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How To Get Rid Of Mold Without Resorting To Violence

By Edited May 16, 2014 0 2

Oozing up from the dark depths of the beginning of time, a glob of evil, smelly goo made it's way to a dark, neglected corner - of your home.

In a crack, on a wall, to the ceiling in the hall - a dark mass known as mold begins it's assault on your home. This foul intruder can make even grown men use words like "ick."

Yes - you can learn how to get rid of mold - but you need to take a break and laugh at your moldy situation, at least for a few moments before the final battle.

The following is strictly for laughs.

Getting up-close and personal with a colony of the yucky stuff requires a change of wardrobe. That old jeans and T-shirt combo will have to stay in your drawer for this one.

Instead, what you need is a spiffy Hazmat suit. The word Hazmat is short for "hazardous material" and that's exactly what your toxic mold friend is all about. Once you've visited the ultra chic "Hazmat Suite Emporium" and you've donned your protective wear, you can get as up-close and personal as you want. Go ahead, look your enemy right in the eye - "ick."

Your Mold assault will also require a thingy to scrap with, a plastic bag. duct tape and a snack. The snack isn't for you - it's for the mold.

After you've scraped all the mold into a plastic bag, seal the now toxic bag with duct tape. You are now ready for the "get rid of mold" portion of your quest. You will now relocate the mold.

With mold-filled bag in hand, jump into your car and drive at least 500 miles in any direction. Now find a steep cliff, toss the now moldy bag over the cliff, quickly jump back in your car and return home.


While this is a good way to get rid of mold, it is not without hazard. The mold may be able to find it's way back to your house, If this happens, you still have one very good option.

Build another house next door to yours. You will not be moving into this house. Instead, in the dark of night, quietly and quickly relocate the mold from your house to the one you just built. Now seal all the doors and windows shut in the new house.

If you're very quiet, the mold will think it's still in your home.

And now you're mold-free and you can celebrate.

But what if this trick doesn't work and the mold returns to haunt your home?

There is one sure way to get rid of mold - but it's a little drastic. Hire mold removal experts and instruct them to take flame throwers and reduce the mold to a pile of ashes. This course of action is not without hazard.

At this point I should warn you that none the actions mentioned here will work. All the how to get rid of mold ideas that I've mentioned are completely without merit, completely silly and in the case of open flame are absolutely not to be used.

Yes, you can learn how to get ride of mold, but do not heed the silly advice I've given here. Instead, do yourself proud by calling an expert. You may however wish to keep your spiffy Hazmat Suit for that office party that's coming up next month.

Have FUN



Dec 29, 2009 12:55pm
Very funny article! It reminds me of the King of the Hill episode about mold in their house. Great job!
Dec 29, 2009 8:47pm
Thank you angel920 I'm happy you enjoyed it.
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