Ten Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

Marriages fail for any number of reasons, and it's rarely a one-sided endeavor. However, statistically speaking, it is the wife who files for divorce about 75 percent of the time. Now this study, conducted by AARP, discusses many possible reasons for the lopsidedness, and truly every situation is unique. However, I have seen marriages end where the husband is left shocked, completely blind-sided that this was a possibility. I've seen situations where the guy never had a clue that his behavior would ultimately destroy his marriage, because in his mind, everything was perfect. Considering this, I have to wonder if there aren't many other men existing in this same state of marital bliss, yet heading for an avoidable train wreck. So in this article, I present to you ways you may be wrecking your marriage without even knowing it. (With apologies to all the wonderful, amazing men out there - I'll get to you next time). And before you go any further, let me send out a disclaimer that it's not always the man's fault (ladies, I'll get t0 you next time too). But this one's for the guys. The guys who are spiraling headlong towards divorce court like an asteroid speeding at the sun., and they don't even realize it. 

How To Wreck Your Marriage: 
Make your mother the central figure in your marriage. Put her feelings ahead of your wife's, never do anything without including her. Make sure Mom is privy to every private issue or problem you and your wife may have. If possible, move in next door to your mother so you can spend every spare second with her. Allow her to come over and dig up your wife's flowers to plant her own favorites. It's extra helpful if she will come do laundry, and of course, cook for you as often as possible so you do not have to deal with eating your wife's food. Most importantly, you should expect your mom to continue bailing you out of every problem you have, instead of dealing with the issue like an adult. 
Remember, Self is Always Most Important. Just because you have a family now, you should not be expected to give up any of your heart's desires or material possessions. An endless supply of new boats, sports cars, all-terrain-vehicles - if it's red and it's fast, by gosh, it should be yours. Can't afford it? Wife expresses that buying these items is unwise and unreasonable? Refer to Number 1 for assistance. That's what she's for. 
Lose your temper often, curse, and call your wife names. Nobody should have to deal with life's little bumps in the road without screaming, yelling, cursing, and casting blame. You are special, for goodness sake, you should be allowed to vent your anger any dang way you please. Every now and then, kick over some furniture. Wife has a problem with it? Call her those names you promised you'd never call her again.  
Enjoy exploiting your wife's physical attributes in public. Insist that she wear extremely high heels, plunging necklines, and short, tight skirts, even if she expresses discomfort in this type apparel. Post pictures of her on the Internet in skimpy bikinis. It's important that other men see the trophy you've won.  Always call her "hot" instead of beautiful. Remind her often of how much you like her body, but don't let her forget for a moment that you don't like fat girls. After all, you wouldn't want her letting herself go. 
Be insanely jealous and possessive. Call her dozens of times a day when she's at work or buying groceries or spending time with friends. Show your displeasure if she engages in any outside activity that doesn't include you. Expect her to be home the moment you walk in the door. After all, you are the most important figure on the planet. 
Be overly critical. She should know by now the direction you want your shirts to face in the closet and the type of hangers they should be hung on. If she accidentally puts a shirt of yours in the dryer, leave her a note attached to the shirt expressing your outrage about such an action. If she can't get simple things like that right, what is she good for?
Never let her forget that you hold her to an unattainable standard of physical and sexual attraction. Eye other hot women in front of her, and when you're with certain buddies, make crude comments about them. An endless supply of pornography in the house will be sure to remind her of your expectations. 
Put her needs last and don't let them interfere with your lifestyle. She has the flu? Spray Lysol all around the room and clear out. Call your mother to take over for her until she's better. Wife's having a miscarriage? You really can't expect to be troubled with trivialities like that. After all, you had made it clear you didn't really want a baby. One might interfere with your lifestyle, which as we've already established, is completely unacceptable. 
Discourage any dreams or aspirations she may have. It's fine if she does something to monetarily benefit yourself, as in having a job. However, if she has any hopes of achieving silly goals or dreams by engaging in endeavors that may not be immediately profitable, then this should not be tolerated.  Activities such as this might take time and resources away from yourself, which of course, is completely unacceptable. 
When all else fails, shut her up with an apology. Understand that you can't be expected to change your ways, however, her perpetual crying is so annoying. Just say "I'm sorry" so she'll knock it off. Tell her it will never happen again. Promise her you'll change. Of course you don't mean any of it, but the fact that you said "sorry" is all you should have to do to make her leave you alone about it. After all, what else can she expect?
So guys, just follow these simple rules, and your marriage will be over in no time flat. Or, if you can really keep her self-esteem beaten down, you might can stretch it out for a number of years before she makes her eventual exit. Just remember, your behavior will only serve to highlight the attributes of the really extraordinary and wonderful man she will one day end up with. Honestly, she should thank you. She never would have been able to appreciate how great that guy is if it weren't for all those years of living with you.