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How To Tell If Your Husband Was Raised by Wolves

By Edited May 15, 2015 5 8

Husbands can be wonderful. They can also be a confusing bunch. Husbands make you wonder exactly who raised them and taught them what they know. At first this can be somewhat confusing because you met his family, you've also spent a lot of time with his mother. She seems like she would be capable of raising a child, but they may all have you fooled. That "family" of his may just be a part of his scheme to hide the truth. What is the truth? He was actually raised by wolves! Here are the steps to finding out the truth.

Things You Will Need

patience, good observation skills

Step 1

One of the first signs to look out for: Does he mark his territory? This would be most apparent in the bathroom. Don't be distracted by the ruse of him lifting the toilet seat. The evidence will be on the floor. Another sign of marking his territory is the noxious odor that permeates the room while you are watching TV or trying to fall asleep.

Does he leave tracks? Are you able to find him by following these tracks? Wolves are cunning and can leave tracks in many forms such as muddy footprints or a trail of clothes from the front door leading right to him. There are also the empty wrappers, crumbs, dishes, can and cups trails. These trails will change consistency in an attempt to trick us and not allow us to follow him.

The next sure sign is the inability to sit on the sofa like a normal human being. This behavior is displayed much like your dog's behavior. You know what I mean, as soon as you leave the room your dog jumps on the sofa and lays down regardless of how dirty he is. Wolves and dogs are related, but dogs must be smarter because at least they wait for us to leave the room before they lay all over the furniture.

It is a well know fact, wolves are color blind. When left to his own devices, does your husband look like he got dressed in a dark closet? Does his inability to match and coordinate colors and patterns continually amaze you? Does the only outfit he can put together have Garanimals tags? Hmmm...would they happen to be sheep?

Does he bond more with another pack of men than with you? They communicate with other pack members by making sounds, sharing food and drink and rough-housing. To really observe this behavior, sneak up on your husband and his friends, or should I say pack, during football, baseball or NASCAR season and watch for the signs. Is the pack communicating in a language which could be English, but is incomprehensible to you? Are they rough-housing? Are they sharing food and drink throughout the pack? But when you or the kids come in, there isn't enough to share?

Is he food aggressive? After you've dressed and groomed him, you go out to dinner. All you want is a little taste of whatever he ordered, the man raised by wolves will growl, snarl and almost bite your head off.

Does he watch you struggle lifting or carrying something? He sees you trying and he really is cheering you on, but he can't get up to help you. Getting up to help would weaken you and he knows, in the wild only the strongest survive.

If you suspect your husband was raised by wolves, you will have a lot of training to do, but they can be tamed. Some are worth the effort.

Tips & Warnings

Array

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Comments

Feb 6, 2010 4:44pm
classicalgeek
LOL This was hilarious! Thank you!
Mar 1, 2010 6:50pm
Sullysee
Sounds like not too many, though, would be worth the training efforts. Throw him out into the real world and see how he can negotiate, surprisingly they suddenly behave. I'll stick with my sweet well-mannered dog. Fun read.
Mar 13, 2012 9:21pm
dreamaker
Chuckles are great Thanks.
Mar 13, 2012 9:42pm
skeffling
Love it. I laughed out loud!
Mar 13, 2012 9:57pm
Misskate
I think its official, my partner was raised by wolves. The main sign.. Food aggressive. :) Thanks was a good read. :)
Mar 31, 2012 9:01am
SusannaK
This is great, love it!
Mar 31, 2012 9:11am
Jack_Luca
Thanks for the comments.
Apr 1, 2012 1:27am
Etcetera
Alas all too true!
Very enjoyable article however.
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