No marriage is made in heaven.Yes we think our partner is wonderful and he thinks we are wonderful because we are in love. Love does not guarantee a life of happy ever after.Let's face it we are human.Humans are not perfect so how can a marriage be perfect.Before you get on your high horse and think I will take sides I am going to say I am not taking any sides.




When you are in love you think everything will be perfect because you love one another.In all honesty that may last (if you are lucky) until after the honeymoon.It may last for months and if it does then I am happy for both of you.It may last for two or three years. Then for one reason or another you will clash over the smallest of things.Quite often you will not even remember the next morning what caused this problem. Move on and do not let this worry you. Do not hold grudges, they eat away at you.




Marriages and humans are NOT perfect






For a marriage to work it takes a lot of work on BOTH sides.No one person is to blame; we all have different ways of looking at things.There is no right or wrong.No black or white but shades of grey areas.




You may have been brought up with different principles.Your husband may have different ideas and principles.When you fell madly in love; you knew his bad points and he knew yours.




Never try and change the person you fell in love with






When you fell in love, you must have known he was not perfect.Yet you still loved him warts and all.So why are those silly little annoying things worrying you now?




And in fairness; he also knew your faults. Yes as humans we all have faults of one sort or another.Did that stop him from loving you?Evidently not or there would not have been a wedding.




So why are you nit picking now?




To be honest, and this is entirely my opinion after being married for nearly fifty years.Marriages are too easy to get out of.Yes, if we cannot get our own way, we throw a wobbly and suddenly want a divorce.Be honest.Am I right?




Laying the blame






Oh yes, we can all blame the other person. But it takes two to make or cause an argument.Have you ever tried to argue with yourself?You cannot.Yes, you can mumble under your breath or rant and rave but if you do not throw accusations at your partner, he will have no ammunition to throw back at you.Remember that the next time there is a disagreement in your household.




Therefore, if you refuse to argue while you are upset, there will be no argument.So learn to hold your tongue.In other words shut up.Because you are both hot under the collar.If you allow yourselves to cool down, give it time and then sit down together and talk, there will not be an argument.




Married couples need to talk






All couples need to talk and share their worries, things that are causing them stress or any problems at all. It is senseless to bottle things up inside of you.Talk to your partner and share the good and bad times together.




Married couples need to listen to each other






This is the most important part of any relationship. It makes no difference if you are in a de-facto relationship, the same applies. The trouble today is that we are so self obsessed with our own problems that we do not or will not actually sit down and listen to other people's problems. We will often go to a stranger and tell them our problems.Wrong!Talk to your partner.




We all need to talk to one another, explain your concerns and listen to all your partners' worries or problems.Bottling everything up causes more problems than you realize. It also causes stress, so learn to talk and listen to any partner or member of your family and you will find a big difference in your life.




No one's life is perfect, we all make mistakes.But if you truly love someone then why not sit down and share your problems and worries together.This is what a marriage is all about.Two people sharing their lives together.




Part of the marriage vows that you swore to uphold include the words "to love and cherish through good and bad, through sickness and health".






How quickly did you forget that part of your marriage vows? Or are you one of the few minorities that has remembered?






As I said before we have been married for a long time.And yes we have certainly had our ups and downs.I believe that we have both learned over the years to walk away and avoid the heat of the moment arguments.




Please, wait until you have both cooled down.Then sit down and talk your problems over quietly and calmly like two civilized human beings.This is the only way to survive a fifty or sixty year marriage.Do not give up too easily.Isn't it worth putting an effort in to make it work for both your partners' sakes?I sure hope yours is a marriage that will last the test of time.