So, your Girlfriend has just broken up with you, and you are pretty gutted to say the least. She was the one you were meant to be with, and you could not bear life without her. Now your main purpose in life is to go and get her back.
You need to devise a plan to go and get her. You think to yourself 'what do girls want? And what do they need?' You reason that girls want to feel loved, and want to be cared about. They need to be the centre of your World, so you figure that you should go out and see her, and try to beg her to come back to you, as you will put her first, you will give her more attention, you will love her twice as much as you did before. With a plan like this, it can not fail; you are giving her everything she needs and then some.
So, you go out to put the plan in action. You start to phone her more than you have done, you try to see her more than ever before, and you turn up at her house to 'just see how things are going'.
For some strange reason, she acts more distant to you than ever before, the flowers you bought her and her favourite chocolates you got her are not accepted, and you are left to take them back home ad give them to your Mother as a late mothers day gift- 6 months since mothers day was.
How is this possible? You are giving her everything she wants, and she is throwing it back in your face. She must be unwell mentally you reason, so you go and ask her what it is she wants, and you try a different tact this time, so after she has calmly explained that she does not want to be with youâ€¦ it is her, not youâ€¦ etc, you drop the bombshellâ€¦ 'Yes I understand', you say 'I would still like to be friends though'. She readily agrees, as she no longer will have you pestering her about 'going out', and it will leave her free to start dating the guy she really likes for now, and then move on etc. You are quite happy, because now you will get to be around her and show her what a great guy you are, and you will be her best friend, and she will naturally fall in love with you all over againâ€¦.
Unfortunately this will not happen for 99 out of 100 guys
What has just been described is the death knell for your relationship with her, and gradually over time, you will see her with more and more guys, and either you will drop off her radar, and she will stop calling, and you will be waiting anxiously by the phone expecting her to call to say she made a great big error in judgementâ€¦ or she will call you, and you will expect it to be her announcing to the world that you are the best thing since sliced bread, but instead it will be just another 'can I borrow that' call which will lead to you being very disappointedâ€¦ again! She has moved on and you are stuck in the rut of being her lap dog, without being her actual boyfriend.
With that out of the way, let's get down to the crux of it. The actions in the above paragraphs will lead you to the route of despair.
You have to look at yourself and ask 'why is she throwing me aside?' Knowing that your actions led to her not wanting you anymore, you have to do the exact opposite of what she expects and has come to know of you.
So the first step in getting your girlfriend back is thisâ€¦
1) Stop calling her. Stop trying to get in touch. If she wants to speak, she can call you. You can miss the call, and then in the next couple of days call back saying that you were out and have just got a couple of minutes to catch up. This should be a BREAK in all communication from you. Do not be nasty or rude, but you have to stop trying to contact her. If when you try to phone her back, she does not pick up, that is her loss. You do not phone back until she phones you again. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
So now that you are not phoning her, you need to put her to the back of your memory. I am assuming that she is worth it, because the usual advice would be to forget about her periodâ€¦ After all why do you want to be with her, if she does not want to be with you? That seems very counter productive. Anyways, that is beside the point.
The next thing you MUST do is to have a good time. It is probably the last thing you want to do, but what did you give up when you started seeing her- playing your favourite sport, going out with your friends?
Now is the time to start doing what you liked doing, and start enjoying it.
So step 2
2) Enjoy yourself, and start having fun without her.
The purpose of step 2 is really to take your mind off her, and realise that she actually was not that much fun to be around all the time. By going out and having fun, you will start to meet more people, and maybe even meet someone who is better than her.
3) Step 3 here, is to meet another girl. The purpose here is to actually enjoy the company of other girls. You are not seeing anyone at the moment, so why not? You may as well see who is out there so that you can play the field a little. This will either mean that you decide she was not as good as you thought she was, or that she isâ€¦ It is a win/win situation for you!
So you have decided that you still want your EX girlfriend back (if she has broken up with you, she is now your ex, regardless of what you might think!) Now you need to contrive to meet her. This will be on your terms though. If she had a favourite place to hang out, you go thereâ€¦ but you take your new girlâ€¦ and you give her your full attention. When your ex walks in, and sees you sitting there having fun with another girl, she will get very jealous. To make matters worse, you are not paying your ex any real attention. Of course you say hello, and make small chit chat, but everything about you points out to her that your attention is still on your new girl. Finish the conversation by suggesting going out for coffee for a catch up.
4) Contrive a situation so that your ex can see you are having fun without her, and she will also be able to see that you are actually a fun guy with other options. (This makes you far more attractive to her than you have ever been.
So now you go for a meet up with your ex- everything has been light hearted, you explain how much fun it has been for you, and she did you a real favour. Ask how she is doing, and take things from there.
5) Take things onward from a cup of coffee if you can/want
The reasons for this are two fold:
- You may be having such a good time now, that you do not want a girlfriend, or have found a better one.
- She has already got someone better than you.
Both these options are not that bad, because by now you should be having a great time, meeting new girls, and you are not concerned about her anymore. That applies for both scenarios.
Of course it may be that you hit it off again, but the biggest warning, is to make sure you do not become a lapdog again. You need to start calling the shots, and lead a separate life from her. Yes you may want to be with her, but you are not the same person's. Live YOUR life. A relationship is best when both parties have an equal share. If you rely on her to make you happy, the relationship is destined to fail.
In summary the steps are
1) Do not contact her
2) Go out and have a good time
3) Find some other women
4) Contrive for your ex to accidentally meet you and your new girl out and about
5) Take things from there if you wish.
Generally you should wait a minimum of a month between points 1 and 4. Do points 1, 2, and 3 straight away!
NO one person is so amazing that you HAVE to be with them and can not live without them. There is no 'ONE'
There are 6 billion people in the World... the chances of you finding that 'ONE' is miniscule'. You have more chance of winning the lottery 5 times in a row. Food for thought!
Good luck, and remember, you are the prize not her!!!