Both of you come together to form one union, but you both still have different ideas and thoughts. Be careful not to lose yourself in your marriage.
Photo credit: mensatic
Here are a few things that I have learned:
Are You Doing Too Much?
Do you know of spouses that pick up their partners dirty clothes off the floor or cater to them constantly? This could be a man or woman. Sometimes a spouse may want to help their mate, but be careful of being too helpful. For example, I know a couple who the wife supported and put the husband through school, only to end up in divorce. I am not saying it is not okay to put your spouse through school, but you both need some type of understanding between the both of you. Be sure to have some type of plan. Sometimes one spouse may just take the other partner for granted.
When you marry and have children, be concerned if it is all of one spouse’s responsibility to take care of the children, housecleaning, cooking, taking children to extra curricular activities, etc. You may find it exhausting. In addition, you may find it is too much for just one person in a marriage to handle. What about considering sharing of responsibilities? Just take time to sit down and both of you decide what they will be. Possibly one spouse is very good at a particular task or responsibility. There does not have to necessarily be a gender assignment for responsibilities. For example, I know a couple where the wife cleans the inside of the vehicles and enjoys doing it, but that is not her husband's forte'. Then there is the other couple where he likes to iron the clothes in the family and she does not like to iron.
Just because you get married and are in love, does not mean you have to do everything together. One spouse may need more alone time. If the other spouse wants to do everything together, it may cause the other partner to feel smothered. The couples again, need to find balance. Time together is good, but time away from each other can bring you equally closer together. This is a way to better your marriage. I recall a couple, who the woman said they did everything together and that he did not want any children, only for her to find out he wanted a divorce. She was quite bitter about this, because she did not have a clue that anything was wrong. Also,after the divorce, he married a woman with several children. I can see there is a communication problem here.
It is good that you and your spouse have some of the same interests, but each partner may want to have a few separate interests of their own. For example, I know a couple that love to fish together. He loves to hunt. She would not begin to consider hunting. She would rather go to a movie, which he does not care for either. So rather, than force each other to take part in activities that they do not want to do, they may develop a few separate interests. Possibly, she could go to the movies with her girlfriend, or a relative. It is good for women to get together and good for the boys to get together.
Let Yourself Go
Above all men and women do not let yourself go once you get married. Do not have the attitude; oh, I have him or her now. How many times have you seen those get married and gain weight, eat all they think they can eat, and just stop dressing as nice as they did before marriage? I recall one young couple that married. The wife started gaining some weight. Her father told her, “Honey you are a pretty girl, do not let yourself go.” “Watch your weight and look appealing for your husband.” I thought to myself that this is good fatherly advice for any newlywed couple. That is a wise father. This weight gain applies to men too, because I have seen more men with the beer guts, some of them seemingly are proud of it as they rare back with their hands on their hips.
It is okay to Disagree
Do not just allow your partner to have their way for sake of argument all the time. If it is something that you feel strongly about, then let it known. After all your partner will never know unless you share this.
You both may not always think alike. You will have disagreements. If one partner is always giving in, and always going along with the program, eventually someone is going to become resentful. They may even explode with anger. Listen to each other’s views. Are you right all the time? You do not know everything. Sometimes one partner may feel that they know exactly how things should go, after talking and hearing both sides, may discover what the other partner is saying makes sense. For example, one partner that lived up north wanted to travel south during the winter to visit relatives. The other partner did not want to go for fear of the slippery roads. Anyone that lives up north is familiar with icy roads and sometimes blizzard conditions. This couple did go south anyway.
The other partner realizes the further south they got the warmer the weather was during the wintertime. In fact, it was 60-degree weather compared to 20 or 30 degrees in the north. The other partner admitted it was not that bad and was quite enjoyable. That was great that the other partner acknowledged they had a great time.
Be True To Yourself
Know that you will make mistakes in life. No one person is perfect. So check and reevaluate yourself, if you suspect you are losing yourself in your marriage, do something about it. Make a change. You owe that to yourself and to your partner. Be true to yourself and better your marriage. If you know you do not like an activity that your husband likes, it is not your responsibility to take part in that activity. For example, a man went to a play with his wife. Afterwards he told her, he only went for her, that he did not care about plays. Had he not told her, she would have never known that. Therefore, it is important t be true to yourself. That goes for both men and women. Have you been true to yourself?