A Loving Mother’s Day Letter Which Explains Why the Day is All about Me You

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day. Every year I look for ways to make Mother’s Day special for you to show you how much you are loved. I spend hours exploring special Mother’s Day activities, hoping to find the perfect one that brings you joy and makes you laugh and smile. I don’t think I’ve missed one Mother’s Day with you and that makes me proud. This year, however, brings a new wrinkle. I’m married now and my husband also has a mother. Lucky for us, both of you are within driving distance…in opposite directions, but still.

Things have gotten a little tense between me and hubby as of late because we are trying to decide what to do. I don’t understand what the problem is because to me it’s a no brainer. We, as new husband and wife should be coming to visit you on Mother’s Day. Here are my reasons and I know that they will make perfect sense to you too.

Dearest Mother Big TagCredit: AForestFrolic: http://www.flickr.com/photos/33334577@N06/5509584533

First, although both mothers are within driving distance, you (MY mom), live significantly closer. It will take us 80 minutes to drive to see you and 2 hours and 20 minutes to reach his mom. Minutes vs. hours. Yes, I know 80 minutes is more than an hour, but 80 is so close to 60 that it’s appropriate to use minutes when describing the distance to your house. But that’s not even the most important reason! The main reason he should come with me to see you on Mother’s Day is because I am an only child and he is the oldest of three. You see where I am going with this, right? His mom has two spares! She doesn’t need to see all THREE of her children on Mother’s Day, does she? I calmly explained this to him, but to my surprise he disagreed, stating matter-of-factly that his mom would miss him too. I told him if that was the case his mom was a terribly selfish person for wanting to see him when she had two other children available. That’s what led to the tension, mommy. I know. I can’t believe it either.

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After we calmed down we were able to approach the topic of Mother’s Day again. We came up with three ideas, but in each case realized it wouldn’t work. But I am happy to say that we found the perfect solution to our Mother’s Day dilemma with the fourth idea and I wanted to write to let you know! I also wanted you to see the other ideas we had and why we ruled them out. I am sure that you will agree that we made the right decision.

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Idea # 1: Flip a Coin

Mommy, I’ll have you know that I was very against this option. My husband thought it was the fairest way. His idea was to flip a coin this year, and every year after we just alternate which mom to visit. This was a bad idea because one, I had a fifty percent chance of losing the coin toss…and you know how I get when I don’t win. We were just about to flip the coin when I ultimately decided we should look at other options. I couldn’t get past the idea of you being disappointed if I didn’t win the coin toss this year. No specially planned Mother’s Day activities? It pained me so to think of this and I know you never want me to be in pain so we looked at another option that would be easier on me.

A mother is a special someoneCredit: rutlo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/26809429@N02/3532134263/

Idea # 2: Host Both Mothers at Our House

Mommy, this idea held initial promise and I am proud to say that hubby thought it up. How perfect, right? You both live within driving distance, so the drive wouldn’t be that bad. Especially since the dads would be driving. I have to admit I was a little ticked off when he told me he wasn’t serious. He seems to think that having you drive to our home for a short visit is thoughtless. (I don’t understand why that word keeps coming up!) His reasoning is that since you guys are all in your mid-nineties it’s not the best idea for you to be driving on the highway for too long. I told him that was nonsense. No one except us had to know that dad’s license had been revoked due to poor eyesight. Besides, if you were tired, you could all take a nap when you arrived. Which actually wouldn’t be a bad thing since I would also be tired (exhausted really) from planning Mother’s Day activities for two moms, plus preparing a nice meal in your honor. I guess hubby had a point about it not being the best idea. I know you wouldn’t want me to be tired, so we better look at something else.

Idea # 3: Splitting Up for Mother’s Day

The third option hubby and I talked about was splitting up. I visit you and he visits his mom. Simple. Clean. Doable. It would be like it was before we were married. It seemed like such an awesome idea, especially given the reasonable proximity. I was relieved that we had a solution. Or so I thought. As the day wore on a sadness came over me. I tried (I really did) to hide it from my husband. I stayed upstairs in our bedroom. But I guess my husband knows me too well. I heard him yell, “AGAIN?! Kim, I can hear you wailing from the end of the block. Give it a rest for a minute, will ya?” It was just so hard not to cry. I mean we just got married (eight months ago) and we’re still in our honeymoon phase. How selfish is it that both moms expect us to be away from each other so soon to entertain them with Mother’s Day activities? My husband had such a look in his eye when I shared this with him. He didn’t say anything, but I am sure it was a look of profound love for me and awe at my selflessness. But then I realized I Happy Mother's Day walnut-inkCredit: Dancing Lemur: http://www.flickr.com/photos/84405289@N00/7181579236was wrong. My mom was NOT selfish. How could I have even entertained the thought that you would want us to split up? Just the opposite, in fact. I cried again because I realized that you would feel very sad if you knew you caused me pain by having to be apart for a day. You know I never want you to feel bad mommy, so it was back to the drawing board.

Idea #4: Staying Put

Since my husband not seeing his mom wasn’t an option, and having you both over to our house, or splitting up for Mother’s Day were not viable either, we just didn’t know what to do. I hated the idea of you feeling sad about the impossible choices I had to make for you. But as always, I came up with the perfect solution. One that I know you will like and be proud of, because mommy, you are always proud of my ingenuity and extremely giving nature.

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To spare you the angst and sadness that I know you would feel about me having to choose any of the options above, I have decided that we will all just stay put this year. You at your house, his mom at her house and hubby and I at our house. It just makes perfect sense! It came to me as I was pondering, “What is Mother’s Day? Who is it for?” It’s a day where we celebrate mothers, right?

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It got me thinking. I know I’m not a mother yet. But I could be one day. Which means Mother’s Day would apply to me too! And since I could be a mother one day, the fact that I am not one yet is merely a technicality, right? Which means I should be celebrated on Mother’s Day too! So my husband and I are going to stay home and celebrate our first Mother’s Day together. But don’t worry, you know your loving and unselfish daughter would never forget about you. We sent you the loveliest Mother’s Day card EVER! It is so incredible that it will make you cry. But they will be tears of happiness instead of tears of sadness at the thought of me suffering.

Clever, right? I should have been a rocket scientist. Let me know what you think of the Mother’s Day card as soon as you get it… But remember not to call too early, or too late, or in the middle of the day when I might be busy. You’ll figure it out. Okay, I have to go now and get a hand massage. My fingers cramped from all of this typing. Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. You’re worth it.

With Love Always,
(Author’s Note: Mommy, thank you for loving me always. I’m looking forward to another wonderful Mother’s Day with you. And yes, MY mom is the best.)