. Holly's lips are sealed--just like Emma's legs.
Santana approaches Brittany at her locker. The song got her thinking. The reason she's always so angry is that she has all these feelings for Brittany but is afraid of the consequences. She wants to be with Brittany but is afraid of all the talks and the stares. She saw what happened to Kurt and she's afraid of what people will say behind her back.
Santana has to accept the fact that she loves Brittany. She doesn't Brittany with any of the guys. She wants Brittany to say she loves her back. Brittany loves her too and would be with her if not for Artie. Santana says he's just a stupid boy.
Brittany says she loves him too and it wouldn't be fair to him. If she and Artie were to break up, and she's lucky enough that Santana's still single, "I'm so yours, proudly so." Santana remarks that "whoever thought being fluid meant you could be so stuck?" Brittany tries to embrace her but Santan pushes her away and walks away.
In the hall, Lauren calls Puck a nerd. She's outraged that he joined the celibacy club. He explains that he does a lot of stupid things. Once on a dare, he swallowed a thumbtack. He used to never think about consequences. He used to think it was cool, but now he thinks it's just stupid. He doesn't care if this makes him a nerd. Lauren has the urge to punch him, but kisses him instead. As long as they can play footsies in celibacy club, she's in.
Rachel calls the meeting to order. Miss Pillsbury decided to take the hour to fix her sham of a marriage, so Rachel's taking over like she always does. Rachel realizes that while celibacy is great, one day they'll all fall in love and want to be intimate with that person. Puck asks Quinn about the hickey. She says she burned herself with a curling iron.
We hear a voiceover and flashback of what really happened. Finn was in Quinn's room hooking up with her. She wants them to start campaigning for Prom King and Queen. He wants to make sure their relationship is based on more than just that. Quinn says that Puck was a mistake and that Finn should have been her first. She belongs with Finn.
In the auditorium, Holly walks into him practicing choreography. She tells him that she's going to Shawnee Township to teach algebra. Parents complained about her cucumber demonstration and got her fired. He doesn't want to say goodbye.
Holly says that singing with Santana and Brittany made her think too. She's getting older too and wants to try a relationship that lasts more than 36 hours. And seeing another girl have the hots for him made Holly want to give it a shot. She knows a lot about sex but not about romance. Will takes her in his arms and says "Well I don't know if you know, but I happen to be an excellent educator."