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How To Lose Twenty Pounds In Just Three Weeks

By Edited Nov 13, 2013 2 5

Most of us, at one time or another, have tried some kind of fad diet in hopes of finding the magic formula for shedding a few unwanted pounds.  You see them in magazines, on the Internet, and every time you turn on the TV.  Fad diets come and go and in the end, it all comes down to a little knowledge and a lot of common sense.  After spending time on the Internet looking for another bit of information that I could comfortably fit into my lifestyle, I came across information of a different kind.

I found that banging my head against the wall for one hour will burn one hundred and fifty calories.  While the thought of physically hurting myself didn’t appeal to me, I was curious enough to read on only to find other less painful methods of losing weight.

If you have a large lawn, and enjoy cutting grass, a half hour of mowing the lawn will burn one hundred calories.  If you live in an apartment and don’t have a lawn, thirty-five minutes of vacuuming will burn one hundred calories, and for those who aren’t into housework, a nice brisk half hour walk will burn the same one hundred calories.

On an average, Americans eat the equivalent of eighteen acres of pizza a day.  One slice of pepperoni pizza is approximately three hundred calories but I find it hard to stop at just one slice. I usually have three slices. This means to burn those nine hundred pizza calories before they have a chance to make themselves at home, I would have to mow the lawn twice, vacuum the house three times, go for a ninety minute walk, and bang my head against the wall for a half hour.

One ounce of chocolate contains two hundred and twenty five calories.  My problem is - one ounce of chocolate is never enough so I would have to run a marathon through the house while pushing a vacuum cleaner, mow the community park and bang my head against the wall until I can’t remember my kid’s names.

Of course it would be easier to change my diet and I found one that is guaranteed to remove inches in just one week while eating 3 healthy meals a day. 

With a promise to myself to stick to it, I started my new diet on a Monday morning.  With a breakfast of egg whites, ground flaxseed and a small orange, I ignored the fact that my egg whites were tasteless and the flaxseed tasted like sand and consoled myself with the anticipation of a delicious smoothie for lunch.  As the lunch hour grew near and I assembled the ingredients on the kitchen counter,  it wasn’t long before I realized that a cup of skim milk, 2 tablespoons of plain low fat yogurt, 2 tablespoons of flaxseed, a cup of cooked oatmeal and three ice cubes was not my idea of bliss in a blender.  Even the dog wouldn't eat it.

By suppertime I was starving and looking forward to grilled chicken breast and salad and went to work with gusto.  I read the instructions for grilling the chicken - 2 ounces of skinless, boneless chicken.  I had no idea how much 2 ounces was so I got out my kitchen scale.  I found that my nice plump piece of chicken breast weighed just under half a pound which was way too much so, I cut it in quarter pieces and weighed one piece.  It weighed a little over 2 ounces and was about the size of a golf ball!  It was hardly worth turning on the grill for but, I reminded myself of my promise to stick to it.

A half hour later I sat at the kitchen table with my miniscule piece of chicken, a cup of green salad without dressing, another 2 tablespoons of flaxseed, and 2 tablespoons of low fat cottage cheese.  I finished every morsel and for my efforts, I decided to reward myself with a chocolate éclair and a bowl of Apple Butter ice cream.

The head banging, lawn mowing, walking and vacuuming was beginning to look better to me than my new diet until one day, I read an interesting article on the Internet.  It said a healthy human releases about seventeen ounces of internal gas each day. That means I will lose 7.4375 pounds a week and could reach my goal of losing twenty pounds in just three weeks.

The perfect solution is always in the last place you look.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Comments

May 20, 2011 5:36pm
Venetia
LOL - Darlene you have a funny bone. I love it!! Thank you for a great read.
May 20, 2011 6:42pm
DarleneMcFarlene
Thanks, Venetia. It might be a little silly and I don't think it will gain too many clicks with it but it was fun to write.

BTW, the facts are true.
May 21, 2011 9:03am
Tom_Carver
You're gas. Weight loss is so difficult but this is a novel way to go about it.
There must be something in this wind energy that they are always harping on about. LOL
May 21, 2011 10:25am
DarleneMcFarlene
Hi Tom,
You are right, weight loss is very difficult. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of it.
May 27, 2011 10:21pm
vetochemicals
This is awesome and a much better way to lose weight than everyone else's (including mine) suggestions..lol. Chocolate is my splurge too btw!!
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