Even though your child reaches the age of 20 or more, does not make parenting easy. Young people are facing many crucial decisions at this age that may affect their lives for many years in the future. Parenting never stops. This article is not about making their decisions but guiding them if they choose to have that option.
Open communication is key to having your young adults even come to you for advice. Being judgmental or angry will not create any open discussions with them. They do not want to be condemned when they ask you what you think.
Some of the issues that require responsible decisions they are facing are college decisions, social decisions, political decisions, and health decisions. They are probably not going to discuss all of these decisions with you as many of them they will feel completely capable in deciding on their own.
- Spying on them will get you nowhere and they will eventually find out. (including facebook)
- Don’t judge them. They will not come to you again.
- Don’t threaten them to see things your way.
- Don’t make negative comments. It will push them to possible make the wrong decision.
- Trust them! You brought them up; you taught them your values.
- Instead of placing a judgment, use statements like, “This is how I would feel if I were in this situation”.
- Never use “You”. It feels too judgmental to someone asking for advice.
- Be calm, Think before you speak!
Let’s face it, the economy is really bad and this affects their future as well. Your young adult may face job issues, like whether they will be able to get a job when they get out of college. They also may have to pay back their loans on top of it.
They have social issues, like who to date or hang out with. These decisions can be tough as they don’t have the years of experience like their parents have with people. Sometimes we can see immediately how bad the relationship is going to be. It’s hard to hold back. Even if you are right sometimes, it’s best to let it be unless the relationship becomes dangerous.
They have political decisions to make as they are able to vote. If you already raised them to know how important this decision is then hopefully that will be enough. Some may not realize, though, that when your young person goes out into the world, they are faced with those who have an agenda to persuade them to vote according to their own beliefs. Although it does not seem fair that an outside public source (college professors, other moms, co-workers) would play a role like this, it often happens. If you have always taught your young person to think for themselves, hopefully this will help them make a wise decision.
There are many health issues that they need to address constantly. Even when you have been the example as a parent, it doesn’t prevent some bad decisions. As an example you may not smoke but your children may choose to. This is a choice that you may not agree with. Smoking in your house could affect your health as well. Telling them they will have to smoke outside is a wise decision. The other health issue is eating right and being fit. This is a decision that most young people don’t consider because they think they have plenty of time. Again, if you have raised them to eat right and provided plenty of activity, they most likely will continue in this path.
If you have already instilled the trust you have for them, they will most likely trust you with their confidential information. This will lead the way for them to come to you for advice, before they make any bad decisions.
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