He loves me...he loves me not!

Girl thinking(120414)

''Does he love me?" ..."Doesn't he love me?" We ask ourselves these questions constantly; some ask it more than others. Some ask it constantly....to some it is like a daily mantra, as we question the state of our relationships and the tangiblity of his love. He may do something to annoy us or he may act cold then all of a sudden, our world begins to crumble as we feel our security and self assurance leaving us. We, as women are truly the fairer sex; we are fragile creatures, wanting love, needing love and emotionally vulnerable. We love hard and we fall even harder so when we are in relationships with someone we have deep feelings for, we do want the relationship to work and at the same time, we want to feel, breathe and eat his love..

Often I have heard the cry, "I thought he loved me!" and I wonder what this really means. Was the thought of love actually being existent, misconstrued or was there love from the start, a love that eventually withered away. Why are so many women left shattered and heartbroken when a love affair goes sour or when it ends? Yet, all the while, their friends mutter, "I told you so! Told you he was no good! Told you he was a dog!" So who was right and who was wrong? Obviously the friends could see something that the person in the relationship couldn't see. Is the term, 'blinded by love' really accurate? Are we sometimes so lost in love or rather in our love for being in love, that we fail to see the person for who they really are? We, ordinary people are not the only ones guilty of that. Stars like Rihanna, J'Lo,  Halle Berry and Kim Kardashian to name a few have all been 'victims' of love. All beautiful women, yet why did they fall prey to the 'love disease'? Were they all too blinded by love? Beautiful, girlish Taylor Swift sang many a song on her love relationships that went wrong. Young as she is, she already knows of heartbreak a bit too many times. So no one is immune from this hurt...yet we cannot hide from it either. Do we just have to go in the relationship with a brave face and hope for the best? Or don't we? Can't we read the signs of love or lack of love?.....Or are we too dumb or too deeply in love to see?

Like our friends have determined, signs are always there. We just never see it nor observe it.  Sure, we all argue in relationships. The best relationships fall prey to arguments but an argument is not enough to say that your love relationship has gone awry! Rather, observing how he reacts towards you during an argument can tell you what is really in his heart. Does he call you horrible names such as 'whore', 'slut' and 'bitch' when you argue? Beware-these may be signs of a person with deep-seated anger issues and also unresolved issues with his mother. If he hits you, beats you, belittles you, throws you out the house or drives off after an argument, not returning for days, then his actions may suggest he has a tendency to be abusive and also is running from the problem rather than fixing it. Beware if your guy shows any of these signs. Rather, seek a guy who is willing to talk things over after the anger has subsided. Sure, relationships aren't perfect and people will argue but the guy who is willing to make amends and reconcile may be the type of guy you are looking for. A guy who can apologize for something he has done or even something he has not done, speaks volumes as to his character and demonstrates that he may really love you and want to make things work.

If your guys oogles every skirt that passes whether you are in his presence or not and has cheated on you at least three times, then he probably does not have your best interest at heart nor ever will. A serial cheater will only continue in his ways because he has been granted permission to continue. He knows which women have decided to be his victims and who will always take him back whether he has cheated ten times or a hundred times. If your guy demonstrates such behaviour, then sadly, he has no respect for you and sees you as the doormat that you have made yourself. When respect is lacking in a relationship, usually love is the last thing that can possibly exist in that forum.

Jealous girlfriend

What about the gold digging guys- the guys who are with you for what you can give them and not what they can give you. Relationships, like love are a two way street;both parties must be willing to give and share in order to reap the benefits. If one party is doing all the giving, whether physically or emotionally, then clearly the relationship is one-sided. Sure, some guys are absent minded and they may not call as much or text as much but if you find yourself doing all of the work in the relationship and little is being done on his part, then clearly, you need to ask yourself if indeed that guy does love you.There are a certain calibre of guys that stick around women for what they can receive. Ever heard of the rich, successful business woman who buys her boyfriend all the best gifts:cars, a house, video games, brand name watches and he does nothing in return for her- only takes ands takes and takes? Most often, the guy feels the need to 'stick around' because of all the gifts he is being offered in the relationship. It is almost as if the woman is paying him to stick around-I'll pay you if you can stick around with me...Such women are plagued with insecurities and suffer from low self esteem, thinking that the only way they can get a man to love them is by coaxing them to. If your partner is solely in a relationship because you are winning them over with gifts, chances are they are more in love with the gifts they receive than with you. Want proof? Stop heaping him with gifts-if he sticks around, there is hope; if he leaves, then he was never in the relationship because he loved you..

Most oftentimes, the signs are there. It stares us blatantly in the eye. We don't need to pick leaves off a rose, proclaiming, "He loves me; he loves me not." His own actions will be a give away but it may not be what we want to hear or see. It may not even be what we expect. But the old adage, "Actions speak louder than words" hold alot of truth. Often, actions do speak louder than words and if he is telling you he loves you but his actions speak otherwise, then maybe...he loves you not!

Roses on the ground