We live in a very demanding world. It has piled so much pressure on virtually every facet of human life and equally made many homes inhospitable because of internecine conflicts between couples. This has resulted in domestic violence, which is not actually new but only worsened by present-day realities.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is any form of aggression against someone within the family. It takes different forms, such as physical attack, financial deprivation, emotional trauma or sexual abuse, etc. However it comes, domestic violence leaves a terrible toll on victims and to some extent even the culprits are never really the same after wards.
It is worth pointing out, however, that domestic violence is not gender sensitive. It could go either way; that is to say that men could also be victims of domestic violence as much as women. The only difference is that men consider it shameful to admit that they are being abused by their wives. However, it is more common to talk about violence against women, which is actually more prevalent and pronounced; that is focus of this article, with special emphasis on the Christian marriage and Christian wife.
People are more familiar with the physical violence; it is the most common abuse and often leaves visible signs. It has resulted in the battering or maiming of many women, sometimes resulting in death. However, emotional violence, which is an assault on someone’s worth, in this case, your wife, is equally damaging. It makes her to lose confidence in herself and she would no longer be sure of what she is capable of doing. This is because you never cease to harp upon her weaknesses, always comparing her with someone else and finding her deficient. This is a psychological affront, which has driven some women insane or even to commit suicide in order to escape from such humiliation and feeling of worthlessness.
But the thrust of this article is physical abuse, which is a more common form of domestic violence. The truth about a wife beater is that he exhibits his tendencies very early in the relationship, long before the consummation of marriage. Unfortunately, blinded by love or deceived by the fake hope that he would change, the future wife still walks down the aisle but wake up later to discover that it is not possible to change the man but by now, it is too late. Consequently, the sister never summons courage to cry out because of possible taunts by friends and relations whose advice she had ignored to marry her beau.
One thing that may cause domestic violence is consumption of drugs, alcoholic beverages and other harmful chemical substances that impact negatively on the mind. A man that is under the influence of drugs or alcohol can easily beat his wife. When he comes to his senses, he would readily apologise but be sure he would do it again unless he is weaned from his drugs and alcohol.
“Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow? Ho hath contentions? Who hath babbling? Who hath wounds without cause? Who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine….It biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder” Proverbs 23:29-32.
But as a Christian, you have no business with such things that defile the body, temple of the Holy Spirit. You should, therefore, keep away from such. It is needless to join the debate as regards whether alcohol consumption or smoking is sin. That it does havoc to a man’s senses is sin enough. So, keep off if you do not want to come in harm’s way or cause harm to others, especially your wife.
No self-assured man abuses his wife, unless he is being induced by forces beyond him like booze and drugs as mentioned above. Suffice it to say, therefore, that domestic violence is caused by lack of confidence in oneself and low self esteem. When a man marries a woman from a higher background, whether family, economic, social or educational and lacks the capacity to accept the circumstance, he takes recourse to intimidating his wife in the hope to control and dominate her because it is traditional to feel that man should dictate to the wife and control her. Unfortunately, this is not the answer because you don’t compel respect; you earn it.
Domestic violence against one’s wife is an unreasonable act. It tantamount to beating yourself because once you are married to a woman, you become welded together as one according to the Holy Book.
“And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” Genesis 2:23
This means that you are inseparable from your wife since you have become one flesh and if it is not foolish to beat yourself, I wonder what else is. The solution to violence against your wife is to realise that your destinies have been irretrievably interwoven. So, no matter the frustrations you face out there in your daily endeavours, you must not import it home and visit it upon your wife. It is unmanly to beat a woman, especially your wife. She is your responsibility to protect and secure and not to abuse. Comport yourself respectably and your wife would have no choice but to respect you, even unconsciously; you don’t need to demand for it because it flows naturally as a consequence of the way you conduct your relationship with her. Also, you should avoid ingesting any substance that will make you behave unseemly towards your wife. Stay away from associations that may lure you into unhealthy conducts so that you will not be negatively influenced and, of course, recognise your common heritage in Christ and be tolerant of your wife, ever conscious that she can close the heavens against you with her bitterness of heart. That is exactly what the Bible said by giving reasons couples should ensure harmonious relationship in their homes and avoid domestic violence in whatever form.
“…Being in subjection unto their own husbands. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord whose daughters ye are…Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife as unto a weaker vessel and being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered” 1 Peter 3:5 – 7.
Invariably, the Bible did not entrust the job of making peaceful homes to the man alone. Sister, if you do not want to be victim of domestic violence, learn to associate with decent, Christian women instead of mingling with those raving feminists, clamouring for women liberation when nobody caged them. As a Christian wife, you must emulate Sara and regard your husband as lord. In other words, you should stop nagging so as not to provoke your husband to beat you even though no excuse can justify domestic violence.
“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman and in a wide house” Proverbs 26:24.
It is strange but true; some women actually enjoy being violated. Some see it as atonement for whatever demeanour and would only feel relieved if beaten. However, Christian couples should learn to live by no other standards except those approved by God.
“Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord for the husband is head of the wife…Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it” Ephesians 5:22&25.
That sums it all up. The Christian home is based upon the foundation of submission, love and sacrifice. You must understand that domestic violence, either of wife or husband is alien to the Christian faith. You only allow it in your home when you are bereft of the Word of God. Therefore, you must soak yourself in the Word of God; it has potential to keep at bay whatever strategies the Devil may deploy to destroy your marriage, which is exactly what domestic violence is after.