Is forgiveness necessary for one's peace and happiness?
In fact this "forgiving" concept is very much an invention to kid ourselves. Very honest, how can anyone "forgive" others for their wrong doings? They had done something wrong, then they pay for the consequences. There is nothing for us to forgive because we have nothing to do with their actions!! How to forgive? It is a very subtle concept.
Take for example, if you knock your head against the wall, nobody can share your physical pain. You knock you suffer. The other party can just sympathize with you, or best is to give you a hug. But can never take the physical pain away. The culprit gets nothing out of your "forgiveness". The harm had already been done. The most important concept is not what you, the victim, can do for him, but what he can do for himself to atone for the wrong he had done to you. For example, many "forgiving" wives have to endure repeated abuses from their husbands, because forgiving doesn't guarantee relief.
I am definitely not a wise person. Maybe in thoughts, writing, and what I've gone through, I may be wise to that extent only. In other words, I am just an ordinary person. Just a Good Guy! But having attended the Goenka 10-day Vipassana course I am learning how to be a happier and more peaceful person, maybe a little wiser.
What if you simply cannot forgive?
You CANNOT change the past; so you must neutralize your negative thoughts to live in peace with yourself, without requiring to forgive the person..
It is just like a war consisting of many battles to be fought. The ultimate mission is to win the war, and not every battle. The most important thing is NOT to recall all those past horrible tricks and lies that the person had played on you. The more you dig the past the more dirt and disgusting odour will appear to haunt you. Put it in a more repulsive manner: You know there is rubbish (actually the 4-letter word is a better description) thrown at your backyard, and you still want to move backwards getting yourself stuck in that smelly garbage!! The person responsible for the rubbish had gone. Why do you still want to blame this person each time you choose to repeated step on his rubbish? Move forward, leave his rubbish behind. Go wash your feet, and put on your dancing shoes and move forward!! How well you want to dance is up to you. At least you don't move backwards to step on the rubbish again. This is how you are going to live your life. This is how I chose to live my life. I cannot just blame the person and get angry every minute of my life. I don't have to forgive this person, but I can get on with my life, if not happy, at least I will be at peace with my life, even with all the rubbish at my backyard as long as I refuse to move backwards.
If you don't take this step forward, you are going to be very miserable for the rest of your life, and you are going to suffer when your health deteriorates. Our body system can only take that much. With continuous thoughts of hatred and resentment, your body system in no time will succumb to illness. To be healthy, stay happy. If you can’t be happy, then at least be at peace with your own self. Do yourself this favour.
Let it be! Let it be!